Can I ... Should I?

[Slugsta]

Morning all,

Sam, I am so glad that you didn't cancel the sitter and that you actually got some sleep! I really hope this is a regular thing, it will do you the world of good to know there is at least one night a week that you can be 'off duty'.

I'm also glad that your mum is happy with the bed, that makes thing easier all round.

@bluejcas, hi and welcome. Sam is right, reading about someone who is a long way down the dementia path might not be the best introduction to the forum! Everyone is very friendly and I am sure you will find help and support here.

(((hugs))) to all.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Amethyst59

I just checked, I didn’t sleep any longer, but was only awake 4 times, so it was more restful. I did go back to bed after the sitter left & dozed for an hour or so. I feel better for it & first lot of washing is almost dry. Result.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Gratefully accepted @reedysue

 

[Sam Luvit]

PMorning @Margi29

The night sitter was lovely. I talked her ears off, poor love, then crashed out She said she will tell the office I’d like her to come again

I’ve put big cushions round the bed against the wall & used fleecy throws rather than a blanket, so it looks more sofa than bed. That’s what sold it to Mum. She also said it’s very comfortable. Now I just need to get her to try sleeping in it

How’s your mum doing? Is she sleeping any better?

 

[Sam Luvit]

You are right @love.dad.but.. I had to just go with it & figure out as I went along. As it was, she accepted it was to help me & went with it. Big girl pants not needed

Mum has managed a few sips of milk & her meds. Says her pain levels are “up there”, so she’s asleep in the kitchen & I'm being very quiet.

This mornings Carer is really nice, but far too energetic & loud for Mum now, I’ve already asked for her not to come again, but ..... I guess I’m going to have to tell them again

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Slugsta

I don’t think the sitter will be regular, she’s their only one & it’s based on need. However, just that one night was a blessing I wasn’t expecting & very welcome

I’m grabbing all the hugs

 

[Jools62]

Your obviously a good daughter @Jools62 , trying your best through this awful journey.
Best wishes

Thank you. I try to do my best. Mum changes everyday and you never know what your going to get. I wish my brother would join this forum he might learn something. Xxx

 

[Jools62]

I hear you @Jools62 ((hugs))

 

[Jools62]

Hi @Jools62

We bury the painful memories, find ways to deal with emotional abuse & often few people realise the pain we go through. My brother was the golden boy, he could turn up once a month with a cheap bunch of flowers & be praised for hours, while I wouId mow the lawn, trim off trees, build a shed (!!) & I’d get a thank you, followed by criticism for all the things I’d not done, especially my weight

Working 60-80 hours a week, I barely had time to think, let alone figure out how to sort out the mess of an emotionally abusive marriage, so I wouId have to say, congratulate yourself on getting the courage to walk away. It’s the hardest thing to do. I hope that one day your son opens his eyes & sees the person you are, not the person his dad tells him you are. It’s all you can hope for. I have seen it happen with a few friends, so there is hope

It’s hard to be told you are wrong all the time, but try to think of all the good things you have done. You know who you are, you know you are not a bully. You know you have been the bigger person, by dealing with her finances, doctors, care, all while not in the best ipof health yourself & you are doing it from a distance. It’s hard. I’ve done distance caring & it’s not easy. It’s good that your daughter is helping you both physically & mentally (coz talking & listening is priceless). The fact that she is supporting you in supporting your mum proves you are a god Mum

It’s often the case that one child does next to nothing, but gets all the glory. It’s not fair, but it’s how it goes. Try to see that it’s not you, it’s your Mum who enables your brother to do nothing, but still be the golden child. I’m lucky that my brother has accepted that he did very little but got all the praise. You are not going to convince your brother to do his bit, you need to let go of the unfairness & try to accept it. It’s the only way to keep your sanity

Please don’t apologise. Everyone has a story. Everyone has a reason for their struggle. I’ve sat on the floor crying, before confronting my demons. Reading other stories & struggles makes me examine my life & why I feel resentful, angry, useless. So, talking helps you get it off your chest & helps people like me reassess what I’m doing

Join in any time, we’re a friendly bunch here. I’m not always doom & gloom, I’m just going through a tough week, on very little sleep

Hi
Big hugs for you, it’s good to have somewhere to come and talk and with people who understand you xx I will definitely be asking questions as life goes on

 

[Margi29]

PMorning @Margi29

The night sitter was lovely. I talked her ears off, poor love, then crashed out She said she will tell the office I’d like her to come again

I’ve put big cushions round the bed against the wall & used fleecy throws rather than a blanket, so it looks more sofa than bed. That’s what sold it to Mum. She also said it’s very comfortable. Now I just need to get her to try sleeping in it

How’s your mum doing? Is she sleeping any better?

It's such a good feeling when you know you have someone who's lovely caring for your mum, we have sitter service three times a week, overnight. It gives us a break and then the other nights are shared between th three of us. I'm hoping you can get this regular x

Brother had mums shananagans again last night

He's texting me, I'm working, not a lot I could do

Mum decided at 00.10 to have a shower, not a problem, but brother had given sleeping tablets, why he let her no idea??? I think he was frightened of seeing her in her birthday suit If he went in bathroom.

She was then dressed, in her nighty and trousers !! Ready for the off
In and out of flat multiple times, trying to make herself a bed on couch, coming out with confabulations galore.

He eventually managed to persuade her to go to bed, he said she was walking around with her eyes shut.

Blinking dementia !!!

 

[Margi29]

Thank you. I try to do my best. Mum changes everyday and you never know what your going to get. I wish my brother would join this forum he might learn something. Xxx

I definitely don't want my brother discovering this forum, the amount of times I've screamed on here about the awful things he's done at the moment he's a means to an end, he comes over 6 nights a month to stay with mum, the other option would be mum in a care home, at the moment we feel she's not ready for this.

One day she will probably have to go into care.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Thank you @Jools62 I’ll take all the hugs I can get

I wouldn't survive without this place, I can be honest about my mixed feelings, I can tell stories about mums mix ups without anyone star8ng as their jaw hits the floor. We need to be to let it out & let it out I do

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Margi29

Just being offered one night sitting was a pleasant surprise. I won’t turn down any future ones, but I doubt it wouId be regular. They just have one person & she is shared around

Why, oh why, does your brother not just deal with his mums shenanigans instead of texting you?

If my mum went into the bathroom after midnight carrying her bath towel, I’d be asking her why, or maybe your mum keeps hers in the bathroom (ours is tiny). He has got a brain in there somewhere, hasn’t he @Margi29, or is that just a rumour

Maybe it’s time for him to settle on the couch & keep a closer eye on her. Try asking ASC for a bed alarm, it goes off as soon as they lift their butt off the mattress. That’d get him moving ... it makes me leap about 10 feet in the air

Blooming dementia. It’s got a lot to answer for

 

[Jools62]

It's such a good feeling when you know you have someone who's lovely caring for your mum, we have sitter service three times a week, overnight. It gives us a break and then the other nights are shared between th three of us. I'm hoping you can get this regular x

Brother had mums shananagans again last night

He's texting me, I'm working, not a lot I could do

Mum decided at 00.10 to have a shower, not a problem, but brother had given sleeping tablets, why he let her no idea??? I think he was frightened of seeing her in her birthday suit If he went in bathroom.

She was then dressed, in her nighty and trousers !! Ready for the off
In and out of flat multiple times, trying to make herself a bed on couch, coming out with confabulations galore.

He eventually managed to persuade her to go to bed, he said she was walking around with her eyes shut.

Blinking dementia !!![/QUOTE

Hi @Margi29

My mum can’t shower as she has ulcers on her legs, but she strip washes and then floods the bathroom. The carer came in one morning and found her wandering round the house naked, the taps running and flooded bathroom again. We are running out of replacement tiles. My brother just seems to skip over this, Ive had it when I’ve stayed there, bathroom was flooded this time because she put an incontinent pad down the toilet, oh joy poop everywhere. She was standing at the kitchen door which is next to bathroom trying to find keys on the hook behind the door, she was naked soaking wet, she had put sanitary towels on her feet and plastic bags. Her leg bandage was soaking. She reminded me of a baby bird with no feathers. So I just got towels wrapped her up dried her off dressed her in nightie and dressing gown gave her a hot cup of tea and a water bottle and she was asleep in minutes, Me I had a bathroom to clean again.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Oh dear, that’s a night I don’t want to repeat any time soon

It was another glorious day, I was up early after the sitter being here, so first set of washing on the line by 07.00 Got Mum out in the garden & she slept most of the day. She ate a tiny bit of chicken mid afternoon & drank very little.

She’s so weak now, I had to try getting her to sleep downstairs. So, I suggested we watch TV & she tried out the new bed to see what it was like as a seat. Thankfully she agreed. Naturally, she fell asleep within minutes

I sat by her around 22.30 & she was doing her “non breathing” thing. Only this time, she was stopping for between 10 & 30 seconds with only 4 to 6 gasping breaths between. After 40 minutes of this, I gently put her hand down & called the Hospice. Unbelievabley, they were very busy & wouldn’t be able to come out for “several hours”.

I phoned a friend (thank you) & then called big brother. It went to Ansaphone 3 times, so I left a message. He called back within 10 minutes & was here 30 minutes later.

Mum settled with brother & he sent me to bed, it was around 01.30 & I was so tired from crying so much. I got up at 06.15 & went downstairs. Brother said she’d done the non breathing till 05.30,then settled again. He took the couch & I took mums hand

She woke a few times, muttering random stuff. At one time she said it felt like she’d had a hysterectomy, I phoned the Hospice & they said to give her oramorph

At one stage, while sleeping, she said in a very threatening strong voice “I wouldn't do that if I were you”. No idea where that came from, but she carried on sleeping & I kept hold of her hand

The Hospice turned up around 07.30 & checked her over. She’s complaining of nausea, so they gave her an injection out of the JIC Box.

Lovely Carer arrived. She was upset at mums deterioration, she was only here yesterday. We improvised & managed a strip wash & change of clothes.

I took Pooch out for a walk, tripped over my own feet & went flying. Right in the middle of the road I have lovely road rash on my knee and palms.

DN turned up later & were going to give her something for the nausea, but then Mum refused, so we tried the meds, as she agreed to a piece of toast. She ate half of it, but as soon as they left, she put the plate down, not wanting any more

DN phoned & want to ask her GP to attend to see what changes to her meds can be made to ease the nausea. I told them if it was the one that came last week, I wouId not be letting him in. I told them what had happened. They were appalled & apologised for him

The priest is busy today, but gave me the number for another Irish priest, who is coming over shortly. This is a very busy house today & I'm desperate for some peace

.....

The priest has been, Mum is calmer & sleeping again. I’m going to stretch out & get some rest while she sleeps & hope no one calls round for a few hours.

I suspect tonight could be another long one

 

[Lorna44]

Oh Sam, sending you so much love & hugs. X

 

[canary]

oh ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) Sam
Im holding your virtual hand

 

[2jays]

Squishy hugs

Keeping you in my thoughts xxx

 

[Amy in the US]

Oh, Sam.

Many squishy ((((((((((hugs)))))))))) for you.

 

[Earthgirl72]

Huge (((((hugs))))
We are all here for you xx