I'm sure Dad has dementia - he can't remember any recent plans or conversation, his personal care is deteriorating and he is beginning to struggle with money - he ordered some double glazing but it was overpriced and they only did 2 out of 3 windows in the living room. My concern is getting some information about a diagnosis and what to expect. Dad was always secretive and I live some distance away as does my sister, but there is no one else. I've written to his gp but not had a reply. I met the gp twice earlier this year when he was considering a LPA but in the end wouldn't do it as he couldn't remember seeing it before and was suspicious (he went to the gp 3 times over this with the solicitor). The police referred me to a local charity which I am meeting in July (he reports things stolen). I know he was referred to a memory clinic but he can't or won't say what happened. I am aware of patient confidentiality but not knowing what is going on, or even if my diagnosis is right is very difficult. How do I find out what is going on?
Can't get information from doctor / health professionals
- Thread starter carolyng
- Start date
hi carolyng
I'm afraid Kevinl is right - it is a nuisance for the carer or family in your situation, but the rules of patient confidentiality do restrict what medics can do
is there any way you can get your dad to sign a letter to say he wishes you to be involved in his medical and welfare affairs ie be consulted, able to ask questions, make appointments, have copies or at least sight of any communication - if you printed such a letter might you pick your moment and have him sign it
but definitely try for POAs again - you don't have to have a solicitor or GP involved - the documentation is available on line so you could prepare it and try to just present it at an opportune moment with a good friend around - maybe invite somone round for a cuppa and just happen to chat about the subject with the friend saying what a good idea it is - you might even prepare docs for yourself and ask your dad to be your Attorney as there's no need for you to get yours registered but he may then be less suspicious
if your dad is money conscious, maybe mention to him that a 'friend' has had to become a deputy for someone (maybe in circumstances not dementia related) and how much it costs the donor, ie your dad, to do this so POAs are much cheaper
best wishes
I'm afraid Kevinl is right - it is a nuisance for the carer or family in your situation, but the rules of patient confidentiality do restrict what medics can do
is there any way you can get your dad to sign a letter to say he wishes you to be involved in his medical and welfare affairs ie be consulted, able to ask questions, make appointments, have copies or at least sight of any communication - if you printed such a letter might you pick your moment and have him sign it
but definitely try for POAs again - you don't have to have a solicitor or GP involved - the documentation is available on line so you could prepare it and try to just present it at an opportune moment with a good friend around - maybe invite somone round for a cuppa and just happen to chat about the subject with the friend saying what a good idea it is - you might even prepare docs for yourself and ask your dad to be your Attorney as there's no need for you to get yours registered but he may then be less suspicious
if your dad is money conscious, maybe mention to him that a 'friend' has had to become a deputy for someone (maybe in circumstances not dementia related) and how much it costs the donor, ie your dad, to do this so POAs are much cheaper
best wishes
i give up then
I give up then - Dad has no friends, has little short term memory and is increasingly suspicious. He won't sign an LPA because he will need time to read it, will then put it off, and will then forget he has ever seen it so it will start all over again. In any case there is no one to witness it as he doesn't have friends. That's why I we went down the solicitor route in the first place, and the solicitor brought in the doctor to certify. We looking into the LPA at his bank's suggestion because he clearly wasn't managing and kept going in to ask them about his account. I've told him that my husband is an attorney for his mother, who had a fall and ended up in care but they couldn't pay the fees as there was no LPA - but none of it makes any difference - he is happy for us to pay if that happens to him. The police have been round several times and they say he is deteriorating. The people who should be doing something - the health professionals, meanwhile do nothing.
I'll just give up and in the meantime perhaps he will deteriorate sufficiently that even they might pay attention. He's still driving by the way, even though the police say he shouldn't - and have told him that to his face, again I've told the doctor but they do nothing.
I give up then - Dad has no friends, has little short term memory and is increasingly suspicious. He won't sign an LPA because he will need time to read it, will then put it off, and will then forget he has ever seen it so it will start all over again. In any case there is no one to witness it as he doesn't have friends. That's why I we went down the solicitor route in the first place, and the solicitor brought in the doctor to certify. We looking into the LPA at his bank's suggestion because he clearly wasn't managing and kept going in to ask them about his account. I've told him that my husband is an attorney for his mother, who had a fall and ended up in care but they couldn't pay the fees as there was no LPA - but none of it makes any difference - he is happy for us to pay if that happens to him. The police have been round several times and they say he is deteriorating. The people who should be doing something - the health professionals, meanwhile do nothing.
I'll just give up and in the meantime perhaps he will deteriorate sufficiently that even they might pay attention. He's still driving by the way, even though the police say he shouldn't - and have told him that to his face, again I've told the doctor but they do nothing.
Hi Carolyng,
my situation is somehow similar to yours.
At the moment I 've given up doing anything and I'm waiting for things to deteriorate.
It sounds cruel..I know
My husband can understand enough not to let me interfere , but I'm aware that the risk he might be taken in is high
my situation is somehow similar to yours.
At the moment I 've given up doing anything and I'm waiting for things to deteriorate.
It sounds cruel..I know
My husband can understand enough not to let me interfere , but I'm aware that the risk he might be taken in is high
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Hi I totally empathize with your situation. I remember it was incredibly difficult to get mother-in-law to sign up the power of attorney she had always been paranoid due to mental health issues before the diagnosis of dementia but my husband and I quickly realised that she was deteriorating. We worked hard to get her to sign the forms, it wasn't easy but my husband fed in to her paranoia by convincing her that the only people she could trust with her money was my husband and myself. In addition the power of attorney for health and welfare was explained that this was a means to stop the bad people from making decisions about her medical treatment and her medicine that might upset her. We also explained that we were the only ones that could help her if she had a welfare issue. We also told her that everyone of a certain age had these forms and raised it casually as if was normal practice for a 90 year old to do these things.
We never left the forms with her to mull over or read as like your father she would have dithered and lost them. My husband took time to read through the form with her and explain fully what they all meant .We used her neighbour , who she saw as independent from us and therefore not "in league" with us who had known her a while, as the certificate provider and witness . My mother-in-law had no other relatives or friends that would have put themselves out to sign legal documents.
The whole process of convincing her actually took several months and we kept reinforcing the message that we were the only people who were the good guys. I primed the neighbour well in advance of the situation we were in and what we were doing in her best interests and fortunately this lady was totally on board. In addition the neighbour used to come in with us and just sit with her whilst my husband explained things so mother-in-law didn't in anyway feel threatened and got used to the idea that this was going to be normal practice. Again the topic was raised casually with her neighbour present as if we were just having an everyday conversation about a daily occurrence.
Once the forms were signed, in fact my mother-in-law hasn't mentioned them since and we have been able to take control of her financial situation and alert her GP of any health issues. It really is worth pursuing. As she has now deteriorated further she has simply accepted that we take the worry away from her.
We never left the forms with her to mull over or read as like your father she would have dithered and lost them. My husband took time to read through the form with her and explain fully what they all meant .We used her neighbour , who she saw as independent from us and therefore not "in league" with us who had known her a while, as the certificate provider and witness . My mother-in-law had no other relatives or friends that would have put themselves out to sign legal documents.
The whole process of convincing her actually took several months and we kept reinforcing the message that we were the only people who were the good guys. I primed the neighbour well in advance of the situation we were in and what we were doing in her best interests and fortunately this lady was totally on board. In addition the neighbour used to come in with us and just sit with her whilst my husband explained things so mother-in-law didn't in anyway feel threatened and got used to the idea that this was going to be normal practice. Again the topic was raised casually with her neighbour present as if we were just having an everyday conversation about a daily occurrence.
Once the forms were signed, in fact my mother-in-law hasn't mentioned them since and we have been able to take control of her financial situation and alert her GP of any health issues. It really is worth pursuing. As she has now deteriorated further she has simply accepted that we take the worry away from her.
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for an LPa and ye
Hi there
Could you maybe try a different solicitor to do the LPA? We had a lovely one after my dad died, who persuaded Mum to go for the LPA, while at the same time talked carefully to her to ensure she still had capacilty to understand what was going on. I think your dad needs someone he can trust to point him in the right direction
Hi there
Could you maybe try a different solicitor to do the LPA? We had a lovely one after my dad died, who persuaded Mum to go for the LPA, while at the same time talked carefully to her to ensure she still had capacilty to understand what was going on. I think your dad needs someone he can trust to point him in the right direction
