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Can I ... Should I?

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
East Sussex

I think I’m awake. No, I’m not really, but I have poured my second coffee & the sitter has left, so waking up is needed. I’m not waking brother, Mum is sleeping & I will attempt a power nap later on

Blue skies & bright sunlight ... with the moon on show too. Who knows, I might get my own washing done today .. it’s either that or I’ll need to buy something to wear tomorrow

I believe that out there in the alternate universe there are people waking up, punching the air & grinning at the thought that the “weekend” is almost here. I’m not sure I even remember the feeling

(Oh for heavens sake .... what’s up with the emoticons today ????? How does anyone know if I’m laughing or growling) :) or :-(

Couldn’t post .... copy & pasted into “notes” for a try later

Carers & DN arrived together hey ho. I’m off to buy a new bowl (it got broken & the Carer didn’t notice hmmm). Bought 2, so I’ve a spare. Forward thinking or something.

Went into see Mum, she was agitated, so I stroked her hair, told her I loved her, kissed her cheek & said I’d be back soon ...

DN’s finished up & as they were leaving, they asked if Mum had a particular faith & it might be time to arrange a visit, another gut punch.

First Carer legged it out the door so fast she barely said goodbye. Other Carer came out & asked to speak to me. She told me the first Carer had dropped the bag with the syringe driver in it & the box was open. Battery was still flashing, but to be safe I called the DN’s back to check it out. Seems the box was well broken, unable to lock properly. She will order a new one.

I phoned & arranged for the priest to visit after he’s said Mass

I’ve walked in & out checking on Mum while eating breakfast, washing (or I’ll be shopping wearing a bikini lol) & general mundane things

I got a feeling & went back in.

Mum passed away at 11.50 this morning

Brother will stay with me as we sort through things, returning equipment, drugs, etc. So many calls to make. So many hearts to break.

It’s been a rollercoaster 3 years & 3 days

All I wanted was to be able to look in the mirror & not flinch. I’ve achieved that. It’s good enough for me


Registered User
Jan 16, 2014
Oh Sam...am so sorry...it is a relief for your mum that she is not in pain anymore and released from her dementia torment but it is with no doubt very mixed emotions for you and your brother. You have been amazing and don't ever doubt that..you certainly can look in your mirror, mine and everyone else's here on TP. Huge hugs and wishing you continued strength for the days ahead.x


Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
South coast
Im so sorry Sam ((((((hugs))))))))))))
You have done everything that a daughter could possibly do and fought to make sure she got the care she needed.

Its all going to seem unreal now for a while. Be gentle with yourself


Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
Oh Sam - no matter how much it is expected it's so hard when the time comes.

You have been there for your mum every minute of the way. As someone else has already said it will seem surreal for a while.

I'm glad your mum has found peace and I wish you and your family strength for the days and weeks to come.


Registered User
Jul 28, 2017
Dear Sam

You did an amazing job...a tough three years for sure.

It’s the end of a long road and your Mum was royally looked after until the end.

You can hold your head up high, you can feel no guilt...you did everything a daughter could do and more.

Massive hugs and with much love

Sarah xx