Can people with dementia be manipulative?

Dunkery

Registered User
Jul 19, 2013
49
0
Devon
Hi

I think this behaviour is down to anxiety/fear rather than manipulation (well in my Husband's case anyway). P used to follow me around ALL of the time-he used to get really anxious even when I went to the bathroom.It got quite dangerous at times when I was taking something out of the oven etc. I used to say that we shared the same shadow!:D

I found this stage very upsetting as P used to be so independent.Now he has passed this stage and appears to be more relaxed. He does follow the carers around in the CH but, bless them, they don't mind as they are glad that his legs are still working.

Take care Dunkery-who knows this stage may pass-and don't apologise for using the word 'manipulative'.

Lyn T

Thank you Lyn T. It is comforting to think this could be a stage that mum is going through. I can identify so much with some of your experiences. Mum often comes out into the kitchen and grasps hold of the cooker when I am getting a meal and last night she got so upset and starting shouting, when I was brushing my teeth and she wanted to come upstairs, even though she is perfectly capable of walking up the stairs but just likes me with her! It is good to know your husband is more relaxed now in his CH. That must be comforting for you. Take care.
 

Wooley

Registered User
Aug 2, 2013
14
0
Hi. All of what you say sounds so familiar. It is always easy for other people to tell you not to give in, but they aren't the ones dealing with it are they. Your Mum/My mum are using emotional blackmail but they are not usually aware that is what they are doing. My Mum is also very clingy, and gets so withdrawn and frightened she is more like a small child than an adult, but what to do when they are at this stage is tricky and I don't have an answer. I don't know about your mum but mine gets upset if I am too direct with my comments and then either cries or withdraws to her room and I get the silent treatment! Whatever happens it is always the carer who feels guilty. It is important for you to get whatever breaks you can. Sometimes for your own sanity you must upset your mum a bit, try giving her a big hug and reassure her before you go out, and again when you get back. My Mum does go to the day centre, it was twice a week but I have reduced it to once as she wanted to stop going altogether, and the compromise I came up with was that she still went one day a week unless she could come up with a plan to give me a day to myself. Think maybe a bit of blackmail on this may work, try telling her she needs to go to the day centre once or twice a week because you do need a break and if you don't get one she may have to go into a home! Harsh but worth a try!?
 

Lainey 127

Registered User
Nov 25, 2012
216
0
Liverpool UK
Hi, nothing to add really but just to send you my understanding and support. My Mum is exactly the same, won't be left alone for even five minutes and as she is bed bound at the moment it's murder!
I can't go downstairs without her yelling "Help me!" on top note after a few minutes.
We have a carer once a week but so far haven't been able to go out and leave Mum with her. We get called back after 20 minutes!
Just this week though, we found a new care agency who have given us hope. The carer who came for the first time yesterday explained that Mum is like a child on her first day in school. Everything around her is hostile and alien, and Mum feels alone, scared and vulnerable but it's 24/7 for her. Every minute feels like an hour. It's like a constant drumming in her head and she can't turn it off. She needs the reassurance of a familiar face; someone she can trust and to hold her hand.
However we are going to persevere with the carers. This new carer has told us to.just put.our coats on, walk out of the door and relax. She's seen it a hundred times before and will get along with Mum beautifully. Once we've left Mum with her once, it will get easier. We just have to trust her and make the break, so we're going to give it a go!
Good luck, and I hope you get a break.soon.