• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

cant stop crying and feeling guilty

lovingson65

Registered User
Oct 25, 2013
4
0
I cry 3/4 times a day over anything (sad stories,photos etc) my father passed away in January and since then Ive been a full time carer of my mother(severe dementia), ive been away from my 2 small children and partner for nearly 10 months (they visit when they can every 2 months school permitting), Im now really struggling to cope, ive been to the doc several times but all he can advise is to give me anti depressants or read a comic (yep you read that right) i'm reluctant to take drugs as i need to be up early to give medication and breakfast to my mother,my partner keeps telling me we will all be together one day (once the house is sold), but i cant see any light at the end of the tunnel.Carl:(
 

jeany123

Registered User
Mar 24, 2012
19,035
0
73
Durham
Hello lovingson and welcome to talking point, you do sound very depressed and if I were you I would try the anti depressants the doc wants to give you, they sometimes take a couple of weeks to work, My husband was crying all of the time when he came out of hospital and the doc prescribed anti depressants the depression cleared up and he is still taking them with no side affects ,

A even better way would be to find care for your mum and be a family again it really isn't fair to be seperated like this,
Best Wishes Jeany xx
 

fullmoon

Registered User
May 22, 2013
331
0
You sound so down and I can understand why. Dealing with the day to day challenges of caring is difficult enough but to do this in isolation away from your partner and children must be intolerable:(.

Obviously I do not know your personal circumstances, but I would say you have reached a stage where you need to totally re-evaluate. If it is not possible to take your mother home to care for her there, perhaps you have reached the point where you should consider a care home close to your family home. I believe the LA will look at funding care pending sale of a property so this should not hold you back.

You are obviously a loving son who has your mothers best interests at heart but I really do think you have hit a crisis point and need to consider your family and yourself. You are missing precious time with your own children and I am sure your mum would not want that.
 

lovingson65

Registered User
Oct 25, 2013
4
0
Hello lovingson and welcome to talking point, you do sound very depressed and if I were you I would try the anti depressants the doc wants to give you, they sometimes take a couple of weeks to work, My husband was crying all of the time when he came out of hospital and the doc prescribed anti depressants the depression cleared up and he is still taking them with no side affects ,

A even better way would be to find care for your mum and be a family again it really isn't fair to be seperated like this,
Best Wishes Jeany xx

TY jeany for your reply ive taken anti depressants a long time ago and ago and all they are are tranquilizers,last thing i want is not be awake for my mum
 

lovingson65

Registered User
Oct 25, 2013
4
0
You sound so down and I can understand why. Dealing with the day to day challenges of caring is difficult enough but to do this in isolation away from your partner and children must be intolerable:(.

Obviously I do not know your personal circumstances, but I would say you have reached a stage where you need to totally re-evaluate. If it is not possible to take your mother home to care for her there, perhaps you have reached the point where you should consider a care home close to your family home. I believe the LA will look at funding care pending sale of a property so this should not hold you back.

You are obviously a loving son who has your mothers best interests at heart but I really do think you have hit a crisis point and need to consider your family and yourself. You are missing precious time with your own children and I am sure your mum would not want that.

I promised my mother a long time ago that i will never put her in a nursing home, and i want to keep to that promise, the social services have allowed some respite for a week in Christmas, so hope that comes soon
 

Noorza

Registered User
Jun 8, 2012
6,542
0
I think you need to ask yourself, if your mum was well and dementia free right now, and you asked her if you should sink into an understandable depression, be away from your partner and children in order to look after her, what would her advice be?

Would she say this is your life now, you must live it and put your children and partner before her needs. My instinct, that if a mother, has such a loving son, which she does, then the answer to me seems instinctive.

I don't know your personal circumstances but if you ever want advice on how to finance your mum's care home fees if you consider that in the future, then there are some extremely well informed posters on here who will point you in the right direction.
 

CollegeGirl

Registered User
Jan 19, 2011
9,525
0
North East England
I promised my mother a long time ago that i will never put her in a nursing home, and i want to keep to that promise, the social services have allowed some respite for a week in Christmas, so hope that comes soon

As a mother myself, I strongly suspect that your mother would never have asked you to make that promise if she had known what was to come, and what it would cost you.

Please, do not feel bound by the promise that you made in good faith, but which might bring you to your knees to fulfill. Your mother would not want that, and she would understand that the price is too high.

Please think of yourself and your family, you deserve to be together again.
 

lovingson65

Registered User
Oct 25, 2013
4
0
As a mother myself, I strongly suspect that your mother would never have asked you to make that promise if she had known what was to come, and what it would cost you.

Please, do not feel bound by the promise that you made in good faith, but which might bring you to your knees to fulfill. Your mother would not want that, and she would understand that the price is too high.

Please think of yourself and your family, you deserve to be together again.

thank you for thoughtful words, i know my mother she would hate to be away from her family and i want her with me till the end, looking at your pofile, my issues looks petty compared to your circumstances, i wish you a goodnight, thanks once again
 

benjie

Registered User
Apr 14, 2009
347
0
north staffs
hi lovingson

I truly appreciate your dilemma - I myself always promised hubby - (even before he was diagnosed with vascular dementia) that I would never put him into "one of those places". However after a bout of severe illness and hospitalisation he came home and I cared for him 24/7 with carers coming in 3x a day. After a while I had to give in and he went for 2 weeks respite and did so several times over 2 years but always came home to me.

Eventually though things took a turn for the worse and it was recommended in his best interests that he go into a nursing home permanently. It broke my heart and I do still cry. But after 4 months I now see more brightness in his face and I wont regret this because we have a better husband/wife relationship again.

I hope this helps you
Best wishes Benjie
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
125,617
Messages
1,840,113
Members
76,560
Latest member
Aga Queen