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Can't cope

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
541
Hertfordshire
Hi all

I can't COPE with my husband not being able to eat a dinner. There is no point in giving it to him but it feels like giving into a child if I don't and would seem most strange. He says he doesn't know why he finds it difficult. I have asked if its too hot, cold etc etc. Tried all sorts of different ideas and ways.

He is 63 and has Alzheimer's.

He used to enjoy small children's meals such as a small portion of fish fingers but not anymore.

Its just the evening meal he can't cope with. He would eat a slice of cheese on toast for lunch and evening meal but that's not giving him variety. He has a Complan shake once a day.

I am finding the matter so very difficult.

Reds
 

Sue J

Registered User
Dec 9, 2009
8,035
Dear Reds

Am so sorry you are finding your husbands eating changes so difficult. Eating is a social thing and that changes with dementia which makes it hard for you too, not being able to enjoy a meal together I'm sure.

Try not to worry about the variety, the important thing is that he is eating and the Complan is made to be nutritious when people aren't able to manage a normal diet.

You do your very best for him always, its adjusting to the changes that is so hard.

Best wishes
Sue:)
 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
541
Hertfordshire
Dear Reds

Am so sorry you are finding your husbands eating changes so difficult. Eating is a social thing and that changes with dementia which makes it hard for you too, not being able to enjoy a meal together I'm sure.

Try not to worry about the variety, the important thing is that he is eating and the Complan is made to be nutritious when people aren't able to manage a normal diet.

You do your very best for him always, its adjusting to the changes that is so hard.

Best wishes
Sue:)

Thank you!
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
I am finding the matter so very difficult.

Reds[/QUOTE]

Hi there
I'm not surprised you are finding it difficult. I found it hard with my husband and then with my Ma and now I'm looking after someone else with dementia and it's still hard when they don't want the meal I have thought about and cooked 'specially' but I have learnt (most of the time) that actually Sue is spot on - it doesn't matter about variety as long as they have something and that complan or Ensure which we used to use on prescription from the Doc are nutritious and make up for the 'variety'. We just go with the flow and my ma would always eat sweet things when all else failed - jelly, trifle, all sorts of sweet deserts - well it kept the weight up and prevented falls and the other stuff did it's magic on the vitamins.

I should try not to worry and see what happens :)
 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
541
Hertfordshire
I am finding the matter so very difficult.

Reds
Hi there
I'm not surprised you are finding it difficult. I found it hard with my husband and then with my Ma and now I'm looking after someone else with dementia and it's still hard when they don't want the meal I have thought about and cooked 'specially' but I have learnt (most of the time) that actually Sue is spot on - it doesn't matter about variety as long as they have something and that complan or Ensure which we used to use on prescription from the Doc are nutritious and make up for the 'variety'. We just go with the flow and my ma would always eat sweet things when all else failed - jelly, trifle, all sorts of sweet deserts - well it kept the weight up and prevented falls and the other stuff did it's magic on the vitamins.

I should try not to worry and see what happens :)[/QUOTE]


Thank you too!
 

jknight

Registered User
Oct 23, 2015
786
Hampshire
Fizzie! Can I just say that I think you are wonderful! You give so much support even though you are caring for a third person with dementia. I bow at your feet x
 

Aisling

Registered User
Dec 5, 2015
1,806
Ireland
Hi all

I can't COPE with my husband not being able to eat a dinner. There is no point in giving it to him but it feels like giving into a child if I don't and would seem most strange. He says he doesn't know why he finds it difficult. I have asked if its too hot, cold etc etc. Tried all sorts of different ideas and ways.

He is 63 and has Alzheimer's.

He used to enjoy small children's meals such as a small portion of fish fingers but not anymore.

Its just the evening meal he can't cope with. He would eat a slice of cheese on toast for lunch and evening meal but that's not giving him variety. He has a Complan shake once a day.

I am finding the matter so very difficult.

Reds
Hi Reds,

Am so sorry. Am sure you have tried everything eg small portions etc. as I am typing an idea has just come to me, how about small portion of mashed potatoes and butter for lunch and then cheese in evening. Probably a silly idea!! I just find mashed potatoes a comfort when I can't face food.

You are doing great. Complan is excellent and so is cheese. Try,try not to worry. It is so sad when we can't enjoy meals together. Another sad step on awful journey of Alzh.

I hope you get some sleep.

Virtual hugs

Aisling (Ireland)

Ps yes I am Irish and love potatoes! Boiled, mashed, roast and chips!! I limit the latter!!
 

LYN T

Registered User
Aug 30, 2012
6,960
Brixham Devon
Hi reds

Is it the actual food your Husband has a problem with? Or perhaps using the cutlery? I remember quite clearly the day my late Husband looked at me and asked 'what are these'? He was holding up his knife and fork. From that moment he always used a spoon. (Of course, I did too as I didn't want to make a big thing of another skill lost)

I also found it easier to give my OH his main meal at lunchtime. He wasn't sundowning then (usually) and he was less tired, Otherwise, I think that any type of food is ok. Little and often seems to be the way to go.

Love

Lyn T XX
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
Just a thought, is it worth a visit to the dentist just to check out that there isn't something physical. Nothing worse than tooth pain to put you off food and many people have found that sometimes the person with dementia can't describe or locate pain. Just a thought
 

CJinUSA

Registered User
Jan 20, 2014
1,121
eastern USA
Hi all

I can't COPE with my husband not being able to eat a dinner. There is no point in giving it to him but it feels like giving into a child if I don't and would seem most strange. He says he doesn't know why he finds it difficult. I have asked if its too hot, cold etc etc. Tried all sorts of different ideas and ways.

He is 63 and has Alzheimer's.

He used to enjoy small children's meals such as a small portion of fish fingers but not anymore.

Its just the evening meal he can't cope with. He would eat a slice of cheese on toast for lunch and evening meal but that's not giving him variety. He has a Complan shake once a day.

I am finding the matter so very difficult.

Reds
You are working so hard at this. It must indeed feel frustrating to you to see that what you are trying is not working. I felt frustration at first when I'd prepared something I thought my mother was sure to like, only to have her reject it. For a time, she did well at breakfast and lunch and didn't want supper. Now she doesn't want much at all.

What I have done the last few weeks is attempt to give her her main meal at lunchtime. This means we have to get up to toilet her around 2 AM, but at least I knew she was getting some sustenance. (She rejects the power drinks like Ensure.)

You have had some good suggestions here, especially fizzie's last one about checking dental issues (or mouth sores). When swallowing becomes difficult, too, they don't like to eat for fear of choking.

I don't have anything to add to the suggestions, really, but just wanted to say I do understand the frustration, when one is trying so hard . . . .
 

Bizzylizzy73

Registered User
Sep 16, 2015
24
Southport, Merseyside
I struggle with my mum more frequently with food. As others have already said, I offer "sweet or savoury" but I usually get round mum with trifle, or rice pudding. Just made a cheesecake today.
I've tried not to worry too much whether it's what I'd class as a meal and just focus on eating something.
You are doing a wonderful job x
 

Reds

Registered User
Sep 5, 2011
541
Hertfordshire
Thank you very much all of you for your kind suggestions and support.

I have now learnt that I need to adjust more and not worry too much if he doesn't eat a conventional meal and accept that at least he eats throughout the day such as a banana and has a nutritional drink etc. It does feel very hard not to enjoy a good meal together but that's the way it is now.

Reds x