Help with washing
Hi Nici,
I recongnise the anguish both you and your father are going through, as I experienced the same issue with my mum who has vascular dementia.
She will no longer have a bath, and we stopped trying many months ago. Here are a few things I do which may help:
(a) Sit mum on commode in bathroom to have a wash
(b) Make sure bathroom is nice and warm and not stuffy, and also well lit but not too bright
(c) Have prepared warm bath and hand towels to put around her when sitting on commode to help relax her.
(d) When undressing my mum we try to ensure she is covered at all times, so she does not feel so vulnerable. But we do it in stages, such as the socks when washing the feet and once washed we put a clean pair on straight away before trying the top.
(e) Start with washing the hands first in a warm bowl of water to try and get her to relax, and then the feet. When washing the hands I encourgae my mum to take the face cloth for her to wash her face, or I offer her the favourite moisturiser to put on her face.
(f) Some days I will find my mum will not want to wash certain parts of the body, and so you bear this in mind for the next day and try and do these. If some days my mum does not want a wash then that is fine as well. I HAVE LEARNT YOU HAVE TO GO WITH THE FLOW.
(g) Finally, the routine (i.e. order and way in which we help to wash my mum) I have devised to help my mum have a wash we follow every day, so at least there is a chance she will follow what is going on.
Also, you mentioned your mum does not like changing into her night clothes for bed. My mum is the same, and so we do not try this anymore. However, one idea I came up with which works really well is that we do change my mum's skirt for an apron so at least she still feels she has a skirt on, which makes her more comfortable in bed. We change this when my mum is on the commode before she goes to bed.
I hope some of these tips come in handy. They may not work all of the time but you may find it makes life somewhat easier.
Paco