I really have no idea of where to start ....the beginning ... this week ... just know I have to start putting it down before I explode
Yeah, I've heard the "you are just reliving it" view, but for me, talking helps
So here goes ... from a while ago
25 May 2014
I'd been down to see mum & dad the previous weekend, helped with painting the garden fence, not finished it, said I'd carry on in 2 weeks & please wait
So, mum can't / won't wait & falls off the ladder while painting, beaks her hip & ends up in hospital. Nice one mum
Hospital misdiagnosed stroke & move her 20 miles to another hospital & then can't move her back as no bed!
As she is on the stroke unit, they won't let her out of bed, physio refuse to act as different hospital, (same district), I complain to her surgeon, 5 days post op & no movement will reduce recovery, I tell the staff, I don't care how much you hate me, she's my mum & I will get her moved
I'm 80 miles away, so phone calls, 160 mile round trips every weekend, eventually get her into a rehab unit close to dad
Aug 2014
After several falls, lots of pleading & emotional blackmail, I get dad to go to the doctors & he goes for a brain scan
Mum comes home, Zimmer frame, then sticks, not exactly able to help when dad falls, so paramedics called a few times
Then I get a garbled message from my brother, dads fallen, mum is out & what can I do? Seriously. I'm 80 miles away & he is 5 miles away
Long story short.
I call the house, paramedic answers. I demand they take him to hospital, sick of not getting any answers. He had a brain scan in Aug & still no results
Paramedic was amazing. Definitely went the extra mile. He got hold of the Doctor, found his results showing he had fluid on the brain & made dad go to hospital
Two days later they want to discharge dad, when mum points out he is dragging his leg, possible stroke? The next day I visit & see his face has dropped, find a medic & ask about possible Stoke.
I'm told in no uncertain terms, they are trained & I'm not. They would have seen this if he had had a stroke. Silly girl
I phone. I complain. Nothing. He's booked for a scan. It'll happen. They are busy. I know they can pinpoint the time of the stroke if the scan is done within 5 days. Within a month if after this.
Scan done on day 6
Dad had a stroke, within the last month
Call me sceptical, but the paramedic noticed nothing to indicate dad had a stroke, they delayed the scan till day 6, I think they missed it & covered their b***s
Anyway. Dad then got pneumonia, take it a day at a time & not expecting him to make it. But he did
Dad lost about 20 years of memory over night, I had to tie my hair up to make it look short so he recognised me. I joked that my brother had aged suddenly lol
Dad was discharged to a nursing home, just after Xmas, got pneumonia again & ambulance back to hospital
Feb 2015
I got the call as I was driving home, turned round & went back to mum. Walked in. Grabbed her coat, bundled her in the car while phoning my brother, picked him up en route to the hospital
Dad was in resus when we arrived, so distracted mum while we waited. They stabilised him & we visited. The 4 of us had a really good couple of hours, laughing & joking, while they found him a bed
They said he was fine. They said he'd stay in a few weeks & then go back to the NH.
I took mum & my brother home & then drove 80 miles so I could be at work in the morning. I told them I was going to be 80 miles away, should I say. They said go home.
At 13.30 I got a call. The hospital had been trying to get hold of mum
"Really sorry to do this in the phone, but your dad died an hour ago".
Needless to say, mum didn't cope too well.
Mum was then diagnosed early staged Altzimers. My brother is totally in denial about this
I've been doing 160 round trip every weekend for 9 months, while working full time & I'm on my knees. I'm so tired I'm crying. I take my brother to lunch on one visit & beg him to help.
I laughingly say, hey I know, I'll sell my house, quit work & move down .... his response ... Yeah that would work!!!!!!!
Aug 2015
16 months of 160 every weekend. All I do is work, sleep & drive
I've ended up sorting LPA & Probate, put my house on the market, hand in my notice & move while waiting for the sale to go through. I took a local job, rubbish pay & 3 steps down to help with mortgage payments
Jan 2016
Gave up the local job. House sold. Move in with mum as carer
We've had our ups n down. Trying to settle into this new life, where she has to accept I'm not in my teens & I'm not going to tell her everything I do, while she has to accept I'm doing everything I can to make her life easier
Like I say to her, I may not be the best choice, but I'm what she has
Sorry, just crying putting that down
Yeah, I've heard the "you are just reliving it" view, but for me, talking helps
So here goes ... from a while ago
25 May 2014
I'd been down to see mum & dad the previous weekend, helped with painting the garden fence, not finished it, said I'd carry on in 2 weeks & please wait
So, mum can't / won't wait & falls off the ladder while painting, beaks her hip & ends up in hospital. Nice one mum
Hospital misdiagnosed stroke & move her 20 miles to another hospital & then can't move her back as no bed!
As she is on the stroke unit, they won't let her out of bed, physio refuse to act as different hospital, (same district), I complain to her surgeon, 5 days post op & no movement will reduce recovery, I tell the staff, I don't care how much you hate me, she's my mum & I will get her moved
I'm 80 miles away, so phone calls, 160 mile round trips every weekend, eventually get her into a rehab unit close to dad
Aug 2014
After several falls, lots of pleading & emotional blackmail, I get dad to go to the doctors & he goes for a brain scan
Mum comes home, Zimmer frame, then sticks, not exactly able to help when dad falls, so paramedics called a few times
Then I get a garbled message from my brother, dads fallen, mum is out & what can I do? Seriously. I'm 80 miles away & he is 5 miles away
Long story short.
I call the house, paramedic answers. I demand they take him to hospital, sick of not getting any answers. He had a brain scan in Aug & still no results
Paramedic was amazing. Definitely went the extra mile. He got hold of the Doctor, found his results showing he had fluid on the brain & made dad go to hospital
Two days later they want to discharge dad, when mum points out he is dragging his leg, possible stroke? The next day I visit & see his face has dropped, find a medic & ask about possible Stoke.
I'm told in no uncertain terms, they are trained & I'm not. They would have seen this if he had had a stroke. Silly girl
I phone. I complain. Nothing. He's booked for a scan. It'll happen. They are busy. I know they can pinpoint the time of the stroke if the scan is done within 5 days. Within a month if after this.
Scan done on day 6
Dad had a stroke, within the last month
Call me sceptical, but the paramedic noticed nothing to indicate dad had a stroke, they delayed the scan till day 6, I think they missed it & covered their b***s
Anyway. Dad then got pneumonia, take it a day at a time & not expecting him to make it. But he did
Dad lost about 20 years of memory over night, I had to tie my hair up to make it look short so he recognised me. I joked that my brother had aged suddenly lol
Dad was discharged to a nursing home, just after Xmas, got pneumonia again & ambulance back to hospital
Feb 2015
I got the call as I was driving home, turned round & went back to mum. Walked in. Grabbed her coat, bundled her in the car while phoning my brother, picked him up en route to the hospital
Dad was in resus when we arrived, so distracted mum while we waited. They stabilised him & we visited. The 4 of us had a really good couple of hours, laughing & joking, while they found him a bed
They said he was fine. They said he'd stay in a few weeks & then go back to the NH.
I took mum & my brother home & then drove 80 miles so I could be at work in the morning. I told them I was going to be 80 miles away, should I say. They said go home.
At 13.30 I got a call. The hospital had been trying to get hold of mum
"Really sorry to do this in the phone, but your dad died an hour ago".
Needless to say, mum didn't cope too well.
Mum was then diagnosed early staged Altzimers. My brother is totally in denial about this
I've been doing 160 round trip every weekend for 9 months, while working full time & I'm on my knees. I'm so tired I'm crying. I take my brother to lunch on one visit & beg him to help.
I laughingly say, hey I know, I'll sell my house, quit work & move down .... his response ... Yeah that would work!!!!!!!
Aug 2015
16 months of 160 every weekend. All I do is work, sleep & drive
I've ended up sorting LPA & Probate, put my house on the market, hand in my notice & move while waiting for the sale to go through. I took a local job, rubbish pay & 3 steps down to help with mortgage payments
Jan 2016
Gave up the local job. House sold. Move in with mum as carer
We've had our ups n down. Trying to settle into this new life, where she has to accept I'm not in my teens & I'm not going to tell her everything I do, while she has to accept I'm doing everything I can to make her life easier
Like I say to her, I may not be the best choice, but I'm what she has
Sorry, just crying putting that down