Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Slugsta

I've just caught up on So Bizarre, I'm disgusted on your behalf, sounds just like edgh a few years ago with mum, the nursing staff were somewhat shocked at me on my first visit, when I calmly informed them they would hate me before the week was out, but I didn't care, she's my mum & I will fight anyone to get what she needs. (Maybe I just fight all the time??)

How very dare the SW threaten you with moving your mum if you don't get it sorted. That's someone who should not be anywhere near the "care" industry. Disgrace to the profession I hope the manager has a bit more compassion

Put in a complaint & request a new SW, that should at least delay any moves. Tell the CH's you don't want right across town the absolute worst possible scenario so they refuse your mum, then put together your case, best interest of your mum to be near you

Suggesting you drive for 10 mins, pull over, then drive a further 10 mins will "effect your quality of life" (key phrase)

 

[Slugsta]

Sam, I am sorry that you are feeling so rough. I think a cold is about as bad as one can feel without actually being considered 'ill'! I do hope your mum lets you get some rest (((hugs)))

Margi, I'm sorry that your mum isn't too well. UTIs are a total pain for PWDs and those who care for them. It makes things so much harder if you have to fight with the GP practice for what you need. I used to be a Practice Nurse, it makes me ashamed when I hear the way some people are treated by their practices!

Thank you all for your kind words. I feel something of a fraud as I am not as devastated as you might think

Mum is 91 and her dementia has worsened considerably. The Mum I knew has already gone yet her body was strong, she could have gone on for years - doubly incontinent, severe communication problems and needing to be hoisted in and out of bed. It's not the life any of us would wish for someone they love

As long as Mum's symptoms can be controlled as her cancer worsens, that is all I ask for.

The Palliative Care nurse agreed that there is no reason why we should not go away next week - I am hanging on by my fingernails until then!

 

[Margi29]

Sam, I am sorry that you are feeling so rough. I think a cold is about as bad as one can feel without actually being considered 'ill'! I do hope your mum lets you get some rest (((hugs)))

Margi, I'm sorry that your mum isn't too well. UTIs are a total pain for PWDs and those who care for them. It makes things so much harder if you have to fight with the GP practice for what you need. I used to be a Practice Nurse, it makes me ashamed when I hear the way some people are treated by their practices!

Thank you all for your kind words. I feel something of a fraud as I am not as devastated as you might think

Mum is 91 and her dementia has worsened considerably. The Mum I knew has already gone yet her body was strong, she could have gone on for years - doubly incontinent, severe communication problems and needing to be hoisted in and out of bed. It's not the life any of us would wish for someone they love

As long as Mum's symptoms can be controlled as her cancer worsens, that is all I ask for.

The Palliative Care nurse agreed that there is no reason why we should not go away next week - I am hanging on by my fingernails until then!

I understand, dad was not the man I knew too, a sad decline for someone I loved dearly.
He very sneakily aspirated while we were all at my daughters engagement party !!
We got to be with him in the end ( mum me and sister) I wouldn't wish that on anyone,
But the moment he went, i felt relief that he was not suffering this dreadful disease anymore.

Has ' fast track ' been mentioned??

It sounds as if your mum is in the best place (hospital) for now, and will get the best possible care and pain relief asap. The staff will be used to your mum too, hopefully, and
Know and pick up any changes in her ??

So have your rest and try to enjoy your break as much as possible, a recharge of your batteries is obviously needed xx

 

[Margi29]

It just never stops . I think I've caught the last couple earlier, as she's not been "horrid", just more down. Either way, it's not nice for either of us

Hope your mum gets & responds to AB's quickly. What annoys me, us they give her the cheap rubbish, which doesn't work, then the second doesn't work, but the third does. I know it's about cost, but mum suffers for longer to save a few pennies. She's certainly paid enough into the system, why can't they just give her the string stuff & ease her pain quicker?

Maybe your mum has a UTI & is remembering an earlier memory (or false one) & thinks you've fallen out? It's so tiring.

Mums in her second lot of AB's stretched out on her bed reading, while I'm working my way through a loo roll, we've run out of tissues, so nose getting sore . Still got to sort dinner, even though my eyes are running & head full of cotton wool my interest in food is nil, but she needs to eat, so I'm going through the motions

Can I get in your case, I won't weigh much by then lol. Are you counting in months, weeks or days yet?

Yes annoying when the more expensive abs are known to work

Have you got a few boxes of the tablets you told me about for colds ???
Absolutely sorted me out

Two weeks and counting to holiday

 

[Slugsta]

Hi Margi,

I was told that Mum does not meet the criteria for fast track. Although, as we are not considering any active treatment, she doesn't really need a referral anyway.

The SW plan is still to try and get Mum out of hospital before we go away. She has been moved to another new ward, so the staff don't know her - and patients on that ward are supposed to be 'medically fit' and not need much care

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Margi,

I was told that Mum does not meet the criteria for fast track. Although, as we are not considering any active treatment, she doesn't really need a referral anyway.

The SW plan is still to try and get Mum out of hospital before we go away. She has been moved to another new ward, so the staff don't know her - and patients on that ward are supposed to be 'medically fit' and not need much care

Morning Slugsta

Thank you, I was "dying of a cold" yesterday, I've been taking supermarket cold n flu tabs (cheaper & work), so I git some sleep, but it's rearing again today . I have far too much to do & it's annoying me to feel so lousy.

I don't think there is anything fraudulent about wanting the best for someone you love. I certainly wouldn't want treatment for my mum in those circumstances & have told my youngest the same about me

I don't suppose you can tell the Housing Officer to refuse to let her "go home" as there will be no one to check on her, say you are withdrawing after your holiday? They too have a duty of care. I'm clutching at straws on your behalf as a way for you to go away with less worry

Try to get some rest

 

[Sam Luvit]

Yes annoying when the more expensive abs are known to work

Have you got a few boxes of the tablets you told me about for colds ???
Absolutely sorted me out

Two weeks and counting to holiday

Everything seems to depend on cost. But only financial & not emotional or medical. How many times do we read about this being the third lot of AB's? It can't save money if they end up paying for two lots that don't work? It makes no financial sense in the long run. Surely (from a non medical knowledge view), it just means the UTI gets worse, so then needs stronger meds

I'm taking those tabs, but not working as well as usual . I'm going to get some sift tissues today or I'll be doing a Rudolf impression

I'm excited for you, two weeks . Don't forget your sunscreen, flip flops & books!!

 

[jugglingmum]

Just diving in as you all write too much for me to read (and my bear of little brain bit kicks in with the yellow bits and I get confused)

AB prescribing protocol is to use certain 'general' ones first, as the other ones are reserved for bacteria resistant to the first ones, so that the stronger ones stay stronger and will retain their usefulness for longer, they are running out of ABs as bacteria are slowly getting resistant to them all, and by the time our children are old they won't exist, so it might be a medical reason as well.

Hope I didn't pass my cold onto you in Liverpool, although we barely saw each other, although oddly it was like meeting known friends rather than new friends, seem to have one that keeps coming back and had it for weeks, lots of people seem to have had the same.

 

[Slugsta]

Sorry that you are still feeling rough Sam

Mum will either be in hospital or a care home while we are away. Now that she needs hoisting there is no further question of her being returned to her own home.

In this instance too cost has been the driving issue. I can understand needing to find the most cost-effective way of meeting someone's needs but, to my mind, cost should not be the driving factor. The SW has over-ridden the Palliative Care Nurse's advice that Mum should go directly to a nursing home rather than having to be moved again when her needs increase.

Anyhoo, Basta! (as the Italians say it means 'enough'), I am trying to stop ruminating about this and only focus on what I need to, rather than it being in my head all the time.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Just diving in as you all write too much for me to read (and my bear of little brain bit kicks in with the yellow bits and I get confused)

AB prescribing protocol is to use certain 'general' ones first, as the other ones are reserved for bacteria resistant to the first ones, so that the stronger ones stay stronger and will retain their usefulness for longer, they are running out of ABs as bacteria are slowly getting resistant to them all, and by the time our children are old they won't exist, so it might be a medical reason as well.

Hope I didn't pass my cold onto you in Liverpool, although we barely saw each other, although oddly it was like meeting known friends rather than new friends, seem to have one that keeps coming back and had it for weeks, lots of people seem to have had the same.

Hi JM

I don't think I got the cold in Liverpool, as was fine until day before yesterday, so you are off the hook it's one of those that makes me feel like I've just run a marathon, out if energy & burning hot. I was walking round town with mum in a vest top & I think she at 82, had more get up n go that I had

It was like meeting old friends, I understand you couldn't take as much time as you'd thought, but was nice to catch up even if fleeting . Hope you are all dealing with the very sad event

I understand the general AB's first, but mum gets 2 days into course 1 & is told to stop & move to course 2, which doesn't work, so it's course 3 , by which time she's been suffering for a few weeks . It seems a waste of the first course, as she now has 6 or 7 half used packs. It's not like you can pass them on or keep for next time

 

[rosy18]

Hi Sam do hope your feeling a bit better and getting on top of your cold. THankfully I've escaped this cold that everybody I know seems to have had this winter. It's not what you need when your a carer is it.
Hoping both you and your Mum have a good a weekend as possible.Try and get rest when you're able Sam.x Do hope your Mums antibiotics do the trick.
Took urine sample from Mum into our GP today Mum was more confused than normal last night just feels like she's got yet another uti. Nightmare.

 

[MollyD]

UTI daughter #3 here, chiming in.
Mum has been put on stronger than usual antibiotics. Normally it's as your mum has been prescribed -- weaker building up based on need. A chest infection is doing the rounds in the home (mum is clear so far but vulnerable) so I wonder if the dcision was made based on that.

Anyway, CM, red wine clinks to us 3.x

 

[Margi29]

Hope you are winning with the cold Sam
It seems to be doing the rounds, just like the UTIs seem to have picked the week for it

On nights over weekend, so will pop on here when I get the chance

Hope everyone is keeping ok x

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi Sam do hope your feeling a bit better and getting on top of your cold. THankfully I've escaped this cold that everybody I know seems to have had this winter. It's not what you need when your a carer is it.
Hoping both you and your Mum have a good a weekend as possible.Try and get rest when you're able Sam.x Do hope your Mums antibiotics do the trick.
Took urine sample from Mum into our GP today Mum was more confused than normal last night just feels like she's got yet another uti. Nightmare.

Morning Rosy

The cold has been doing the rounds on the south coast, friends, neighbours, family all suffered & I'd managed to keep it at bay. I'm now getting why they all took to their beds I certainly envy that they could .

Mum is keeping a bit of distance, doubt she wants this on top if a UTI, , she's got a bit of a cough, but no sniffles. I don't think I'd cope with her being "ill" on top of everything else

We were longer in town yesterday than normal & I found myself mopping the kitchen floor due to dog accident (he is still a puppy), but that wiped me out & I crashed in the lounge afterwards. I'm not a daytime TV person, it's not even on every evening but I've slept most afternoons to rubbish as a way of being around but out the way

I got up very late today, spent the night drinking a litre of water!! Just hope the excess fluids & sleep help a bit. So much to do & no energy are not a good combo

Big brother has asked me to go see him today. this is a rarity, he comes here, but we don't visit, so I'm hoping it not a lecture (his form of suggestion) as I'm not up to that. He's told me his family will all be out, so it feels like an ambush fingers crossed I'm being paranoid

Hope your mum is feeling a bit better today & AB's arrived if needed. Isn't it awful that we hope for a UTI so it can explain confusion & agitation, when the rest of the time we desperately never want to hear about them

Did you get any further looking into anyone coming in? I know it will be hard & you will worry, but an hour on your own would make a difference to you. I at least get out the house for a couple if hours, even if I am working, it's a break from dementia

 

[Sam Luvit]

UTI daughter #3 here, chiming in.
Mum has been put on stronger than usual antibiotics. Normally it's as your mum has been prescribed -- weaker building up based on need. A chest infection is doing the rounds in the home (mum is clear so far but vulnerable) so I wonder if the dcision was made based on that.

Anyway, CM, red wine clinks to us 3.x

Morning Molly

Fingers crossed the increase in AB's keeps the chest infection away for your mum. I guess a CH is like a school, in that one gets an infection & it spreads like fire through the rest of them . They can't exactly quarantine the sick ones. I just hope everyone is doing very good barrier nursing techniques, including the visitors

I felt rough enough to be alternating CM with water last night .... has to be bad to do that

I have a new easier for mum to use loo roll holder, a couple of hooks to hang a basket & some kind of shelf for her electric toothbrush (lead in the new one is shorter??), but although that would normally take an hour tops, I know it will take a lot longer today, and I just can't get motivated

Think I'm going to soak my toe (such joys) then stare into space

I'm a chocolate tea pot today

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hope you are winning with the cold Sam
It seems to be doing the rounds, just like the UTIs seem to have picked the week for it

On nights over weekend, so will pop on here when I get the chance

Hope everyone is keeping ok x

Afternoon Margi

I'd like to say I'm kicking the cold into touch, but I'm a hopeless liar so attempting to do things in the hope of it getting bored & going away

I don't know how you juggle nights, random, that brother & still stay cheerful , must be the baby cuddles , I suppose the holiday countdown might be helping too, I'll bet you can hardly wait

Hope your shifts are easy, or as easy as possible anyway

 

[Sam Luvit]

What a Waste of Time :-(

So, mums got yet another UTI, is she on AB's 2 or 3 now?, I can't remember. Even the surgery seem confused, phone calls saying the doctor wants to speak to her later, then another call saying new meds & another saying the doctor wants to talk ... when questioned, they weren't sure if it was about the new meds, or if he didn't need to talk as new meds sent now? Seriously, P up in a brewery organisation springs to mind

Add to the mix a stinking cold, feeling like a chocolate fire guard & wanting to curl up in the dark alone, this has not been a fun few days. But, misery loves company & I've got to pull up my bootstraps & find a smile from somewhere, coz I'm not doing mum any good right now

I was feeling pretty fired up over setting a rocket up the proverbial of ASC & their "Assessment". Hmm. That came down in a pathetic pile

I got a call while in town yesterday, but couldn't really talk, so called them back when I got home, naturally, she was not at her desk, so called me later ...

Two sentences in ... "Self funding" ... I was told very gaily, I could happily go ahead & sort out whatever I wanted for mum in the way of respite (she won't go), Carers (she doesn't need personal care) etc etc etc

I tried saying I want advise, I want to know what is available, what I should be trying, but deaf ears couldn't get that . I gave in

All she could suggest was setting up a meeting for me with "Carers break" ??? Are they going to come & break me or wait till I break?

I can organise whatever I like myself, no input, no suggestions that were relevant, but she will pass on my details , bet she was real pleased with herself for crossing another vulnerable problem off her books must have made her Friday afternoon. I so hope she went out, had fun & didn't give me or mum another thought. Why are people like that working in the "care industry". Is it just a job to them?

It took the wind out my sails, I was pretty much at give up.

Today. Well you know what, if they want a fight, I'm going to get all the info I can, then I'm going to do something about this joke of a "care industry" I don't know what or how, but I'm fed up of being sidelined. Our PWD's have us. Too many others have no one.

The lack of easily obtainable info. The struggle to get anything in place. The lack of understanding is ridiculous.

Fighting spirit is making spasmodic appearances

 

[Sam Luvit]

I've just been reading another thread, seeing a word I only hear my mum say these days & it made me think

I miss my mum.

I've lost both my parents, one physically. One mentally. Neither should have happened

I don't miss the mum of my childhood, she was not what you'd call maternal, just got on with it, but I do miss the mum of my adulthood. The one I fought with to be a person, then built a good relationship with. I miss her. I see her sometimes, when I can keep life calm, entertained & moving slowly.

I've tried to bury the independent streak that runs through my very core, to not correct her (I did say try), to bring out her kinder side

The word I read was "smidgen" , another of her favourites is "a little minute", it's been a family tease, asking if that's an Irish little minute & is it less than an English little minute? I sometimes ask if she can wait a "big English minute". It's just another way of raising the humour levels

Just musing on the little things in life

 

[Margi29]

Afternoon Margi

I'd like to say I'm kicking the cold into touch, but I'm a hopeless liar so attempting to do things in the hope of it getting bored & going away

I don't know how you juggle nights, random, that brother & still stay cheerful , must be the baby cuddles , I suppose the holiday countdown might be helping too, I'll bet you can hardly wait

Hope your shifts are easy, or as easy as possible anyway

It's hard sometimes with working, mum etc... but the baby cuddles are the best bit

Had a good night last night, so all good

Am on a count down now have been sorting which clothes actually fit us both to take in case I think we put on a bit more weight since Xmas

 

[Margi29]

I've just been reading another thread, seeing a word I only hear my mum say these days & it made me think

I miss my mum.

I've lost both my parents, one physically. One mentally. Neither should have happened

I don't miss the mum of my childhood, she was not what you'd call maternal, just got on with it, but I do miss the mum of my adulthood. The one I fought with to be a person, then built a good relationship with. I miss her. I see her sometimes, when I can keep life calm, entertained & moving slowly.

I've tried to bury the independent streak that runs through my very core, to not correct her (I did say try), to bring out her kinder side

The word I read was "smidgen" , another of her favourites is "a little minute", it's been a family tease, asking if that's an Irish little minute & is it less than an English little minute? I sometimes ask if she can wait a "big English minute". It's just another way of raising the humour levels

Just musing on the little things in life

I feel sad for you that after finally getting a good relationship with your mum, Alzheimer's decided to pop in and set the bomb off

I hope the ' chat ' your brother wants is a good one and maybe more of a offer of support for you.

It's a cruel disease,slowly taking our loved ones while we plod on , trying desperately to hold on to them. Be kind to yourself Sam, you are a wonderful lady who deserves good things to come x

Right off for a bath, before I face tonight x