Hi
@Slugsta
My mum has returned to her snide comments (fat) & criticism (not cut that bush, mopped that floor) when in nasty mode, but is much kinder, thoughtful & sweet when in nice mode. See, my mum has Hostess Mode for everyone else, but Nasty Mode & Sweet Mode for regular carers & daughter. She has to be different lol
I was told the chances of getting pregnant were slim, I then miscarried at 12 weeks & had a threatened miscarriage at 12 weeks with eldest. I had additional scans & was closely monitored. I never thought I wouId carry him full term, so in a way, I was pregnant but not having a baby. At 7 months they said he should survive if I had him early, then I accepted I was having a baby. Unfortunately it was too late to bond properly. I cared for him, but I was totally disconnected. (I did connect eventually, but not till he was about 11 months). Years later I was told that was a normal reaction as a protection mechanism. I wasn’t told anything at the time & felt I was not normal.
His dad did a right number on him, telling him I didn’t love him & never could. I knew nothing of that until he was about 12,when he was very ill, nearly dying on the operating table. I had to go to work (self employed & the only breadwinner), but I went to the hospital every night as soon as I got back & spent the weekends there. He did a Mothers Day card & that’s when I found out his dad had told him I didn’t love him. Poor kid was confused as to why I visited so much if I didn’t care. I made sure he knew that was wrong.
It’s not just our parents who do it to us, sometimes it’s our supposed life partners who do it again & also mess up our kids. I wonder at times if I will ever understand enough to undo the mess :-(
Hi
I havent thought of this for years, it was buried deep.
There is only me and my brother. I married at 19 by the time I was 25 had 3 gorgeous children. I lost twins when I was 14 weeks at 26. My brother had 1 long relationship that ended after 13 years. Oh my poor brother my mum fussed. He then got married 5 years ago under totally deceitful, lying, sneaky circumstances after all her bitching she forgave him.
Me bad marriage, violent, affairs, I worked 3 kids 4 jobs a mortgage. Something had to give. I fell for my son during a very bad patch in my marriage and was in two minds what to do, I have never felt so alone so I turned to my Mum. At this time terminations were only if you paid for them, anyway she offered help. I couldn’t do it it went against everything I believed in and still do. I had my son, I love him so proud of him. Anyway I left my marriage, I had a breakdown and walked out leaving my then husband with 3 children after 20 years of marriage. It wasn’t long before the poison went in. My ex husband told my son, when he was 14 that he was a surprise, that I didn’t want him, that I asked my mother to pay for an abortion. This of course couldn’t have been further from the truth. I love that boy with my very being, needless to say he has nothing to do with my Mum and very little with me.
So what with my mother who slags me off at every given opportunity and to everyone and anyone who will listen, Oh it’s only julie rolls her eyes, you know what she’s likes, she’s a bully, she does nothing, what does she know, she was a bad girl at 3,5,7,9,11,13,14,14,15,16,17,18,19, and on it goes. I’m 56 now with 6 Grandchildren. Needless to say that I am dealing with her finances as best I can whilst I wait for a Court of Protection order or they will take over as she mucked up the POA. I deal with doctors, district nurses, carers, care company, all the grief, I live 260 miles away not in the best of health, my daughter who has 4 children cooks evening meals for her and freezes them, does her shopping online, goes over once a week, listens to my moaning. My brothers goes once a week, does nothing, eats all her biscuits and food, then tells me she needs shopping, my daughter phones carers for list, she doesn’t want anything, no list no shopping, not difficult to understand? He sees things need doing doesn’t do it. I go to socialise he says.
I’m the useless one, the son shines out his a*#@. When the doctor did the assessment form he asked her who she would prefer to do her finances, she said and I quote “Oh my son, as I bonded with him” wow how to make you feel good. He doesn’t want to know but he hasn’t got the balls to tell her.
Right I’m sorry I have digressed totally but I can relate to what’s being said. I will never be good enough for my Mum my Dad bless his soul kept her in check if you like and how he coped with her I will never know, when we meet again I will ask him
Thank you for listening or rather reading. Xxx
. Give your local Church a ring the Priest should gladly come visit you. Like Slugsta said whatever your faith your local Church should be there to support you both.
