Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @love.dad.but..

I knew ibuprofen couldn’t be taken long term, but thought it was gastric issues. Mums not to take it for long as she has an issue & it’ll likely make it worse. Honestly, you taken one medication & it causes another problem

Head shingles sounds nasty. Hope you’ve no lasting effects

 

[Sam Luvit]

Good morning Ermintrude

Thinking of you xxx

Moooooo

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @rainbowcat

Yes, I’ve been trying the positives. Telling her she will have a fringe row seat to see who is running on the path & she can see which brats are teasing Pooch. (Some of the kids think it’s funny to stop outside & jump about, pulling faces & pretending to attack).

Decorating to loo is a good idea. I’ll look at that one. I’ve done reverse physiological on her. Offered the commode is coming, with the downstairs loo as the alternative. Funnily enough, she suddenly liked the loo idea

 

[Sam Luvit]

(((((((((hugs)))))))))) Sam

Thank you. Gratefully taken

 

[love.dad.but..]

Tears are fine Sam...I blubbed in all sorts of places ...to complete strangers who were kind...the bank manager...a random lady on a train to name a couple! I would try and hold it in as I talked but...blast..here I go! Sometimes in dad's NH I would try to hide my tears from dad at some decline or hopelessness that had happened...in a brief monent of clarity he would see my eyes filled with tears he couldn't verbalise but his concerned look took me right back to being a little girl consoled by big strong gentle daddy! The number of times I had to say to him...blast this hayfever affecting my eyes!

Crying is a release from everything..it can't change anything of course ...but best I found to let it out now and again.

As you are doing .... reassuring your mum that any changes you are having to make are for her comfort. Sometimes we just have to stick with our instinct of knowing what is best for our pwd even going against their wishes..or dislikes.

Hope the sitter arrangement works well and you sleep well

 

[Sam Luvit]

Yesterday was “good” in that both brother & eldest visited, but “bad” in that they both created so much work. I’ve not cleared the massive washing up they created.

We got Mum in the garden, she was never alone, but she slept most of the time. It took a few hours before she rolled up her thick joggers & removed her scarf, but I think she enjoyed it

Brother is struggling with Mum not eating & has been trying to encourage her. At one stage mid afternoon, Mum asked if she’d had breakfast. “No Mum, you said you didn’t want any”. Everyone else was a little hungry, so I threw some chicken thighs in the oven

I gave Mum about 1/6 of one piece. First brother was obviously not happy at how little I gave her, but I ignored him. Mum ate one tiny piece & put her plate down. Now he knows I’m not stopping her eating. She is not eating because she doesn’t want it. That seems to have hit him harder than anything. He hugged me hard before leaving

We sat for a while, Mum with her milk in a toddler sipper cup & little bowl of pills, me with a Lambs & coke She was trying not to cry while I was just holding her hand. She says she needs to try to get better. She’s going to give it everything tomorrow. What do you say to that. I don’t want her to give up, but I don’t want her exhausting herself either. I just said I want her to not be in pain, to be as comfortable as possible

I went to the loo & sobbed.

We watched TV for an hour. Well, I watched & she slept. It was such a struggle getting up the stairs, I think she’d have used the bed if it had been here.

I sat with her for a bit, trying not to cry as she mumbled about being sorry & being a nuisance. The Captain was my friend once she was sleeping

 

[love.dad.but..]

Yesterday was “good” in that both brother & eldest visited, but “bad” in that they both created so much work. I’ve not cleared the massive washing up they created.
---------------------------------
Much as you appreciate and need their visits they should be washing up and clearing up after themselves.
---------------------------
We got Mum in the garden, she was never alone, but she slept most of the time. It took a few hours before she rolled up her thick joggers & removed her scarf, but I think she enjoyed it

Brother is struggling with Mum not eating & has been trying to encourage her. At one stage mid afternoon, Mum asked if she’d had breakfast. “No Mum, you said you didn’t want any”. Everyone else was a little hungry, so I threw some chicken thighs in the oven

I gave Mum about 1/6 of one piece. First brother was obviously not happy at how little I gave her, but I ignored him. Mum ate one tiny piece & put her plate down. Now he knows I’m not stopping her eating. She is not eating because she doesn’t want it. That seems to have hit him harder than anything. He hugged me hard before leaving

We sat for a while, Mum with her milk in a toddler sipper cup & little bowl of pills, me with a Lambs & coke She was trying not to cry while I was just holding her hand. She says she needs to try to get better. She’s going to give it everything tomorrow. What do you say to that. I don’t want her to give up, but I don’t want her exhausting herself either. I just said I want her to not be in pain, to be as comfortable as possible
-------------------------------
As she has capacity to make the statement I would encourage her with the thought she may feel better tomorrow everyone needs to feel hopeful. I was not brought up to tell love lies or skirt around dad's direct repetitive questions but I weighed up despite me feeling uncomfortable what was kinder for dad to hear and often it wasn't the harsh blunt reality of his progressive decline. I knew when my caring role was over I would look back and know that I had been kind to dad in taking that strategy before he advanced to the stage when that awareness lessened.
------------------------
I went to the loo & sobbed.

We watched TV for an hour. Well, I watched & she slept. It was such a struggle getting up the stairs, I think she’d have used the bed if it had been here.

I sat with her for a bit, trying not to cry as she mumbled about being sorry & being a nuisance. The Captain was my friend once she was sleeping

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @love.dad.but..

Most of the time I don’t even feel sad .... helpless, cruel, useless yes, but little else. I just keep on plodding forward, keeping busy, getting the next thing sorted. As this has gone on, I find I’m struggling to hold back & then it passes, or like last night, have to go hide in the loo.

Mum is really stressing over the bed. She seems to think it will take over the entire lounge, leaving no room for anything else. She hates the idea if it. It scares her. She’s told the Carer she is scared of where she goes, if there is anything after life. She won’t talk to me about it. I’ve messaged the priest & asked him to visit.

I’m thinking of postponing the sitter, maybe the bed coming & a sitter in the same day will be too much for her. I don’t want to scare her even more. I’ll mull that over a bit more, but it hasn’t felt right since yesterday. I may well need the sleep, but she needs to feel ok too. It’s a tough one.

 

[Prudence9]

Go with your instincts about the sitter Sam.
And (((hugs))) xxx

 

[Slugsta]

Evening all,

Sam, there's nothing wrong with crying sometimes. as l.d.b says, it comes as a release, as if a dam has burst and the pent-up tears rush out.

I also agree with l.d.b about the washing up. Your brother and sons are big boys now and they should be clearing up after themselves, not making your life more difficult

As to the bed, I think the only thing that will help is getting it in situ and your mum seeing that it really doesn't fill the whole room. She clearly cannot visualise it and I don't think anything you say will help until it is actually there.

As to the sitter - I think I would say to go for it so that all the changes are over and done with quickly. But you know your mum best and whatever you decide will be OK ((hugs)))

 

[Sam Luvit]

Lol @Prudence9 in the end it was inaction that decided it for me. I told Mum & she just said “ok”. Boy is she tired tonight. Ate a tiny bit of chicken tikka & was drooping by 21.50. The days of trying t9 get her to go to bed are long gone.

The sitter is lovely. Can’t remember her name, but that’s ok. Pooch likes her too. I dint know if this is a one off, but I’m going to bed soon & making the most of it.

Still no word from the priest, I hope h pe rings in the morning, I feel Mum needs to see him. She is looking very scared & she sleeps so much. When she wakes, she looks terrified, looks everywhere, registers me & settles.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Evening @Slugsta

The bed arrived, I’ve dressed it up with cushions & Mum is quiet pleased with it. She agreed it doesn’t look like a hospital bed, she thinks I’m clever I’ve also hidden the commode

I figured I’d left cancelling the sitter too long & just went with it. Mums accepted it’s so I can sleep & has gone to bed just fine.

I’m going to have to take a step back & tell brother & eldest that they need to do their own washing up & they can do mine & mums while they are at it. It wasn’t until they had left & I walked into the kitchen that I realised what a mug I’d been. This worm needs to turn

Right. I’m off for 6 hours uninterrupted sleep Night all

 

[rosy18]

Oh Sam I'm so pleased the bed and the sitter all went well. I couldn't stop thinking about you both last night. I hope you managed that uninterrupted sleep...bliss...((((((hugs))))) for you both and ((a hug)) for pooch Where did he sleep last night?

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @rosy18

Thank you, it was such a relief as Mum accepted everything without the expected drama. Apparently she only got up once in the night, so she too had a better night

I did wake several times, that panic of missing something, then relax & off to la la land again It’s another beautiful day & I'm going to sit here, having a quiet coffee, stick the machine on & go back to bed for a few hours ... or that’s the plan

 

[Amethyst59]

Just checked in to see if you slept....really good news. When you are well rested you will have more energy to care for Mum, and she will feel safer and happier for it.

 

[Batsue]

I'm glad to hear that the bed and sitter worked out and you got some sleep. Sending a hug.

 

[bluejcas]

Just been diagnosed and am a newbie to this forum. Help and advice would be appreciated from you all Thankyou

 

[Margi29]

I'm so glad you got some well needed sleep and the night sitter was good.
Also pleased your mum is fine with the bed x

 

[love.dad.but..]

Glad it all worked well last night. Sometimes we agonise on the ifs..in terms of trying something different for the pwd which we know would benefit them and worry about how they may react when often it is better I often found with dad just to go for it with my big girl pants on prepared for it to go either way. We just have to try to muster the energy as they decline. Hope the day is calm.

 

[Sam Luvit]

[
Morning @bluejcas

Please excuse me jumping all over the place, I’m not at my most coherent right now

First of all, I’m really sorry to hear your news, but as you have found this forum, you will find it’s the best place to be. You can ask the difficult questions, vent your anger, cry your tears & someone will be around to hold your hand & give you some suggestions.

You are more than welcome to join in here, we are friendly lol. Although you might find a wider audience if you start your own thread, which also gives you the chance to give your story, so giving more information to enable people to help.

https://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/forums/recently-diagnosed-and-early-stages-of-dementia.71/

The link is to the forum for recently diagnosed, so may have more relevant threads for you to read, but is also a good place to start your own story

Please don’t be offended, as you read some stories (mine included), we vent our frustrations. In no way does this mean I don’t care about my mum. I wouId fight anyone who hurts her or fails her, but I have been frustrated by what this disease has done to her. This is the only place I dare to say that, where I am not judged.

If you add to your profile the area you are from, England, Australia, USA etc, with more details, Yorkshire, Essex etc, more relevant suggestions can be made

You will be bombarded with “our” standard questions to help us help you ...

Do you live alone
What benefits have you claimed
Have you sorted a Lasting Power of Attorney (LPA)
Have you been assessed by Adult Social Care (ASC)

These are just the start, more will follow

Take it a day at a time & take all help offered. Some areas get more than others

Take care