I am struggling looking after my husband. Although our doctor, mental health nurse and carer support worker say it has been time for a while for him to go into care, the social worker is adamant he won't meet the criteria to pass the panel to get a care place. He now has reactive dysphasia, won't walk anywhere except to the bus for daycare or into the car. Beginning to get aggressive and understands v little of what is said to him. I had a burnout a few years back and have chronic arthritis. Spending my life just sitting when he is at the daycare. What on earth can l do? I feel l am sacrificing my life for his.
Can't go on looking after my husband
- Thread starter BethRebecca
- Start date
Can the GP intervene with social services. You cannot go on like this?
Will your husband be self funding? If so you can bypass social services & sort a place yourselves.
Will your husband be self funding? If so you can bypass social services & sort a place yourselves.
So sorry you're having to struggle on like this.
Go over the head of the social worker you have. At the very least you need respite care right now. Make a nuisance of yourself. Email, write, call. Daily. Cry if need be.
Go to your GP and tell him/her like it is. Say you're at breaking point and ill yourself.
As Cat said, consider your financial situation and DIY your care arrangements.
Have you got any outside help at all?
Hugs x
Go over the head of the social worker you have. At the very least you need respite care right now. Make a nuisance of yourself. Email, write, call. Daily. Cry if need be.
Go to your GP and tell him/her like it is. Say you're at breaking point and ill yourself.
As Cat said, consider your financial situation and DIY your care arrangements.
Have you got any outside help at all?
Hugs x
This is an awful situation to be in. It's often said on TP, and I believe it to be true, that no-one can be forced to look after another person. You could simply say to the SW that you are no longer prepared to risk your own health.
The ball will then be in their court. In referring to a panel the SW may be thinking about Continuing Health Care Funding and it's true that this is very difficult to get. But there is no panel involved in most transfers to a Care Home, though unless a person has little in the way of savings they have to pay their own costs.
The ball will then be in their court. In referring to a panel the SW may be thinking about Continuing Health Care Funding and it's true that this is very difficult to get. But there is no panel involved in most transfers to a Care Home, though unless a person has little in the way of savings they have to pay their own costs.
Hi, and welcome to TP. I'm sorry you're having such a lousy time, but your Social Worker isn't the one looking after him - you are. I used to nail a smile on my face, and try to appear stoic, but that got me absolutely nowhere.
I also had this feeling of misguided loyalty, because when I wrote down what I intended to say, it made my husband appear to be a monster, and it was only when I gave myself a stern talking to, and said to myself that the Alzheimer-free husband wasn't a monster, it was this new one, that I decided to tell the truth.
If you have to keep phoning, day after day, to get someone to take notice, then that's what you have to do. I always had "cry" in my voice, but tried to hide it, and then one day I just broke down, after years without a decent sleep, and for the first time, I was listened to. After that, I let the tears flow freely, every time I phoned.
There is nobody who knows what each carer is going through, other than the carer themselves.
So sorry, must be incredibly hard. Assume the social worker is wrong. You know what needs to happen - what would happen if you weren't able to care for him? So hard, but shout loudly for what you need and don't take no for an answer. All the best. Gx
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