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Can I ... Should I?

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
Evening @Toony Oony :)

I’m definately on a high :cool: I’ve kicked butt & I’m still standing. Brother & I have gotten closer, I think he is the amazing one here. I can think of a few (@Margi29 :D), whose brothers are running for the hills at dealing with their mothers nakedness :p

You have to be catheterised post op for a knee replacement??? I’m so not having mine done. Bleep that. It’s ok for Mum .... lol ... one rule for everyone else. :D

I don’t think I’m doing anything that special. I just couldn’t keep working full time, in a very stressful job, with loads of responsibilities & drive 160 miles every weekend .. it was literally killing me. I knew I was heading for a crash. Sooner or later I was going to fall asleep at the wheel. I looked at my options & this was the one I could live with :rolleyes: No I did not think it wouId be this hard

I’m well chuffed (boy that’s an old fashioned expression), but I am, well chuffed that I’ve coped with puke without retching myself. That is amazing. :D

Everyone who I’ve read about here, has found this site because they care. Each & every person is amazing. I’ve learnt from you all. Seeing @rosy18 with her mum made me a better Carer. Reading made me fight & gave me the knowledge to do it.

If one good thing has come out of this, it’s the “hug bank”. I’m going to have to look into it as a reality one day, you all made it into a reality in my darkest scariest times. I dip into it when I feel low. I wallow in it when I’m screaming. You’ve held me up & I can’t put into words how much you have helped

Thank you for the hugs, Pooch is grateful too :D
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
Evening @Slugsta :)

I’m nothing special .... in fact I’m a bit of a bore ... I feel a song coming on :D Run. I so can’t sing :D

I'm feeling soooooo much better. What you mean “only” hugs. What do you think has gotten me through this? Hugs. You. Everyone. Seeing familiar names. Seeing new names. No judgement. Suggestions of how to cope. It’s all pulled me out the other side.

If I can, I’ll “upgrade” Poppet ... I don’t think I can face “Poppet for Mum” IYKWIM, but I’m coming to find your driveway, road or whatever, you have been warned :p
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
Hi @CeliaW

Right now. This feels right. I’m going with that feeling. Thank you for understanding. I am trying to eat & sleep, honest. :rolleyes:

Someone suggested I reduce mums call times today ... as she’s now more settled :eek: No she probably doesn’t need the lunchtime call, but I do. So it’s staying. Mum has worked ‘officially” since she was 16, till her 70’s. She’s been self funding as they saved, this is her first “free” help & she’s having everything they will give her. I’m taking every tiny bit of help offered

Thank you for the hugs, always welcome. :) As an aside, I now know how to spell feisty :D (English is not my first language ... only learnt at 6!! .. my parents were busy working & didn’t realise till my very proper Grandmother met me & told them I didn’t appear to speak English). I do struggle with spelling lol. (Fat fingers on a screen keyboard not withstanding)

You take care too :)
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
Hi @Rolypoly

Don’t worry, “that” Carer ain’t coming in the door again. I’ve read the riot act to everyone since. I’ve told them all, I’ll be booting them out the door, baseball bat in hand if they mess with the minimal sips of water. I’ll bet they are trying to work out who it was. I’m not naming & shaming. I’m just telling them not to do it :D

Catheter seems to be working well. No more struggling & pain getting up for the commode. It’s made such a difference to all of us :rolleyes: Well done Mum on deciding to “go” while the DN’s were here :D

Hugs appreciated as always. Thank you. I had depleted the mountain :rolleyes:
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
Hi @canary

From what was said earlier in the week, or maybe even last week, no I don’t believe Mum can be moved safely. Maybe now she’s catheterised, but it was the fractures. They said yesterday, as she deteriorates, the fractures are pulling apart & that’s why they can’t get on top of her pain

Her morphine wouId send you or I into orbit, her GP has prescribed up to double today. I’m trying very hard not to think about that

I’m following my gut, it’s all I can do. I flatly refuse a repeat of yesterday. Hugs appreciated as ever :)
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
Thank you @Izzy .. it’s hard to explain just what a relief it has been to finally see Mum sleeping peacefully & the stress of getting her up no longer being needed. I knew it hurt her getting up, I was getting her up, so I was hurting her. It was awful. It’s just a relief. Not just for me, but a lot if it is relief for me

Does getting the jet washed out & blasting the dirt off the path count? I did that today & it felt good. :D The power nap upstairs in my bed felt pretty amazing too :rolleyes:
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
[

Hi @Winky1973

Thank you. Thank you for joining in, for saying anything, for being you. Yes, I know what you mean. I feel like I know people I’ve never met, just from reading. I’ve also met a few who I wouId class as fantastic friends.

When I found this site I read at every opportunity & I absorbed it like a sponge. Mums the nurse. I knew nothing. I needed to learn everything I could. Then I got to my own explosion point & I needed to let it out & the thread was born lol

I think Mum would be (I’m trying to find the right word) possibly comforted, to know her children, particularly her son, care enough to care for her. I believe she struggled with being a mother. Yet here we are. I’m not sure if that says something about her, or something about us

If I can’t cope & if Mum can safely be moved, she will go to a hospice. I won’t (I hope) think of that as failing. I hope I will see it as her best option. I’ve no doubt that I too wouId feel guilt. But, the GM has no place there. We do our best. No one can ask more than that of anyone.

Yes. The human body is amazing in what it can survive. I think it’s the fighting spirit of the person. Some cave & sit around while others carry on like nothing is wrong, same disease, different mindset. Mum fell off a ladder 30 years ago & fractured her foot ... she drove with the aid of a crutch (not in England). She just wouldn't give in. I think her fighting feisty spirit is in play again

I’m honestly touched that you wouId think of me, a stranger, and care so much

Thank you.

(I’m smiling)
 
Last edited:

imsoblue

Registered User
Feb 19, 2018
354
If your mum becomes uncomfortable, first thing to check is that there is not a kink in the catheter. I speak from personal experience. I had a catheter after a surgery and was so distraught as I needed to go to the bathroom!!! The nurse wouldn't hear of it since I had a catheter. I was squirming and miserable. I felt the tears coming out of my eyes were coming from my bladder. Finally a nurse came to see (probably more to fuss at me) and said "Whoops, there's a kink." I still remember the relief when the tubing got straightened out.
Just trying to cover all bases. I hope you mum will be comfortable now, and never have that pain. ChaChing...hug deposit.
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
Morning @Amy in the US & what a beautiful morning it is, lots of blue sky & clearly visible fiery ball in the sky

Thank you for the hugs, I’ll just take one to ease my back & deposit the others (;)) in the bank

Mums had an ok night, she’s been groaning a bit, but is settled right now :)
 

Sam Luvit

Registered User
Oct 19, 2016
5,929
East Sussex
Thank you for the hugs @canary always welcome ;) Apparently I had over 6 hours sleep yesterday :eek: Brother has just gone up to sleep, he had his in bits yesterday :confused: Thankfully, we have a sitter tonight :D
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,342
Merseyside
Thank you @Cat27 I’m having coffee while I wake up & Mum sleeps on. There was a time I thought I’d never say that again. It’s such a relief to know she’s sleeping, if not pain free, at least free enough to sleep
We found with Dad that the catheter helped so much with the discomfort & pain. Enjoy your coffee.
 

Amethyst59

Registered User
Jul 3, 2017
5,749
Kent
Thank you @Amethyst59 ... the fairy dust worked like a dream. I slept so well last night. It’s very powerful stuff. I will try to use less tonight :rolleyes:

I know you have my best interests at heart & I'm grateful. The acceptance that I have to follow my gut, even if it seems nuts, is appreciated. One of the many medics in the last week said they didn’t know if Mum wouId make the journey. (He wanted to get her into hospital). With that comment, I just couldn’t take the risk of her passing en route, so to speak. I don’t think I could look myself in the mirror if that happened.

Mum seems more settled now, less agitated, so, for now, I’m ok with carrying on. I have always said to Mum, I will keep her at home, as long as I can keep her safe. I’ve never promised it will be to the end. I can’t promise unless I believe I can deliver.

How is the playing going? Have I missed another exam? Did you get to ?Italy? I think that’s where you said
Not had a chance to play for quite a while, there have been fun and games (?!) here...next exam is not for a while and Italy is in .september. All good here now x