I am so glad you will have a night 'off'! Hope you will be able to switch off and sleep (((hugs))).
Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
I was thinking that I’m probably viewed as very cold & uncaring by the many people who have phoned, visited & helped with sorting everything in the last 48 hours. I teared up with one, but pulled back & got control again.
I rattle through the changes, the history, mums upset, but it’s unemotional. Just the facts. I know it’s how I can keep going, but there’s a voice in my head saying “how are you not crying, don’t you care?’
The lovely Irish priest said “it’s a good thing you are doing Sam”
The DN looked at me & said “I can see you are strong, holding it together, take time for you”
The Hospice guy gave me a bone squeezing hug
My brother hugged me
Poor Pooch is crying, lying by me with his teddy
All see right through my tough shell to the mess I really am.
As Mum watched her soap tonight, she said “this is my last soap” :-(
I rattle through the changes, the history, mums upset, but it’s unemotional. Just the facts. I know it’s how I can keep going, but there’s a voice in my head saying “how are you not crying, don’t you care?’
The lovely Irish priest said “it’s a good thing you are doing Sam”
The DN looked at me & said “I can see you are strong, holding it together, take time for you”
The Hospice guy gave me a bone squeezing hug
My brother hugged me
Poor Pooch is crying, lying by me with his teddy
All see right through my tough shell to the mess I really am.
As Mum watched her soap tonight, she said “this is my last soap” :-(
Good grief Sam things have moved so quickly. I'm so sorry. I cannot believe your GP can't say on TP what I think of him.
I'm so glad you're getting the help and equipment in place to help you both. The commode they sent for Mum is on wheels like a wheelchair and you can wheel it right over the toilet if you want to. Please Sam stop using upstairs have all you need downstairs and use your lounge for the New bed.
The Priest sounded lovely..
6 months ago I thought Mum wouldn't last she was hardly eating, sleeping all the time but then she seemed to pick up again and although not eating a huge amount will have a breakfast and usually a mug of home made soup for lunch not much else so things can change and the roller coaster can continue. Just take each day as it comes, you're doing a fantastic job and let those tears flow it's sometimes the outlet we need.
Like the others have said accept all the help offered, you need their support as well.
Sending massive warm ((((( hugs))))) x
I'm so glad you're getting the help and equipment in place to help you both. The commode they sent for Mum is on wheels like a wheelchair and you can wheel it right over the toilet if you want to. Please Sam stop using upstairs have all you need downstairs and use your lounge for the New bed.
The Priest sounded lovely.
. 6 months ago I thought Mum wouldn't last she was hardly eating, sleeping all the time but then she seemed to pick up again and although not eating a huge amount will have a breakfast and usually a mug of home made soup for lunch not much else so things can change and the roller coaster can continue. Just take each day as it comes, you're doing a fantastic job and let those tears flow it's sometimes the outlet we need.
Like the others have said accept all the help offered, you need their support as well.
Sending massive warm ((((( hugs))))) x
Remember I've met you !! I know how much you care xI was thinking that I’m probably viewed as very cold & uncaring by the many people who have phoned, visited & helped with sorting everything in the last 48 hours. I teared up with one, but pulled back & got control again.
I rattle through the changes, the history, mums upset, but it’s unemotional. Just the facts. I know it’s how I can keep going, but there’s a voice in my head saying “how are you not crying, don’t you care?’
The lovely Irish priest said “it’s a good thing you are doing Sam”
The DN looked at me & said “I can see you are strong, holding it together, take time for you”
The Hospice guy gave me a bone squeezing hug
My brother hugged me
Poor Pooch is crying, lying by me with his teddy
All see right through my tough shell to the mess I really am.
As Mum watched her soap tonight, she said “this is my last soap” :-(
Sometimes ' the hardest sweets have the softest centres '
Hugs from me x
Sam you're in "holding it together" mode, something takes over your brain at this stage and you act like an automaton. If you didn't you would collapse and be no use to your Mum, yourself or Pooch.
All those people trampling through your house at the moment recognise that.
Go easy on yourself.
This is a traumatic time and your brain is protecting you.
With this extra help now, hopefully you will be able to sit more with your Mum and talk to her, they're precious moments. It's very unreal and intense.
Margi's words are so true and your soft centre is clearly there.
Many (((hugs))) to you, thinking of you. Xxx
All those people trampling through your house at the moment recognise that.
Go easy on yourself.
This is a traumatic time and your brain is protecting you.
With this extra help now, hopefully you will be able to sit more with your Mum and talk to her, they're precious moments. It's very unreal and intense.
Margi's words are so true and your soft centre is clearly there.
Many (((hugs))) to you, thinking of you. Xxx
Morning all,
Sam, you said yourself that recognise how hard this is for you. So they clearly don't think you are cold, or heard-hearted. You are simply doing what you have to in order to make your mum as comfortable and content as possible, without considering your own feelings. The tears will come when you are able to allow them.
Taking CM to bed with you is a very good idea! I have been alcohol free for several months (my liver enzymes went awry) but have been told I can drink again, so really enjoyed my Lambs and coke last night
(((hugs))) to all.
Sam, you said yourself that recognise how hard this is for you. So they clearly don't think you are cold, or heard-hearted. You are simply doing what you have to in order to make your mum as comfortable and content as possible, without considering your own feelings. The tears will come when you are able to allow them.
Taking CM to bed with you is a very good idea! I have been alcohol free for several months (my liver enzymes went awry) but have been told I can drink again, so really enjoyed my Lambs and coke last night
(((hugs))) to all.
Prudence is right Holding-it-together mode describes it very well. I was the same when mum died. Im sure that everyone coming in recognises it.
Dont worry about it
xx
Dont worry about it
xx
Hi @Sam Luvit - just a thought about painkillers ... When I had the metal screw thingies put in my jaw for some dental implants, I was told to take both paracetamol and ibuprofen. They can be taken together. I was told to take each 4 x pd as directed, but alternately every 2 hours. (ie Paracetamol at 08.00, Ibuprofen at 10.00, Paracetamol at 12.00 etc) I am an aspirin person, and nothing other than that usually does anything for me, however this did a grand job at keeping the pain away.
Might not be appropriate for your Mum, but thought I'd just throw it in there!
X
Might not be appropriate for your Mum, but thought I'd just throw it in there!
X
Over Easter I had what I found out to be painful head shingles. I was alternating for a week between paracetenol and ibuprofen but neither helped and on diagnosis GP gave me anti virals and stronger painkiller. However...age related..early 60s..many as we age have reduced kidney function..mine is usually around 65% and may well stay that way. However a blood test 6 weeks after taking a short amount of ibuprofen found my kidney function dramatically dipped to 24%. Having had further tests and blood reading rising...the GP said the only explanation is that for some people and they don't fully understand why...ibuprofen attacks the kidneys especially if function is already compromised so I cannot now take that . The gel or any other NSAID...non steroid anti inflammatory drug. This may not of course apply to your mum but I thought worth sharing as I know my dad at 86 had age related stage 3 kidney disease...apparently common in the elderly.
Hi @rosy18
Mum & I talked about that GP, I told her I won’t have him in the house as he upset her. She asked what he did to upset her & I just said he wasn’t kind & that’s good enough for me to ban him
I told Mum they are sending a commode. She did exactly what I thought & got very indignant... not using that. So I then said they were also sending a seat riser .. suddenly the downstairs loo is acceptable
She’s very upset about the profile bed downstairs. She doesn’t want it. I’ve again said about it making things easier for her, for as long as she needs it, until she doesn’t need it. I can’t lie to her. Not a blatant lie. So I just don’t finish the sentence. My throat constricts as I say that, but it’s all I can say
I’m going to call the priest & ask him to visit again. Brother is worried that Mum will give up if he comes again, but Mum liked him & it calmed her. It’s about her now. Calm & relaxed & not anxious
Mum & I talked about that GP, I told her I won’t have him in the house as he upset her. She asked what he did to upset her & I just said he wasn’t kind & that’s good enough for me to ban him
I told Mum they are sending a commode. She did exactly what I thought & got very indignant... not using that. So I then said they were also sending a seat riser .. suddenly the downstairs loo is acceptable
She’s very upset about the profile bed downstairs. She doesn’t want it. I’ve again said about it making things easier for her, for as long as she needs it, until she doesn’t need it. I can’t lie to her. Not a blatant lie. So I just don’t finish the sentence. My throat constricts as I say that, but it’s all I can say
I’m going to call the priest & ask him to visit again. Brother is worried that Mum will give up if he comes again, but Mum liked him & it calmed her. It’s about her now. Calm & relaxed & not anxious
I told you, don’t be nice to me ... I need my tough hard shell.
Poppet is getting her work done for her MOT, what timing I’m going on the road ...
Holding it together @Prudence9 is about right. Except right now I’m blubbing. Later today the bed arrives. It feels like the end. It is unreal & very intense. She’s in pain. Pretending she is “fine”. She’s not fine. She’s frightened. I hold her hand. I tell her I love her. Whatever has happened or nit happened. She’s still my mum. She’s a Hunan being & this pain is wrong.
Evening @Slugsta
Tonight the tears came. I went to the loo & sobbed. Then I had to paint a smile on & get her to bed. Im expecting pooch any minute. Last night he bought his “teddy” to me & cried. If he does that tonight it’ll probably kill me
Lol. I got the lambs out tonight. I’m finishing up with CM Spiced. It’s been quiet a day
I’ve not told Mum she has a night sitter tomorrow..
Tonight the tears came. I went to the loo & sobbed. Then I had to paint a smile on & get her to bed. Im expecting pooch any minute. Last night he bought his “teddy” to me & cried. If he does that tonight it’ll probably kill me
Lol. I got the lambs out tonight. I’m finishing up with CM Spiced. It’s been quiet a day
I’ve not told Mum she has a night sitter tomorrow..
You quite possibly are already doing this, but how I "sell" things to my father is using all the positives - so if it was him in your mum's place, I'd be saying things like:
"You'll be able to spy on the neighbours!"
"You'll be able to watch all the goings-on in the street!"
"You'll be first to know when we have visitors!"
"You'll be able to let me know if the postman's been!"
....and so on. Obviously adapted to exactly where the downstairs room is located and what your mum is interested in (my father's quite nosey lol). Perhaps promise her a re-decoration of the downstairs loo, ask her to look at/choose colours/patterns, with the idea to make it "her" loo (even if you actually have no intention of doing the decoration, she might feel more inclined to be happy using it if she feels it's "hers").
All positive stuff, nothing to do with her dying, all to do with her feeling she's part of life. I hope that makes sense x
"You'll be able to spy on the neighbours!"
"You'll be able to watch all the goings-on in the street!"
"You'll be first to know when we have visitors!"
"You'll be able to let me know if the postman's been!"
....and so on. Obviously adapted to exactly where the downstairs room is located and what your mum is interested in (my father's quite nosey lol). Perhaps promise her a re-decoration of the downstairs loo, ask her to look at/choose colours/patterns, with the idea to make it "her" loo (even if you actually have no intention of doing the decoration, she might feel more inclined to be happy using it if she feels it's "hers").
All positive stuff, nothing to do with her dying, all to do with her feeling she's part of life. I hope that makes sense
x
Morning @Toony Oony
You’ve now put me off dental implants Not that I can afford them, but il toyed with saving up for one (broken tooth the dentist refused to deal with lol)
I know the paracetamol / brufen mix, it works well as one tops the other up. Unfortunately Mum can’t take brufen for long & now can’t take it with the other pain relief she’s on, but thanks for the reminder on that one.
It’s a beautiful day again, I’ll try getting Mum in the garden again. It lifts her spirits so much
You’ve now put me off dental implants
Not that I can afford them, but il toyed with saving up for one (broken tooth the dentist refused to deal with lol)I know the paracetamol / brufen mix, it works well as one tops the other up. Unfortunately Mum can’t take brufen for long & now can’t take it with the other pain relief she’s on, but thanks for the reminder on that one.
It’s a beautiful day again, I’ll try getting Mum in the garden again. It lifts her spirits so much
