1. Expert Q&A: Living well as a carer - Thurs 29 August, 3-4pm

    As a carer for a person living with dementia, the needs of the person you care for will often come before your own. You may experience a range of difficult emotions and you may not have the time to do all the things you need to do. Caring can have a big impact on both your mental and physical health, as well as your overall wellbeing.

    Angelo, our Knowledge Officer (Wellbeing) is our expert on this topic. He will be here to answer your questions on Thursday 29 August between 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

  1. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Lol @Amy in the US

    The mum to be just wants baby to arrive, she’s fed up, I well remember that last week ... then my eldest was 5 days late :rolleyes: ... he hasn’t changed much :eek:, youngest was just a day late ... but then kept “backing up”

    I’m doing a course on teaching English as a second language (to foreign students). The teaching part, that’s not got me worried, so long as they want to learn (I couldn’t face a classroom of disgruntled teenagers), but I’ve not thought about sentence structure in forever :eek: As for intrinsic & extrinsic motivations for learning ... I guess I knew about them, but didn’t know there was a word to describe that. :eek:

    I’m planning on taking another course when I’ve finished this one o_O, or I was before I started this. I’m starting to think learning Spanish might be easier than learning how the English language should be spoken :D:D
     
  2. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    18,830
    Male
    North Manchester
    Easy to sort out
    [​IMG]
     
  3. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Sam, thanks for the update from Margi, please pass on my love when you are in touch with her. The decision to move her mum into residential care must have been heartbreaking but, TBH, I am only surprised that they managed to keep her at home for as long as they did - that is only due to the devoted care she was given. I hope Margi is able to enjoy being a loving daughter again, rather than hands-on carer.

    I also hope this baby makes an appearance soon, while anyone has any fingernails left! At least Mum was able to get her Christmas dinner - and it looks as if she might see in the new year sans baby too.

    We are going over to BFF's in a couple of hours time and joining the family for a fondue, then down to the cricket pitch for fireworks at midnight. I hope that 2019 brings happiness for everyone.
     
  4. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    5,032
    Female
    Chester
    Happy New year @Sam Luvit , @Margi29 and @rosy18

    I have been rather busy the last few weeks with work and family so not been on TP as much, have read this thread, just no time to post.

    I hope that once Margi's mum settles that everything is smoother for all. I'd guessed something had happened from one of Sam's posts and was hoping she wasn't in hospital. Relieved she is in a home and safe. It was a horrible feeling when I moved mum into her sheltered extra care and the care manager told me not to worry she was safe now. I didn't understand fully at the time and didn't accept that the life she had had was gone, and I couldn't bring it back, as being safe seems way below what we want from life. But sadly with dementia it becomes the most important thing. Thinking of you.
     
  5. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    I think it’s that loss of the life we want them to have that @Margi29 is struggling with, as you did. But her mum is safe now & the worry of her being bought home by the police is no longer as issue. Hopefully things will settle quickly for them both @jugglingmum
     
  6. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Yes, @Margi29 worked hard to keep her mum at home, moving her to sheltered accommodation to try keep her home longer. Unfortunately this did not extend to late evening or nights. I too hope that @Margi29 can be a daughter again

    I’ve passed on best wishes to Margi, hoping the good wishes will bring her some comfort at this difficult time for her @Slugsta

    Baby is not showing any signs of appearing. I’ve been cleaning, tidying, washing & generaly trying to keep busy. I do hope she appears soon
     
  7. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Today has been awful. I climbed into bed last night and felt incredibly sad, I cried & slept.

    I woke this morning & the tears were falling again. I’ve cried on & off all day. I feel so sad. New Years Eve has always been party time, the last 3 years I’ve put the TV on a music channel & mum & I danced, talked, laughed & reminised about the places we’ve celebrated, the people we were with & the things we’ve done. Everything from silver service dinner & long dresses, to party dresses & dancing on the beach with so much in between

    This time last year, mum & I danced to the sounds of Big Ben chiming in the lounge & it was so sweet.

    This year I’ve sat in my PJ’s & raised a glass to mum, no interest in partying, no interest in the many posts in social media

    I can’t get over how sad I feel

    Sorry to be such a grump ..... I do hope everyone is having the best time possible, although I know for many it’s just a noisy night to get through
     
  8. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    First times without our loved one is hard and still very recent for you Sam I hope you are managing some sleep and the tears are subsiding. I still find these times without mum dad and brother difficult as memories flood into my head at silly o'clock.
     
  9. rosy18

    rosy18 Registered User

    Jul 23, 2016
    1,279
    Female
    Blackpool
    Awe Sam hoping you've managed some sleep and the tears have subsided. I must admit as I've laid in bed next to Mum and looked at her over the "festive" period I've shed a few tears, thinking how we once laughed and shared this time together but now Mum having no recognition of what's going on the fact that it's been Chritmas and now New Year but I'm blessed to still have her.
    I suspect your Mum might be dancing with your Dad seeing in the New Year and 2019 is going to be special for you with new grandchild soon to make an appearance. I'll raise a glass to you and your Mum today .Happy New Year Sam.xx(((hugs)))

    Margi you know I'm thinking of you. Your still looking after your Mum just in a different way and most importantly You're keeping her safe.xx(((hugs)))

    Slugsta, Jugglingmum, Amy in the USA, love.dad.but..and everyone else who joins Sam on her thread I wish you all a very Happy,Healtthy and Peaceful New Year xx
     
  10. Amethyst59

    Amethyst59 Registered User

    Jul 3, 2017
    5,738
    Female
    Kent
    Sam, I’m so sorry you are feeling down. Grieving is so hard and there are no short cuts, but I’m with @rosy18 , nice to think of your mum and dad dancing! The pain will lessen as time goes on. Please accept my wishes for a peaceful New Year x x x
     
  11. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Oh, Sam, I am sorry you are feeling so low but do understand. Please be kind to yourself.

    @Amethyst59 , I'm delighted to see you!

    Margi, the move into care is never easy. I can only hope for kind and understanding staff for your dear mum and you. Please know we are here and send ((((((hugs)))))) and have more where those came from.

    Wishing you all the happiest and healthiest possible 2019! I may have had just one wee cocktail too many, whee!
     
  12. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Morning @love.dad.but..

    Yesterday was the first time I’ve felt so bad, it was like I was surrounded by sadness. Today I just have a massive headache & sore eyes from all the crying. It’s the first time I’ve really cried, I guess there was no one around that I needed to be brave for :oops: On the plus side I slept all night :D
     
  13. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Hi @Amethyst59

    Grief is strange. I was starting to think I was just unfeeling, as, apart from the day mum died & the funeral, I’ve not shed a tear, not felt anything realy. I sure made up for that yesterday

    Yes, I’m sure mum & dad rocked around the clock last night :D They danced so well together, cleared the dance floor more than once :)

    Fingers crossed you are getting some sleep & your health improves

    I hope 2019 is a better year for us all :oops:
     
  14. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Happy New Year @Amy in the US ... how’s your head this bright morning :D Sometimes last minute plans are the best :p

    I drank an entire bottle of bubbly on my own. J was going to join me, but was unwell .... I couldn’t really cork it ... could I :D:D At least I slept :rolleyes:
     
  15. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Morning @rosy18

    Wishing you the best possible 2019 :) I hope to get the house sold & come visit you this year. At least I know Pooch is good with you & your mum & where the fish & chip shop is :eek:

    I drank the bubbly & slept right through the night :rolleyes: I’m still a bit sad, but the overwhelming feeling is not pressing in on me ;) Tears have mostly gone

    Your mum is well loved & knows she is safe. You’ve done & are doing an amazing job of caring for her. She may not know what time if Year it is, but she knows you, by whatever name she gives you today. :)

    I’ve been remembering other years, with dad finally giving in & taking mums hand onto the dance floor. He had dancing lessons as he knew she loved to dance, but he didn’t. They sure could jive :D Everyone was enthralled watching them, they were so in tune & effortless, so yes, I’m sure they did dance in the New Year

    Madam grandchild wants to get a hurry on :rolleyes: We are all getting very impatient with her now. :p Youngest said “I just want to meet my little girl” :)
     
  16. Toony Oony

    Toony Oony Registered User

    Jun 21, 2016
    455
    Hi @Sam Luvit

    Be gentle with yourself - love that new little one to pieces, and hope that 2019 brings you much happiness.

    XX
     
  17. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Afternoon all,

    Sam, I'm sorry, but not surprised, you were so sad last night. I think there is even more grief when you have lived with your lost loved one as everything you do reminds of their loss. I know the fact that Mum never saw this flat, whilst poignant in its own way, makes the loss easier (((hugs)))

    We went to BFF's last night, there were 8 of us enjoying a cheese fondue, then we had a 'beetle drive' :) My Godson then treated us to a 45 minute-long firework display. Goodness knows how much that must have cost him, even half price after November 5th!! As his mum says, he is working, has few expenses and this is something he enjoys doing so I tried not to think about the cost as I enjoyed the display.

    We put the light out around 2am so have slept for much of the morning!
     
  18. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,624
    USA
    Sam, I am okay this morning. Hope you are as well (well, I know it's afternoon for you now).

    I seriously doubt you are an unfeeling person. More likely, you are still exhausted from caring. Grief is a funny thing and does sneak up on us, either when we aren't expecting it, or in a way we aren't expecting. Often both!

    (((((((hugs)))))))
     
  19. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Hi @Toony Oony

    I’m more tired than I thought possible after all this time. I slept well last night, but I’ve struggled to stay awake at times today. Im looking forward to meeting the little princess, selling up & moving on. That will make 2019 better than 2018.

    So much to do & so little energy :rolleyes:
     
  20. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    5,472
    East Sussex
    Evening @Slugsta

    Yes, everything is a reminder. I didn’t go into town for a few weeks as every shop held memories. I also walked Pooch in different directions, at different times, to avoid meeting up with people

    New Years Eve has been a big party event in the family as far back as I can remember. There was just no escaping it.

    Wow. 45 minutes of fireworks. A neighbour set off a few, lasted less than 5 minutes ... so quick I nearly missed it. Your display must have been quiet something to see.
     

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