Can I ... Should I?

[canary]

Mum did that grabbing and pointing in the air and Ive heard others describe it too. I think it must be part of the process.
(((((((hugs)))))))

 

[Margi29]

Done that one am afraid, walking round supermarket, crying eyes out, I didn't even care ( big hugs )

So it's ok that brother has not cooked Sunday lunch ??? Bless them, did they manage or starve to death ( idiots)

You are doing a wonderful job at caring for your mum, thank goodness you are on ' the ball ' re medication.

Care company, I won't comment, I'll get kicked off this site x

I'm here any time, either phone or TP x

Ps alarm, large lump hammer, three strikes or more should do it x

 

[love.dad.but..]

I know you want to adhere to your mum's wishes on pain relief however maybe the time has come when her muddled thoughts should be over ridden by doing what is in her best interests to give her pain free comfort and so if that means covertly then you if you decide you should do that guilt free. Her concern now of the anticipated impact of the meds as she slips further into end of life will change as the process often includes loss of bowel control eventually...as sad as that sounds.

Dad was given muscle relaxant ...for some during the dying process it helps ...as well as pain relief and something to stop fluid building up on the lungs.

Dad repeatedly pulled my arm over his body almost like a comfort blanket he was always adjusting in the last few days before he became unconscious.

Tears in Tesco is fine...can't begin to list the places and people I have blubbed in and to. Same for a lot of us.

 

[canary]

Her concern now of the anticipated impact of the meds as she slips further into end of life will change as the process often includes loss of bowel control eventually...as sad as that sounds.

Yes, thats true. I wonder whether your mum retains a nugget of memory of this from her nursing days?
Either way, yes, just giving her the medication that she needs is the best thing

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @2jays

It is a strange time to be sure. I’m hanging washing, talking to J over the fence & the sun is shining. Fir a few minutes I’m just a normal person with a normal life. Then I’m stretching out in the lounge, checking mums breathing & getting her sips of water & it’s nothing like normal

I’ll bear up to the blue face for the energy giving of a hug

I love London. I love it’s energy When I lived closer, a hop on a tube, I wouId go quite a bit. Not been fir a few years now, glad you’re enjoying it, but I understand wanting the peace of home too

There are people who don’t need WiFi????? Who are these people?

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hello @Baby Bunty

Pull up a chair, wrap your fingers round a mug of coffee or milkshake & join right in. We’re a friendly bunch in here.

I do love Mum, though we’ve not always had the best relationship, she’s frustrated me at times & driven me stark staring bonkers at others, but she’s still this person I desperately want to love me. I’m not really doing any more than anyone else here, we all do our best, at the worst time of our lives. I’ve surprised myself at what I can do.

Mum woke a few times with the smoke alarm going off. I buried it in a pillow, with my finger on the reset, but it was still too loud. I took it out to the conservatory, wrapped it in a blanket & shut the door on it in the end. Blasted little bundle of noise

 

[Sam Luvit]

Afternoon @Amy in the US

Where is the time going. A blink of an eye & it’s gone from 06.00 to after midday. Washing on, but washing up still piling up. Oh well, I’m sure I have paper plates somewhere.

Fire alarm is in the conservatory. It can blooming stay there. Although I must get my butt in gear & do something as we now don’t have one. I was thinking of the fire station, but my brain has been short circuited on how to call. Don't think 999 wouId appreciate a call asking how to hush up one of their blooming alarms

Meds are being given, but they are not enough. She’s pulling the blanket & legs are twitching. She’s asked me to close her mouth? Another hour before I can give her another dose.

I don’t care that I cried in public, I expect I’ll do my share in the coming weeks. I was furious that an admin error was going to cause Mum more anxiety & I couid do nothing. I had to finish the shop, Sunday trading hours & we needed food. So I’m swiping at the tears, wanting to hurt someone to take away the pain. Tesco is not the place to be on a Sunday at 15.30, it’s about the worst place to be, surrounded by lots of people racing around before they close at 16.00

I do love your hugs, there are so many

 

[Sam Luvit]

...."Care" agency indeed, well done xxx

Now why didn’t I think of that???? Bucket of water. Perfect.

Yeah. I don’t have polite words for the “care” agency either.

I phoned ASC within minutes of their phones going on & left a message for my contact. She called me back to say it was sorted from tomorrow, back up to an hour in the morning

I knew it wouId be pushing things for the Carer to have short time, so I had as much ready for her arrival as possible. I was grabbing clothes & passing them over, helping wheel Mum about, removing bowls. Got it done but it was tight & I was shattered when she left.

 

[Sam Luvit]

When do you get to sleep @jugglingmum ?

Thank you for the hugs, gratefully accepted.

 

[jugglingmum]

I'm normally well in the land of nod at that time, son was exhausted, they'd left Germany at 7.30am on Sunday morning and got to school at 3.15 am Monday (Ok an hours time difference in there), so he collapsed on his bedroom floor and I had to persuade him to climb the ladder to bed (I'd got the dog in his room first for a cuddle). I did go to bed at my normal time, and then get up at 2.30 am.

I got up half an hour later than normal, and then slept on train as well, nearly missed my stop.

As to no wifi, I often end up in no wifi areas, hotels often charge for it and I'm not bloomin paying, and at son's sports events there isn't any. At daughter's off road cycling events, there is no signal, let alone wifi. They are often in some remote forest or field, down a single track muddy lane.

 

[Amy in the US]

Sam, here in the States, there is usually a local "non emergency" phone number for the local police and fire station. Google might turn it up? Or the local council might know? Or maybe someone here knows how to find it?

At a guess I would Google "yourtown non emergency fire" and see what you get.

Please have some (((((((hugs))))))).

 

[Earthgirl72]

When Dad was tampering with the smoke alarms, I had to contact the community tri-service station and they arranged for a man to come out and refit them. Perhaps you have a similar station local to you?

I somehow seem to have managed to get dad's med prompts sorted, with CHC, without fighting.. I am slightly scared - and might need the vino later to get over the shock

Huge hugs as usual xx

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Slugsta

I’ve been giving Mum the pain meds, telling her she just needs to take them. She asked if the morning liquid was oramorph, but swallowed it. Her second dose of paracetamol was just taken & she said the pain meds are very good. Maybe she just needed me to take charge to make her take them. No weakness in her then

Yes, improved relationship with brother has been a good thing to come out of this. We’ve got on well before, but this last week, we’ve really talked. Talked about Mum & dad, what they were like as parents, what we missed out on by not growing up in England, how it’s affected our children & lots of incidental stuff.

His family .... not going there. Selfish, self centred ..... just not going there

Grabbing the hugs though

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Margi29

I am pretty disgusted at the lack of support brother is getting. She has transport, but he is walking into town & doing the shopping. Seriously, I can’t get round her attitude & then to tell him he needs to tell the kids (in their 20’s), that they need to get their own dinner.

I’m pretty sure if I was in her shoes, I’d be doing all the shopping, cooking, cleaning & dropping him off with a packed lunch Obviously I’m not like her, thankfully

I have just the hammer too

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @love.dad.but..

I’ve started just giving her pain meds, it seems to help some, she is accepting it now. I just decided enough is enough, I’m not watching her in pain when I can stop the pain.

She’s getting a bit of a cough now, different to the COPD, just hope pneumonia isn’t on it’s way too.

Mum holds my hand a lot, grabbing around until I hold her, then settles.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Yes @canary Im pretty sure it’s her nursing memories that are making her worry about making a mess. She’s very concerned that I don’t get to clean up after her.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @jugglingmum

I thought you’d stayed up till that time. Although you walk around punch drunk at first, getting some sleep when picking up middle of the night, is preferable. I’m so glad I don't have that now ... except this week. I doubt I could do it on a regular basis though.

If I’m away, staying with friends for a night, or hotel (no I won’t pay either) or holiday, I often don't even log in. I was thinking that @2jays cousin doesn’t see WiFi at home to be necessary. I use it at home, downloading books, checking bank, just generally finding stuff, as well as TP. when I moved in with Mum, I insisted on internet connection of a decent level

 

[Amy in the US]

Sam, I'll say again, I think it's a good idea to keep her on a regular schedule with the pain meds and to say and do whatever you have to say/do (or not say!) to get her to take them. I agree completely that it is important to keep her pain levels as minimal as possible.

Definitely when you see or talk to the DN or the hospice people next, mention the not-COPD cough. It could be something they can help with.

I am so sad to hear that your poor mum is worrying about making a mess or you needing to clear/clean up after her. I hope someone (again, maybe the district or hospice nurses) can offer some reassurance about that. I know you are reassuring her but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone else.

I have nothing good to say about brother's family. They are all old enough to look after themselves and to have the cheek to moan about inconvenience to them at at time like this really beggars belief!

I am sorry for your brother, that he is not getting support from his family right now.

Here is your dose of ((((((((((HUGS)))))))))) for this afternoon, and here are some (((((hugs))))) for your brother and Pooch as well!

 

[2jays]

Sorry wasn’t paying attention when/if firestation smoke alarm talked about

I would have said DONT DO IT. DONT LET THEM FIT ONE. THEY ARE USELESS - But too late

Good to hear the pain meds are helping

Squishy hugs xx

Re WiFi - they have one, but it needs replacing... can’t see the point as doesn’t use it much

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Amy in the US

Although I read the blurb on the back of the alarm last night & today. I found nothing. I gave it to someone, they looked & said “you could akways use the free phone number for tech support”

I’m presently on hold with them ......