1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Lizzie1

    Lizzie1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2015
    12
    Today I cancelled our holiday to Spain just could not face the flight and hassle of my husbands incontinence and behaviour. My husband has Alzheimer's early onset he's 64 and I feel very guilty doing this!
    Do other carers feel like this or am I being selfish !:(
     
  2. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    Havn't cancelled a holiday abroad, but I have cancelled a few weekend trips for mum and me. Planning ahead, packing so much stuff and then having to deal with mums possible agitation when somewhere unfamiliar, the strain on me!!! My head ache just thinking about it all.
     
  3. Lizzie1

    Lizzie1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2015
    12
    Thanks I thought I was the only one that's head was constantly in a whirl planning a trip out. As you say it's the thought of unfamiliar territory and toilets that scares me off
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,765
    Female
    Dundee
    I couldn't possibly do a holiday abroad for just the two of us now. I took a carer with us to Spain in June. It made a massive difference. Even at that the planning was a major operation. I had to cancel one to Bruges a couple of years ago. I cancelled because of his ches infection but with insight it was a much too complicated itinerary and I'm glad my hand was forced and I cancelled it.

    At the end of the day you what you can do. The time is clearly right for you to take the decision not to go ahead with holidays abroad. Please try not to feel guilty about it. Go for days to nice places here. :)
     
  5. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    I cancelled a holiday to Spain a good few years ago. Stupidly I had booked a year in advance as we were going by ferry and taking the dog, so I wanted a cabin the dog was allowed in. There was absolutely no way we could have gone-I did take Pete to Devon knowing that relatives were close and would help if need be. I managed to get a refund via the travel insurance after Pete's consultant wrote a letter stating it was a terrible idea!

    So were you being selfish? Absolutely no! By the time we were going I knew that Pete wouldn't be able to cope. My Husband also had early onset-I know what it feels like (as many. many others do on this Forum) to have your plans and dreams crushed.

    Take care and be confident that you did the right thing in the circumstances

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  6. Lizzie1

    Lizzie1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2015
    12
    Thank you Izzy I've lost nights and nights of sleep just trying to be fair to all but my heart and gut feeling said I couldn't cope at the moment.Maybe as you say days out at this stage is the best option !
     
  7. Lizzie1

    Lizzie1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2015
    12
    I think like you we booked too early in advance as his condition is worsening but that's a lesson learnt. Thankyou for your encouragement
    love Liz
     
  8. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,967
    Brixham Devon
    The thing is Lizzie, hindsight is wonderful-foresight would be better!!!! There are so many variables with Dementia it's so difficult to make an informed decision:( You have to stand by your decisions or you would be always changing your mind-and what good would that do? You would be running round in circles.

    Always try to find peace in yourself by knowing whatever decisions you made were done with the best of intentions.

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     
  9. Lizzie1

    Lizzie1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2015
    12
    Thanks Lyn I'll try to remember your wise words x
     
  10. JigJog

    JigJog Registered User

    Nov 6, 2013
    241
    #10 JigJog, Jul 5, 2015
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2015
    Hi Lizzie,

    My OH has early onset Alzheimer's and is also 64. I have just returned from a holiday in Majorca. This was to a hotel we had been many times before. I decided to go and felt that I could cope.

    But things happened that I have just seen no evidence of at home. He was unable to cope with the whole idea of getting his own food from a buffet. He just put his hands in and grabbed whole handfuls of food. He would not use serving spoons or tongs. He wanted to mix all sorts of strange combinations of food. One breakfast he wanted continental breakfast in a cereal bowl with milk; another doughnuts and baked beans! He just couldn't cope with it, so had to be supervised and supported at each stage in the dining room. I had no idea this would happen. Nothing at home gave me an inkling that this might be a problem.

    He also showed a great deal of 'inappropriate' behaviour.' We were sat at the front of a bus and he leaned forward to grab a young woman's bottom with both hands. He also approached women, hands out in front of him, saying 'Whoa bosoms!'. He's never done anything like this before.

    I was on pins and basically didn't know what he was going to do next!

    Add to this the stress of the airport, security etc..........I don't think you are being selfish at all. It is a disease which can make our loved one very unpredictable, especially when taken away from their normal environment and routine.

    There comes a time when you have to say 'enough is enough' and be sensible. Go with your gut feeling.

    Best Wishes,

    JJx
     
  11. Lizzie1

    Lizzie1 Registered User

    Feb 20, 2015
    12
    Today after reading all the letters I feel I made the right decision JigJog. As you say it's the unpredictable behaviour that's the worry and at times my OH can be doubly incontinent.
    It must have been awful for you JigJog and I fully support your stance on thinking " enough is enough" Common sense has to prevail on this xx
     
  12. dottyd

    dottyd Registered User

    Jan 22, 2011
    1,066
    n.e.
    JJ .so sorry to hear that. I bet you were so relieved when you got home and shut your front door.

    Phew.

    I felt for you all the way through your narrative.

    My mum was still living at home and doing reasonably well. Relatives came to stay and a week later we took her to the airport to fly. The hour to them.

    Mumwas a frequent flyer. Made the vegas trip twice a year and had been to canaries with us a few months previiously

    Had a lovely day with her. Took her to lunch. Laughing no problems. Come to check in. Different matter when she realised I wouldn't be going.

    Anyway we persuaded her to get on the plane and according to my relatives she cried and cried like she was grieving .anyway the second half of the week she cheered up.

    Was so weird. She loved these people. They will have treated her like a queen but it was just too much for her.

    We think we are doing the best but their reality changes so much . Mum loved to go away. She hated living on her own.. I thought I was helping her, we all did but she never went away again after that.
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.