cant do this much longer


Registered User
Feb 4, 2008
hi i really am struggling to keep sane as you know bought mum home after finaly deciding to put her in full time care but as it was not the right care home for her i took her out took her to see a couple of more yesterday which one was ideal for her ask her what she thought and she said was not keen it was very close to where my brother lives so he could visit more often but she not having any of it she has dug her heels in it seem that what ever i do is wrong i really am struggling to cope with having to clean my bathroom after her as she messes all over and wipes it all over my walls ect i have tried to talk to her but she forgets all i say as soon as i say it how do we make her see what ever we are doing is best for her we are trying so hard but getting no where i really do want my life back but also love my mum very much dont know what to do for best can anyone help me i can see me looking after her till i drop

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
I`m really sorry Grimsby but perhaps the time has come when you stop consulting your mother and tell her.

The level of care expected from you is obviously making you ill and you can only solve this by telling her she needs more care than you can provide and you can no longer care for her at home.

If she has a SW ask for help there, otherwise ask you GP to support you.

However usetting and against all you stand for you must have some regard for yourself.

Please make the decision and stick to it. It is very unpleasant and upsetting but there comes a time when there is no alternative.

Love xx


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hi Grimsby 28

have tried to talk to her but she forgets all i say as soon as i say it how do we make her see what ever we are doing is best for her
You can't get through to her because she has a dementia and it is part and parcel of the illness. I have to admit that I still feel as you do at times with my husband. I sometimes (quite often) feel exasperated that he just won't follow simple instructions from me. I don't understand myself why I expect him to be able to follow instructions when I know it's because he's ill. I just think it takes a lot of registering. I believe it's us that has to change because they can't. If that means you have to scream and shout until you get the help that you need in order to be able to cope - then do it. I am coping with what is within my limits at the moment but when this changes - I intend to shout and scream if necessary so that Alan gets the best possible care and he won't get that from me if I can't cope!!

Love and best wishes Grimsby - keep posting



Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
Dear Grimsby

You're in despair again, and you can't go on like this.

You just have to get your mum into care, and try to sort out any problems rather than bring her home again.

You did say your brother was being more supportive -- could he help? Perhaps your mum would listen to him.

But you have to do something. If you collapse, who's going to care for your mum then? Ask your brother that, and see if he can suggest anything.

Take care of yourself, don't let yourself get too down, and let us know how it goes.