Can't stop crying

[Christopherou]

Hi all
My poor mum has now been moved from the hospital bed as she was deemed aggressive after the hospital failed to administer her Aricept for 1 month and in my opinion was withdrawing from it. They have now moved her to a secure unit. Went to see her yesterday her first day there and I have never been so upset. The MHN told me she wasn't aggressive just frightened. The place was loud and had lots of dementia patients pacing and being aggressive, one lady was laughing at mum saying she can't walk properly and she is dirty ..continually. My poor mum was sedated and her eyes which were focused on me were forlorn, she was desperately trying to tell me something but she can no longer speak and looked bewildered but worse, frightened and desperate. She couldn't walk properly and I was told that she hadn't slept yet because she was upset with the change. I really couldn't help it but I could not stop crying, I held her hand and just wept and wept I couldn't control it. She was just looking at me and I wanted to pick her up and take her to safety. She looked locked in.....it was so very very bad.
I can not sleep because I can see her poor face and I really feel as if I have let her down, abandoned her.......it truly was like ' one flew of the cuckoo's nest' . This can not be humane or decent . Feel like my heart is broken

 

[meme]

oh dear..this bought tears to my eyes.....poor you and poor mum...of course you wept .... visiting as much as possible till she can be moved is all you can do for now ?...stay strong

 

[jeany123]

Oh Christopherou I am so very sorry the way things have gone for your poor mum, no wonder you can't stop crying, I hope it improves soon,

sending you hugs, from Jeany xxx

 

[Beenie]

This must be like a living hell for both of you, I know what a change there was in my uncle when he stopped taking his aricept, it really does upset they're minds, has she been put back on it now? I just feel so upset for you I can't imagine what your going through, I hope you can get her out of there soon xx

 

[Wolfsgirl]

Can't help or advise but feel so sad for you both. I really hope she improves soon so that you will both feel better x

 

[garnuft]

I am so sorry to hear about the distress of your Mum.
It was heartbreaking to read your post.
I hope her being in a unit that is more experienced with people who have Dementia and distressing situations, means that they will help to adjust your Mum's medication and find a way to help her in her distress.

I feel so sad for you and your poor Mum.
I hope today is easier for you both and the pain and turmoil eases,

Gwen X

 

[Christopherou]

Thank you

Thank you all so much for your kind words

Xx

 

[rajahh]

I too found it hard to read your post. It truly is heartbreaking. sending hugs Jeannette

 

[Grannie G]

Hello Christopherou

Reading your post brought back memories of my husband in an assessment unit with people in later stages than he was. It was truly frightening for all of us.

Before he was admitted our son asked the consultant if it was a suitable place for his dad.
" It`s not the most suitable, but it`s the best wehave, " said the consultant.
I`m afraid this was the case.

I do hope your mother will be helped and so discharged as soon as possible. There is no harm in your crying with her. It might help her to see how upset you are for her.

 

[jan1962]

So sad to read my heart is breaking for you. my MIL was on a secure unit for 3 months at the beginning it was hard to take but as time goes on it will be a little easier. they can work with her medication and hopefully find a combination that works for her. keep faith in the doctors and staff on the unit.

jan1962

 

[stanleypj]

This is so sad. Anyone who didn't cry would be very unusual.

I think that if you can bear it, the more time you are able to spend with her the better. At least she knows that you don't want things to be like this. As time goes by, you may gradually become more able to bear the situation.

Above all, feel confident to ask about anything to do with the way she is being treated,

I do hope things gradually improve for both of you.

 

[JackyS]

What a moving thread. I can't really add to what others have already said, so I'm just sending you a big hug. You are clearly a loving and sensitive person with such a good soul and your Mum would be proud of you.
Don't forget to look after yourself x

 

[Callieflower]

So very sorry to hear how horrible things are for you. I didn't think that a hospital could treat someone so inhumanely. Sending hugs to you and your Mum. Please let us know how you are, I can't imagine how distressing it must be for you to witness that. x

 

[garnuft]

I wonder how the day went for you and your Mum?

I have thought about you both all day, at times I was you, other times I tried to put myself in your Mum's place.

I can't imagine the pain either way.

I hope you keep us updated, I want to know how your Mum is and if she was helped.

I know if she was, you will feel some peace too, I hope you do. X

 

[chris53]

Can only echo what as been already said on here, my heart goes out to you and mum and I hope that they can get her better very very soon.
Sending a big hug and please post again soon
Chris x

 

[Christopherou]

Hi,
I returned to see mum today, she was sitting in same chair, comatose. Eyes shut, and couldn't be roused. My sister was with me, and I immediately started crying again...my bladder really is too near my eye!
She didn't really come to, eyes flickering momentarily but nothing. I fixed her hair a bit as they had parted it the wrong side and bizarrely that had bothered me all night. She looked a tiny bit like her old self......my sister asked to speak to someone in charge and eventually we did. We asked why she was so heavily sedated, they couldn't really explain it, thought she was tired. I explained that Diazapan had a very heavy effect on her which was long lasting and they agreed to not give her any more...of course now I am frightened that she will be frightened.
Her dinner came.......eyes still shut but I managed to feed her a little bit. Gave her hugs but she was lifeless.......I have never experienced anything so horrible ....ever. Mum open mouthed but vacant, twitching and tiny and lonely looking.
I feel slightly better, only because , we made ourselves very visible and heard.
All your heartfelt messages really mean a lot....it helps, words of encouragement and understanding ....help me. This is a very lonely disease, you have given me hope that she may smile again.

Take care everyone and thank you xx

 

[Pepper1066]

My heart goes out to you and your mum

I too found it hard to read your post. It truly is heartbreaking. sending hugs Jeannette

It was difficult reading your post ,I can understand why you can't stop crying
Why is life so cruel? My heart goes out to you xxx

 

[stanleypj]

From what I've read, your mum may well be a lot better off if they really stop giving her Diazapam . It isn't recommended for the elderly, people who are confused or people with dementia.

And they couldn't really explain why she was so heavily sedated!

Keep questioning.

Take care.

 

[Sunbell]

Hello,
I have been like you, constantly in tears, over the last few weeks with my mum who is getting further and further down this terrible road of Alzheimers.

I know how you are feeling even though all our stories of loved ones differ but it is so difficult to suppress your feelings.

I really do hope things take a turn for the better for your mum, take strength from others on TP who are going through the same emotions as you. It is such a difficult and lonely path we are taking, my thoughts are with you and your family.

Take care of yourself. Sunbell xx.

 

[horserider100]

so sorry

it is hard for all on here but i must admit your post set me off with tears, so sorry pal.
i called at mums about 6.30 pm and made her some fish with peas. i went to the loo
when she was eating it , when i came out she had put some strawberry jam on it. what to do, i dont even pretend to know. i will keep on, but at times i find it so very hard.
best wishes, yours always john.