Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Carer arrived at last, only 45 minutes late, oh well, my times not valuable again

She was last here in January, 2 minutes with Mum & she said “Oh. Totally different person”.

She’s bright isn’t she

 

[2jays]

Nice to know you getting observant people around to help

Off away for a few days, no WiFi that I’m aware of.

Catch up later xxxx

 

[Margi29]

How scary and afraid you must have been when your mum was unresponsive, I'm sending big hugs x
It does suck, this awful cruel disease , it's just not fair, the deterioration of your mum is shocking.

Best wishes to you both x

 

[Margi29]

Hi all

A normal day in the life according to Margi

Last night I was at mums.

Mum: these scars on my tummy were caused in the fire ( no caesarean scar caused by me )

Mum: I was in prison
Me : what for ???
Mum: can't remember ( utter made up)

Mum: my arm hurts, it's from when that woman shot me

All this is going on I'm sat there in a red hot flat, nodding, saying ' oh really ' thinking OMG

it's how life rolls at the moment

 

[Slugsta]

Evening all,

Sam, I am glad that both sons visited and that you got lots of real-life hugs. That episode of your mum's must have been very frightening!

Margi, your mum has clearly led a very interesting life!

Jm, it sounds like a manic weekend! More activities than i do in a year!

"Js, hope you have good time.

It is another scorching day here (temps 3C at 1pm), I didn't want to get out of the pool this morning.

(((hugs))) to all.

 

[canary]

Ih Sam, Ive just caught up and dont know what to say.
Scary times. Glad grandchildren have come for a visit.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Lo @jugglingmum you are so right. I used to run around all the time, fitting it all in, just another day. I look back on it & I don’t know how

Don’t you just hate running for the train & watching it pull out I didn’t often get the train, but I’ve missed a few.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Nice to know you getting observant people around to help

Off away for a few days, no WiFi that I’m aware of.

Catch up later xxxx

Go have a great break, rest, unwind, enjoy the weather. I’ll be here when you get back

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Margi29

With everything that is going on, I looked at Mum & thought of just letting her go, but both grandchildren were here & I didn’t want them to see that, so I held her hand, talked to her & after 10 seconds she took a breath.

Tonight’s Carer was here on Saturday, just 48 hours ago & she’s just said Mum is going downhill rapidly. I find myself avoiding checking her when I get up, I’m afraid of what I’ll find.

I know she might well rally & get a second wind, but I’m not holding out much hope of that. She keeps saying “I think I’m really poorly”. What can I say to that apart from “it’s ok Mum”

I’m so tired today. Brother came over, he looks beaten by what he’s seeing. He doesn’t know what to do or say to me. He keeps asking if I’m ok (I must look like rubbish for him to ask ). He’s said to call him whatever the time, he will come over, we won’t be able to do anything if it’s 03.00, but he will come & hold my hand.

The religious neighbour S came over while brother was here. Honestly, I’d spoken to her 2 days ago saying Mum is not up to visitors, so round she barrels “I just popped over ....”. Some people have no decency. Yes she may well have seen J coming round, but J comes over all the time, through thick & thin, not just to find the latest gossip

She starts wittering on about how Mum will get better now she’s home. I was too tired to deal with her. I tried looking her in the eye & saying that no, Mum is not going to get better, but she seems convinced she knows, so I threw my hands up & said, no, my mum is dying & walked out.

What in heavens name us wrong with people???? Go away. I can’t cope with you. Silly silly woman

 

[Sam Luvit]

Ah, the wonders of dementia talking. Absolute tripe @Margi29 Don’t you just love it

Your poor Mum thinking she’s had all these things happen to her

What is it with their internal thermostat, I’m dripping in a vest top & shorts, while Mum wanted a fleece

 

[Sam Luvit]

Evening @Slugsta

It was good to see the kids. Youngest was very sweet, doing things that will help his grandma coz he adores her. He does give great hugs Not at all embarrassed to be seen giving a hug I taught him well

What I wouldn't have given for a pool today I nearly bought a paddling pool, just so I could lie in water .

 

[Sam Luvit]

Ih Sam, Ive just caught up and dont know what to say.
Scary times. Glad grandchildren have come for a visit.

Thanks @canary The thing is, there is nothing anyone can say that makes it any better, but saying anything is what helps.

 

[Margi29]

Evening all,

Sam, I am glad that both sons visited and that you got lots of real-life hugs. That episode of your mum's must have been very frightening!

Margi, your mum has clearly led a very interesting life!

Jm, it sounds like a manic weekend! More activities than i do in a year!

"Js, hope you have good time.

It is another scorching day here (temps 3C at 1pm), I didn't want to get out of the pool this morning.

(((hugs))) to all.

I just would like to know how she found time for all the scenarios in her life ( that us lot never saw)
I so wish I had a pool to sit in, it's like having permanent tropical moments with this heat ha ha

 

[Margi29]

Hi @Margi29

With everything that is going on, I looked at Mum & thought of just letting her go, but both grandchildren were here & I didn’t want them to see that, so I held her hand, talked to her & after 10 seconds she took a breath.

Tonight’s Carer was here on Saturday, just 48 hours ago & she’s just said Mum is going downhill rapidly. I find myself avoiding checking her when I get up, I’m afraid of what I’ll find.

I know she might well rally & get a second wind, but I’m not holding out much hope of that. She keeps saying “I think I’m really poorly”. What can I say to that apart from “it’s ok Mum”

I’m so tired today. Brother came over, he looks beaten by what he’s seeing. He doesn’t know what to do or say to me. He keeps asking if I’m ok (I must look like rubbish for him to ask ). He’s said to call him whatever the time, he will come over, we won’t be able to do anything if it’s 03.00, but he will come & hold my hand.

The religious neighbour S came over while brother was here. Honestly, I’d spoken to her 2 days ago saying Mum is not up to visitors, so round she barrels “I just popped over ....”. Some people have no decency. Yes she may well have seen J coming round, but J comes over all the time, through thick & thin, not just to find the latest gossip

She starts wittering on about how Mum will get better now she’s home. I was too tired to deal with her. I tried looking her in the eye & saying that no, Mum is not going to get better, but she seems convinced she knows, so I threw my hands up & said, no, my mum is dying & walked out.

What in heavens name us wrong with people???? Go away. I can’t cope with you. Silly silly woman

What is it with some people ??? Does neighbor not realise you might actually know your mum better than she does??? I don't blame you at all giving her a bit of vocal. If she doesn't like it, no need to pop over again
Remember my stupid mil, who said ' is your mum better now ?? '
Err no !!! You can't fix dementia !! I wanted to scream

I'm so glad you can ring your brother for support if or when needed x

I'm dog sitting this week, in between grandchildren and mum, please feel free to ring anytime

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Margi29

I know you know, but you do know your mum is making up explanations for the things she has forgotten. She has a scar, no idea where it came from, some random memory of a film, book, story about a scar from a fire & hey presto, she has her explanation... blooming dementia.

Nope. Neighbour knows best. Her mum is old & her Mum has been in a hospital & her Mum got lots better when she got home, so ... obviously my mum will get better being at home. Her mum is just getting older, my mum is not age related. Daft woman. Yes, this is the same neighbour who questioned (interrogated) me about what I’d set up for Mum when I was going away in April. I snapped her head off then too. Told her I was just going to walk out the door & Mum wouId have to cope. Some people ....

TBH, I don’t really know what to say to anyone. The cares are sweet, but commenting about mums changes. Brother & I touch on the practical stuff & I rattle off “mums out of hospital, not doing so well, gotta go, sorry” to anyone else. I think if I think too much or talk too much I might start bawling again & I’ll never stop

Enjoy your break from internet & those beautiful dogs

 

[canary]

Sam, have you talked to your mums GP about your fears that she is dying?
If the GP agrees that she is, then they can prescribe a "just-in-case" box with the things needed for end of life care - pain killers, muscle relaxants etc.

I didnt want to say this before, but mum never recovered from the fall that broke her hip. She had surgery to repair it and to begin with she seems to make good progress, then she started to complain about feeling sick, not being able to eat and her body just closed down. I know PWD can surprise you and bounce back, but I can understand your fears and if she is, indeed, coming to the end of her life then you need to be prepared.

 

[Sam Luvit]

I was sitting here last night wondering what you do, when that happens @canary. Who do you tell in the middle of the night? It’s not like she’d need an ambulance & no crime has been committed so the police seems daft. I guess her doctor wouId be less than impressed. I was thinking I need to talk to her GP, but getting a visit might be a futile waste of energy (they avoid house calls & she’s not going to them). Guess I need to pull on my big girl pants & start finding out.

 

[Earthgirl72]

I have nothing useful or helpful to offer, but just stopping by with a hug from way down west. It''s looking like another scorchio day. I hope that it's a peaceful one xx

 

[Slugsta]

Morning all,

Sam, your mum's GP should be willing to talk to you on the phone, especially if you make at clear from the outset that you are giving them information rather than asking questions (yes, I know there are things you need to ask, but you need to get a toe in the door first!).

Having the 'End of life' drugs available means that you don't have to worry about finding a pharmacy open out of 'normal' hours and that can be reassuring for the carer. It doesn't matter if they are never used.

When my MIL died, in the early hours of the morning, we phoned the Out of Hours GP, said it was not an emergency, just letting them know. Someone came out and certified death, then we rang the Funeral Directors in the morning. I would have been happy to wait until morning but OH felt we needed to tell someone, so we did.

Sam, I am sending you mega-strength cyber (((hugs))).

 

[canary]

The days before the end can need quite a lot of painkillers - mum was on a syringe driver which delivered the painkillers in her "just-in-case" box on a constant basis. The just-in-case box was prescribed by her GP as soon as she was put on palliative care and the syringe driver was sorted out and monitored by the district nurses - even through the night. I know mum was in a care home, but they didnt have nurses there constantly so the systems was the same as if she had been at home. It did need sorting out in advance though, otherwise it would have been horrendous when she started needing the painkillers in the middle of the night.

Try speaking to your mums GP on the phone, explain your fears and ask whether a just-in-case box would be appropriate. I think GPs are more willing to go the extra mile when you are talking about end of life care.