1. So Tired

    So Tired New member

    Tuesday
    6
    I’m feel horrible asking but I can’t help thinking that she’s faking for attention! I don’t even know where to start!!!!
     
  2. So Tired

    So Tired New member

    Tuesday
    6
    As I look back she has always wanted attention so she would go to the emergency room so much they knew her but each time let her tell it she’s having a heart attack or something else major so we rush to the hospital when we get there she’s smiling and chatting with the nurses mind you we work quite a distance from her
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    11,086
    Female
    South coast
    My MIL used to do this and I have heard of other people with dementia having phantom pains.

    I suspect that its due to stress/anxiety/fear which stems from the dementia. Does your Mum (?) live by herself? My MIL did and she used to try everything to get people to stay with her because she was afraid of being by herself. Once there was someone with her, of course, she was fine and forget that she was afraid of being on her own - till everyone left, of course.
     
  4. So Tired

    So Tired New member

    Tuesday
    6
     
  5. So Tired

    So Tired New member

    Tuesday
    6
    That sounds like her ! She has been doing this even before we suspected dementia so it’s hard for to separate the two. I feel like she’s pitting us against each other
     
  6. Rosettastone57

    Rosettastone57 Registered User

    Oct 27, 2016
    1,106
    My mother-in-law was very much like this. She had a personality disorder as a young adult which eventually morphed into dementia in her later years. She was widowed quite young and her need for attention became very demanding . She was living on her own in her own property and often used emotional blackmail on family members to fulfill her needs.

    Throughout her life she used illness to try and manipulate the situation. In fact it became the norm in her adult years so that when the dementia developed, family members didn't realise at first that this was an additional illness. My husband and I would often visit to find my mother-in-law laid out on the sofa with her arms crossed on her chest. We would never ask what was wrong because it was always the same response anyway usually "I had chest pains or I've had a heart attack ". We would ignore this and just go into another room ,after a few moments my mother-in-law would get off the sofa and join us as if nothing had happened.

    When she started having carer visits they soon wised up to the situation. When they first arrived she would talk to them in a slow whining voice as if she was ill and her voice was hoarse. Of course once she had their attention she reverted to a normal talking conversation voice within a few moments. The difficulty with this situation was it became increasingly problematic to realise when she was actually genuinely ill. We were so used to this type of behaviour that we had considered it normal for many years. Even when she eventually went into full-time care she still persisted with the same behaviours.
     
  7. So Tired

    So Tired New member

    Tuesday
    6
    Omg this is so weird I can’t get with this
     
  8. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    6,215
    Male
    Bristol
    Welcome to the forum @So Tired.
    Can I assume your mom has never had a formal diagnosis? Being confused and forgetful with family, but appearing to have nothing wrong when talking to doctors or social workers is fairly normal with dementia. It's usually referred to as hostess or host mode.
    Your best bet is to get her GP to assess her and take it from there. The factsheets and links at https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/about-dementia/symptoms-and-diagnosis/worried-about-memory-problems will help guide you and your mum.
     
  9. Lawson58

    Lawson58 Registered User

    I think the people with dementia latch onto things that they hear or see on TV and it ferments in the brain for a while before they think that they have something, or are ill.

    We have had days of smoke haze from the bushfires and my husband has seen the warnings on TV about older people, those with asthma, heart conditions and how they should stay inside. Today he went down to the Seniors Club, a 2 minute walk there and same back. Last night he kept wondering about his heart and the smoke and was getting a bit panicky but forgot about it an hour later.

    The perceptions of people with dementia are quite different to ours and trying to apply logic to their behaviour is a bit pointless. However, I would have to guess that fear has a lot to do with these episodes and that it is a cry more for reassurance rather than attention.
     

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