... it's probably something I will never 'get over'.
I'm not convinced about counselling. My one experience of it wasn't great. The lady was very nice but spent quite a lot of time talking about herself, which I understand is a no no! But I won't dismiss it as an idea for the future, if I feel I need it.
You don't "get over" the death of a loved one, you just realise over time that the thoughts of them and the grief occupies less and less of your waking day. I lost my mother 13 years ago, to cancer, and it took quite a while before I wasn't thinking about her all the time. I can look back with fondness now - it's bittersweet, of course (she never met the grandchild she knew was on the way, who turns 12 next week, although she hasn't had to deal with her husband becoming disabled) but trite as it sounds, time heals all wounds.
On the counselling issue, the lady you spoke to doesn't sound great. I've had various bits of counselling over the years and one of them was awful - made me feel even worse. I complained about her and hope that she changed her approach but the rest of it I've found quite useful. It gave me an understanding of why some people hold onto a faith - having someone impartial to talk to allows you to make up your own answers. Whether that be a god or a human (or an animal or a tree!) it's about coming round to the fact that you can't change the past but feeling awful about it is perfectly normal. There's no timetable for grief.