can't get mum to wash!

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Nici, Feb 10, 2009.

  1. BeverleyY

    BeverleyY Registered User

    Jan 29, 2008
    Ashford, Kent
    Dad wouldn't shower when Mum was alive. It was something she nagged him over.

    We struggled too at first, then suddenly, he took to showering every morning (apart from days where he feels too tired to bother.. and then he just washes down).

    Only problem.. he won't use any form of soap or shampoo. Says he is retired and therefore doesn't sweat so only needs water:rolleyes:

    I know my Dad wouldn't get in the bath - he's always been a shower person.

    I sneak in when he is in bed and leave clean clothes out. If I didn't he would never change anyhing apart from varying his cardigans!

    Oh.. strangely.. he washes his socks in the sink every night and drys them on the radiator:confused: Shame he doesn't find the need to change his pants so often!! These, I struggle with, because he wears them in bed so when I sneak in and leave clean pants out with his clothes, he usually just puts them back in the drawer.:rolleyes:

  2. annwen o

    annwen o Registered User

    May 6, 2009
    i am also relieved to find this thread ,my mum too has "issues" with cleanliness :confused:
    she always used to be so particular with herself and with the home , she used to boil her dishcloths in an old saucepan now her teatowels are grubby and i get told off for getting a clean one out !
    when she comes to my house i say right shower ,and she doesn't moan and i give her clean clothes and wash hers .
  3. Donalda

    Donalda Registered User

    Hi, I manage to get Hubbie into a BUBBLE BATH once a week but the remainder of the week is a wash-down by himself. How long will this last I have no idea but it is working now!!!!
    I find that my husband is getting shy and childish when bathtime comes around. Wish this would work for you too. DonaldaXX
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #24 Margarita, May 10, 2009
    Last edited: May 10, 2009
  5. sad nell

    sad nell Registered User

    I had this problem with Trev about 3 years ago, refused to wash or have his hair washed or cut, it was a real problem, finally discovered water on his head terrified him, after getting in the shower with him and holding the shower head low down, we eventually built up his confidence and he will go into shower without me now, wont say he enjoys it ,but will tolerate it, so stick withit, have to warm the shower gel eles it is too much of a shock and deodrant spray has him running around bathroom in sheer terror so tend not to bother with that, hope you manage to get your loved ones sweet smelling again best wishes pam
  6. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Pam are you sure you were talking about Trev and not my Lionel.

    The obsession with things being too cold has never left Lionel.
    Even his creams for his skin get warmed in the home.
    Baby wipes have to be used with care, as they feel cold to his skin.

    I can only suggest....warm water, warm towels, and a warm bathroom.
  7. sad nell

    sad nell Registered User

    Connie yes Trev like loinel is very sensitive to anything cold, i add extra water to wet ones container make sure it is airtight and store it on the radiator , but not sure what i shall do when i turn cental heating off, think you can purchase special heaters but never seen them, now not nagging but dont you overdo that gardening cannot you suggest that guests bring garden tools with them to your party and you will provide the gloves and Champagne love pam
  8. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Warm wet wipes

    Hi Pam, thanks for the tip about the wet wipes. Usually a radiator on in his bathroom at the home, so I shall do that.

    No gardening on my Special Day......but wine order came today, along with the Pimms and sparkling wine. (Cannot afford champers all round:))

    Caters in hand, cake ordered.......just pray for sunshine.
    (apologies for taking thread off topic.)
  9. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I hope you`ll get someone to take photos Connie. We certainly can`t expect you to on such a special day. It all sounds very glamorous.

    Pam, could you warm things in the microwave in the summer?
  10. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    I wonder if mum has a favourite visitor she loves to see? The carers at my husband's home get him to shower or bathe because they tell him I will be visiting and they are getting him 'smart' for me.

    I don't know if this suggestion will work! I think the idea of wet wipes will at least give a quick 'freshen up' at least.


    ps I've done it again - clicked on, read the first page, posted according to what I've just read, and then found there are several pages more which have now gone onto something else!!
  11. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #31 Margarita, May 10, 2009
    Last edited: May 10, 2009
    sad nell

    My mother also extra sensitive to the cold especially having a wash down, mum finds the bathroom very cold even in the Summer time , I was trying to work out how to leave the radiator on in a wet room we are having all year around, without having to turn all radiators off from the central heating of the house from the Temperature Controllers on each radiators in the house .

    The work men are going to put something in the Temperature Controllers of the radiator in the wet room, that it will not switch the radiator off when I turn the heating of from the main control of the box that truns all radiator of in the house .

    I can still turn that one radiators of in the wet room by hand from the Temperature control at the bottom of the radiator if I want to or leave it on all the time so the wet room / toilet is always warm when mum go to the toilet during the day & night . While all the other radiators in the house is still turn off .

    I am not sure what its called, but I could ask them if you like ?

    I am telling you all this , because it sounds like a good idea in what you need for Just on radiator .
  12. sad nell

    sad nell Registered User

    Thanks Magarita
  13. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    #33 Margarita, May 11, 2009
    Last edited: May 11, 2009
    I ask the Manger about the name of the device; he tells me it’s the Thermostat radiator vale on the radiators, which I new about already.

    I still have to turn off all Thermostat radiator vales on all radiators in the house but the one in the wet room.

    Leave the heating on all the time, which he tell me it does not cost any money just leaving the heating on as long as I have all the Thermostat radiator vale on all the radiators in the house turn down, but the one in the bath room .

    Yes it cost me to have just that one radiator on. But I can control it from the Thermostat radiator vale on the radiator, turn if off, but I won’t as it be worth it as it be still warm for mum when she has a shower or go to the toilet .

    May be you also could do that; Just don’t turn the heating of completely, just turn of all Thermostat radiator vales on the radiators around your house , but one radiator in the house.

    Do you have a small radiator in the bathroom or in a small toilet, which can be left on ?

    My radiators are quite small in Bathroom/ toilet up stairs. Also in down stairs toilet that now is beaming a wet room, compared to the other radiators around the house .
  14. Derek

    Derek Registered User

    Jul 17, 2008
    Pewsey, Wilts
    I find this temperature sensitivity very curious, my wife too complains all the time about things being icy cold; except when I persuade her to have a bath, then, if the water is more than tepid, she says it is too hot.

    On the subject of bathing, I found having a seat fitted helped as she was finding it hard to get into the bath
  15. magenta

    magenta Registered User

    Feb 16, 2009

    Oh how marvellous. I came to the site with 2 topics in mind and I find bathing already well discussed!

    Husband has spent the day refusing any help. Wet through from about 11 am, stretched out on the dirty sheets and the clean ones I put out when I found he was wet.

    It seems I have to accept that his standards have slipped. He really could not care less that he smells.
    Thanks for all the advice Not least I am not alone.
    M :)
  16. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    East Kent
    My mum started to get frightened of the bath about two yrs ago. would happily help me undress her then try n escape from the bathroom, it upset mum so if I persisted and I thought it's not right to put mum through this.Mum has'nt had a bath for two yrs, sounds awful dont it but it's not as bad as it sounds honest! instead I give mum a wash down while she is sitting on the loo:) when I stood her up to wash under neath the fun began again, id b running round the bathroom with the offending soapy flannel:D mum still isnt happy bout being washed i think part of mum's prob is she feels vulnrable so gets scared,thinks it,s rude, I dont have to chase mum round with that offending soapy flannel anymore coz mum cant stand or walk unaded now :(

    If they upset bout getting in the bath see if they will have a wash down or let you wash them down. good luck.
  17. Amber 5

    Amber 5 Registered User

    Jan 20, 2009
    I've just caught up with this thread and seen that I posted about my mum almost a year ago when she was still living in her own home.

    Since she moved into a Care Home last June, I have been able to give Mum a bath once a week. This has become a routine which she no longer tries to get out of (did at first) and seems to take pleasure in the warm bubbly water, even sometimes asks me if I'm coming to bath her? I ask her to wash her face with a flannel and I do 'the rest' with a sponge. She has her hair shampooed by the hairdresser (who she loves) once a week too, so any sort of pampering is going down very well now. I also see to her nails and massage hands/feet with handcream.

    What a difference to a year ago. It caused me so much anguish at the time, trying to think of ways to keep her clean(ish) but she has slowly but surely accepted the help. During the recent snow, she also let the carers bath her as I couldn't get there, so I am hopeful that eventually, they can have a turn too!!!
    Best wishes,
    Gill x
  18. Donna1

    Donna1 Registered User

    Apr 15, 2010
    I think a shower can be a daunting place for the elderly. So many of them have never seen a shower until one is fitted due to the fact that they are too frail to get into the bath. The shower that we take for granted can be a scary place for the elderly, especially if they have fears of falling, or a fear of water. I believe the latter is more common than I had realised.
    It is also a good thing, if possible, to ask a person unrelated, a trusted carer perhaps to approach the individual about washing. This sometimes can produce better results than a family members attempts. The key word is patience although I realise not always the easiest!
  19. HomeAlone

    HomeAlone Registered User

    Jun 30, 2010
    how interesting that so many others seem to have problem with getting their loved ones to bathe, i have thias same problem, mum will not bathe, and even the mention , is to set her off ! funy as she was such a clean lady, still has an interest in mix and match clothing, lol ( over a dirty body ) i asked the CPN years ago, if it could be a fear of water, but she said she hadnt heard of such a thing, and i come on here, and see its quite a comon problem:confused:makes me wonder just how much these so called proffessionals know
  20. RustySaddle

    RustySaddle Registered User

    Jun 30, 2010
    Hi this is a very interesting thread, I'm having trouble getting my MIL to wash, I was recommended getting a portable bidet that goes on the toilet, I'm going to investigate that. The nurse is coming to talk to MIL about personal hygiene, but she wont remember any of it anyway. We're getting her a shower put in, so we're going to use that as an excuse to get her washing. New bathroom, new rules, we hope. At the moment we're using baby wipes but she's still getting lots of infections, and pongs. She also thinks she's had a shower too, so will have to agree that she's had a shower and just ask to have another one for me.:confused:

    I don't know how long carers that come in allow for giving a person a shower, because if she's rushed she gets confused...

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