Hi
My mother is based in Scotland. She was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Her short term memory is affected but not in my opinion her ability to reason and make decisions. My sister has POA for finance and we share joint POA for her welfare. My mother is very unhappy about how restrictive my sister is being with my mother's money. She treats her as though she has virtually no capacity at all.
My mother feels disempowered by how my sister is treating her. I have tried repeatedly to discuss this with my sister but she accuses me of undermining her. My sister is also trying to stop my mother going to a concert she wants to go to at the Edinburgh Festival because it is "unsuitable" and has refused to refund me the ticket price, and has told me I have not to take the refund from my mother. I feel she is breaking the regulations of POA, that the "least restrictive" action should always be taken and the adult should feel as thought they are still at least partly in charge of their own finances.
My mother has taken her diagnosis really well, is being very proactive in taking fish oil, gingko biloba tea, cinnamon tea, turmeric tea, and is trying to get better sleep and remain positive. I am concerned that this ongoing situation could cause her undue stress.
I have enlisted the help of an advocacy worker for Mum, I already have one. He visited my mother with me present and together we outlined how my Mum is feeling. He hoped to to set up a meeting with my sister, Mum and me which he would oversee with a view to trying to reason with my sister and make her aware of the changes that need to be made. My mother has tried to talk to her but she threatens to stop doing it and says a guardianship order would have to be set up, which it wouldn't because I could do it for her. I would prefer to sort this out than have my Mum going through the stress and expense of revoking the POA and setting it up in my name, although I am told as the POA document is "live" it would be a case of changing the name. I used to have my name on it and I walked away due to the never ending family arguments that ensued.
My question is, now that Mum has been diagnosed does that mean she has lost the right to revoke it if she really wanted to, as she doesn't really any longer have the capacity for running her quite complicated finances, there is a bit of debt, but yet she is still very much in her right mind and knows what she would be instructing.
My other question is, what can I do to help Mum further? I am asking my own advocacy worker for help. I believe my sister wants to set up a meeting without me, involving a social worker and my mother and her advocacy worker. I believe she is going to intimidate my mother by bringing in the social worker, and has probably already convinced her of my mother's alleged incapacity. My Mum's advocacy worker is quite inexperienced and has only dealt with adults who have no family up until now.
I really want my Mum to be happy about the status quo. She knows nothing about her financial status, has to practically beg my sister for money and is furious that my sister is making even the tiniest decision for her as regards things like toiletries and basics.
Does anyone know to what extent she is flouting the rules of Power of Attorney? Because according to the guidelines I think she is, although she has been doing a good job of actually managing the finances, it is just that she is becoming very controlling, to my mind at far too early a stage.
Thanks for your input. Anyone with a legal background (or otherwise) is welcome to give me your thoughts.
Thanks
My mother is based in Scotland. She was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's. Her short term memory is affected but not in my opinion her ability to reason and make decisions. My sister has POA for finance and we share joint POA for her welfare. My mother is very unhappy about how restrictive my sister is being with my mother's money. She treats her as though she has virtually no capacity at all.
My mother feels disempowered by how my sister is treating her. I have tried repeatedly to discuss this with my sister but she accuses me of undermining her. My sister is also trying to stop my mother going to a concert she wants to go to at the Edinburgh Festival because it is "unsuitable" and has refused to refund me the ticket price, and has told me I have not to take the refund from my mother. I feel she is breaking the regulations of POA, that the "least restrictive" action should always be taken and the adult should feel as thought they are still at least partly in charge of their own finances.
My mother has taken her diagnosis really well, is being very proactive in taking fish oil, gingko biloba tea, cinnamon tea, turmeric tea, and is trying to get better sleep and remain positive. I am concerned that this ongoing situation could cause her undue stress.
I have enlisted the help of an advocacy worker for Mum, I already have one. He visited my mother with me present and together we outlined how my Mum is feeling. He hoped to to set up a meeting with my sister, Mum and me which he would oversee with a view to trying to reason with my sister and make her aware of the changes that need to be made. My mother has tried to talk to her but she threatens to stop doing it and says a guardianship order would have to be set up, which it wouldn't because I could do it for her. I would prefer to sort this out than have my Mum going through the stress and expense of revoking the POA and setting it up in my name, although I am told as the POA document is "live" it would be a case of changing the name. I used to have my name on it and I walked away due to the never ending family arguments that ensued.
My question is, now that Mum has been diagnosed does that mean she has lost the right to revoke it if she really wanted to, as she doesn't really any longer have the capacity for running her quite complicated finances, there is a bit of debt, but yet she is still very much in her right mind and knows what she would be instructing.
My other question is, what can I do to help Mum further? I am asking my own advocacy worker for help. I believe my sister wants to set up a meeting without me, involving a social worker and my mother and her advocacy worker. I believe she is going to intimidate my mother by bringing in the social worker, and has probably already convinced her of my mother's alleged incapacity. My Mum's advocacy worker is quite inexperienced and has only dealt with adults who have no family up until now.
I really want my Mum to be happy about the status quo. She knows nothing about her financial status, has to practically beg my sister for money and is furious that my sister is making even the tiniest decision for her as regards things like toiletries and basics.
Does anyone know to what extent she is flouting the rules of Power of Attorney? Because according to the guidelines I think she is, although she has been doing a good job of actually managing the finances, it is just that she is becoming very controlling, to my mind at far too early a stage.
Thanks for your input. Anyone with a legal background (or otherwise) is welcome to give me your thoughts.
Thanks
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