1. Clarice cliff

    Clarice cliff New member

    Feb 15, 2019
    6
    I have recently been diagnosed with cancer and will require surgery which will mean 6 weeks of not being able to drive,lift etc. My husband has early stage dementia and is unable to drive or do much to help. I have no children to come and help but my sister says she will. My husband says he won't have her staying and is in comp.ete denial 're his condition. I am so worried about how we will cope if he won't have help. Who can I turn to for help?
     
  2. Normaleila

    Normaleila Registered User

    Jun 4, 2016
    638
    I'm so sorry you're have to face this, and I hope the surgery will sort things out. I'm not an expert and have no experience, but two thoughts occur to me.
    Firstly, with PWDs it's usually best to go ahead and do something (such as have your sister come to care for you) and he'll just have to accept it.
    Secondly, would it be less stressful for you to stay at your sister's? You could inform social services that he's a vulnerable adult and needs carers or respite care while you're convalescing. Sounds tough - but your health is the priority now.
     
  3. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    I think what you do depends on how much your husband can do for himself. This is a time that you have to put yourself first.

    Two years ago I was away for four days without worrying too much about my husband but earlier this year I was away for three days and my granddaughter came and stayed with him because I couldn't have gone without the help.

    If your husband is reasonably independent why not stay with your sister for the first 3-4 days. My guess is that he will be so happy to have you back that he will be a little more accepting of your sister.

    If it were me, I wouldn't let him make the decision about your sister staying and I would be very firm about it. This is about you and your needs.
     
  4. margherita

    margherita Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    2,401
    Female
    Italy, Milan and Acqui Terme
    After doing all what they have advised to do, think of yourself and your health. As for the rest, happen what may.
    Please, be "selfish" , on this situation, at least.
     
  5. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,675
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi @Clarice cliff

    I'm not sure how far your sister lives from you so this might not be possible. You need to put yourself first for the next 6 weeks no matter what your husband might say. I agree with @Lawson58 that you should go to stay with your sister but wonder if it would be possible for her to check on your husband just once a day to put your mind at rest?

    When my dad was in the early stages he was fine by himself for a day or two although I always kept an eye on him.
     
  6. Jaded'n'faded

    Jaded'n'faded Registered User

    Jan 23, 2019
    296
    Female
    High Peak
    Yes, you will need the help, nominally for 6 weeks but you may need it for longer. It's really fortunate your sister can come.

    If it was me, I would just keep repeating to your husband that the help is for YOU (even if it is as much for him) and that your sister WILL be staying. End of story.
     
  7. PalSal

    PalSal Registered User

    Sorry to hear about your situation. I am happy you have your sister.
     

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