Can I ... Should I?

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Prudence9

I never thought of that, but sure it wouId make sense. I’ll have a look later. For while I’m up, I’m nowhere near awake

Poor Mum has been up several times in the night. I’ve just sat with her for a bit as she is feeling so sick. I’ve come down to sit in the early morning sun with a coffee, to see if she will sleep a bit.

Eldest is due over later. He’s promised to stay a reasonable time this week. I hope so, as I may well go back to bed while he’s here

 

[Prudence9]

Oh your poor Mum xx hopefully she'll sleep for a while and feel better when she wakes.

Just going to get my 3rd (!) coffee, am sitting outside too so.... cheers, enjoy the peace Sam xxx

 

[love.dad.but..]

Hi @rosy18

It’s good to hear from you, you & your Mum are often in my thoughts. I know it’s not easy for you at the best of times, but with a chest infection, I expect you have little time for you. Do try to at least go sit in your garden when the carers come. (Says she who sits at the top of the stairs falling asleep , but it’s do as I say, not do as I do )

The uncertainty is difficult. ASC liaison is in agreement with my sarcastic query of how a GP can assess Mum without seeing her. But the care company came out & told me ‘no change” in Mum It’s such a farce

Thank you, I love the lighting of candles, it’s such a peaceful connection. I need to work out how to get a priest to visit, mums asking about it, just not sure if they even do that any more Someone was supposed to be finding out ..... still waiting

Hugs always welcome. Sending a few back to help you coz you have more on your plate than usual. Seeing you with your mum gave me a goal to aim for, you’re so amazing with her

I got in touch with the parish priest when dad moved into his NH and he came every now and again whilst dad was still able to have Holy Communion...as he declined and was not willing to accept by mouth ..the Priest gave him a blessing instead. At end of life I wasn't able to contact that priest quickly enough as he was away for the day... for last rites... but managed to find another wonderful American priest from a parish 20 miles away who within 40 mins of my call swept in gave me a big hug amongst ny tears and gave dad last rites...didn't manage to do that for my brother or mum but so pleased managed for dad.

 

[Margi29]

The alarm sounds as if it's a very good one, very sensitive, at least warning you before your mum falls again

Dad is often with mum, she says or is living somewhere else.

All things were good around 6 last night, mum was lucid.

Never count your chickens before they hatch !!!!

Carer arrived at mums around 9, she had to ring me, mum distraught.

Apparently a man had been in flat demanding £300 for her rates !!! She said she had to give him all her savings
And when she chased after him he was in a van with another man, they drove off at speed !!!!

Carer put mum on phone to me, I said ' don't worry mum I've got the money back for you '

I really could kick myself, mum was watching a programme called ' can't pay, we take away ' she obviously got herself in a pickle thinking it was real, and about her. Mum has no great amount of money in flat.

Live it , learn it !!! next time I'll turn the program over if it's it's on tv

 

[Amy in the US]

Sam, just popping in to check on you.

If you'd be willing to share your location via a PM or whatever they're now called, then I wonder if someone here could assist you to find a helpful priest for your mum, or at least find some phone numbers for you. But no pressure and of course we understand if you prefer privacy. You have a lot going on at the moment so no worries.

If not a local church, then I wonder if a local care home, hospital, and/or a local hospice would know a priest who would make a house call.

I'm sorry your mum woke up feeling so unwell today.

Please have some ((((hugs))))!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Oh your poor Mum xx hopefully she'll sleep for a while and feel better when she wakes.

Just going to get my 3rd (!) coffee, am sitting outside too so.... cheers, enjoy the peace Sam xxx

Evening @Prudence9

Uggg I was so tired I thought I was going to start throwing up. Several coffees later the Carer arrived. Mum didn’t want to get up. Asked to be left alone, but I persuaded her to get up with the promise she could go back to bed after a shower & fresh clothes if she wanted. She felt better enough to come downstairs & had a yoghurt

I legged it off fir a long shower & tried to wake up

 

[Sam Luvit]

Thank you @love.dad.but.. I will try contacting someone tomorrow. At least if she can talk to a priest, I think it will ease her mind. We’ve not been able to go since January, no chance of going anytime soon, if ever :-(. The priests have all changed several times over the last few years, I dint feel a connection with anyone anymore. It feels important to get this sorted.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Evening @Margi29

Mum loves that program, she can’t understand why some people think they don’t have to pay their bills, but have TV’s in every room

Dad hasn’t been mentioned for a few months, now she dreams of him, or he’s around every dream. She says she can’t see his face, but she knows he’s around making sure she’s safe. It’s kind of comforting (to me).

The alarm is very good. It goes on the mattress, under everything else, it goes off when she gets off the bed (or lifts her hips off to get more comfortable). Beeps & vibrates. If I don’t cancel within 30 seconds it auto dials Careline. Apparently I can link it to my mobile (declined that). It can clip on a belt & wouId still be connected if I was in the garden & Mum got out of bed.

Apart from the sudden wake up shrill beep, I’d definately recommend it.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Amy in the US

I think I’ll try the church we go to in the morning & see if I get any joy. I’m reluctant to give too much personal information on here, as I have an emotionally abusive ex, who just won’t go away. Although I’m not the scared person I was, I don’t need to invite trouble, so I’m careful, just in case. He was part of my reluctance to move in with Mum, just in case he decided to reappear. Can’t imagine why I’ve kept some of the sports equipment from the kids lol, cricket bats are pretty heavy, as is another item youngest gave me as a gift Just happen to be around waiting to go in display, along with the trophy’s

I may try the ASC liaison person & ask her input. She may know someone. This is why I love TP, brainstorming & finding solutions

Eldest visited today, he gives rubbish hugs, so I told him to give me a proper hug & I thought of you guys when he did

 

[Sam Luvit]

Eldest came over & bought the baby (he’s nearly 4 now, but I’ve missed so much of his growing up due to him mother)

Anyway. Mum was pleased. I’m keeping a little distance, been through the mill of not being allowed to see him 3 or 4 times now & I don’t have much fight left. I’ve told eldest that when he grows a pair & sorts it out, then I’m prepared to relax. It may sound hard, but it is hard getting to know a child & then without warning or any reason, being told you can’t see them

The evening Carer arrived, she’s not been for a month, hadn’t been told anything about Mum & was visibly shocked at Mum. I was so tired I’d encouraged Mum to go in the lounge & then joined her for a cat nap. To say I was half asleep & disoriented when the Carer arrived wouId be a slight understatement.

I cooked, but Mum wasn’t impressed. Oh well. Can’t get it right every time Even pudding was “too sweet”. Pooch wasn’t happy either for some reason. Both of them are now in bed, so a little peace n quiet for me

Mum had her meds, was determined to stay up till the end of some program, then seemed to just slump when it ended. I was seriously concerned about her getting up the stairs, but she made it. Really hard work in the bathroom, but she finally made it to bed. Relieved to get her tucked in safely.

Lots of mumbling while she held my hand. She keeps saying she’s sorry. 6 months ago she wasn’t sorry for anything, even if she should be (temper tantrums etc). Now she’s sorry every night & several times a day

Her pain level was much better today. Only an 8

Mum said she was much better tonight. What do you say to that? No. You are 10 times worse than yesterday? I just kissed her goodnight & told her to rest

 

[Amy in the US]

I do wish your mum weren't so physically uncomfortable. Does the pain medication not give her proper relief?

I also keep a low profile for privacy and safety reasons, so I quite understand. I hope you can find a priest to come see your mum.

You sound tired, and no wonder. Hope you can get some rest. Have some more (((hugs))).

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Amy in the US

No the pain meds don’t seem to help much, except oramoroph, but that makes her dopey, so she has it at night whatever she says. The hospital said she will be in a lot of pain for months with the clavicle fracture

Yeah, I’m a bit tired lol. I do need to figure out how to get some sleep sometime soon. I’ll take the hugs & curl up with them later ...

 

[Margi29]

Morning all

Stayed at mums last night, the flat is like a furnace!!! I'd had a shower before going to mums, hair nice etc...
Two hours later, red faced and sweat running down my back, hair looks like some scary creature has come out of cave

On the plus side she slept 12 till nearly 9 , only up once in the night, so I'm refreshed and off to find her a thin quilt and good fan !!!

I'm glad son and little one came over @Sam Luvit , even the rare times your mum sees the little one, it's a positive, different conversation etc...

If your mum will eat little and often, with plenty of fluids then so be it, it's hard x

Good luck getting a priest, it may settle your mum x

 

[Sam Luvit]

Evening @Margi29

I know what you mean about heating lol. I have a small spray bottle which I fill with water out the fridge to spray over me in an attempt to cool down, while Mum has a heated shoulder wrap & fleece over her

Wow. I wish my mum wouId sleep that long. I know it’s not every night you get a decent sleep, but I’ll bet you were bouncing with energy this morning

Dinner was pushed away last night. I went looking for the chicken wings she enjoyed a few nights ago, but they’ve sold out I’m trying drumsticks instead

Result on the priest. I had a long chat with the church office & she will pass in the need to talk as early as possible. That’s one whole thing off my list

I could scream. All day Mum has been sleeping, staggering when trying to walk, struggling with the stairs, very vacant looks. She called my brother by eldest name, asked me where I was

So, very carefully got her in the lounge & put on the dreaded soap, while I prepped dinner. She only got herself out the chair & walked into the kitchen unaided. Is the woman off her trolly. One more fall will see her back in hospital & I can’t see her making it out again

She had that “little smile” that tells me she knew exactly what she’d done & that she shouldn’t. She struggled up the stairs, stumbled at the top & then shut the bathroom door on me.

Aaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh

 

[Margi29]

Evening @Margi29

I know what you mean about heating lol. I have a small spray bottle which I fill with water out the fridge to spray over me in an attempt to cool down, while Mum has a heated shoulder wrap & fleece over her

Wow. I wish my mum wouId sleep that long. I know it’s not every night you get a decent sleep, but I’ll bet you were bouncing with energy this morning

Dinner was pushed away last night. I went looking for the chicken wings she enjoyed a few nights ago, but they’ve sold out I’m trying drumsticks instead

Result on the priest. I had a long chat with the church office & she will pass in the need to talk as early as possible. That’s one whole thing off my list

I could scream. All day Mum has been sleeping, staggering when trying to walk, struggling with the stairs, very vacant looks. She called my brother by eldest name, asked me where I was

So, very carefully got her in the lounge & put on the dreaded soap, while I prepped dinner. She only got herself out the chair & walked into the kitchen unaided. Is the woman off her trolly. One more fall will see her back in hospital & I can’t see her making it out again

She had that “little smile” that tells me she knew exactly what she’d done & that she shouldn’t. She struggled up the stairs, stumbled at the top & then shut the bathroom door on me.

Aaaarrrrrrgggggghhhhhh

Yes I know exactly how you feel re: scream lol.
We try our best, a bit like when children are first learning how to walk and use stairs, doesn't matter how much either one of us try and protect them, they just do their own thing

Memory of dad flooded back this morning, after reading your post !!

I managed to get both of parents to mine for a few days. Son had just had his bedroom newly decorated, I had made provisions for dad so he had no need whatsoever to go upstairs i.e. Bed in other sitting room, could wash down stairs, toilet nearby.
Dad hadn't used stairs in years ( lived in bungalow) while I was upstairs he came up, found him at top of stairs!!
Asked him what he was doing ???
" I wanted to see the lads room "

So with a stick, two cva and dementia I carefully managed to manoeuvre him back down stairs.

It's the fear @Sam Luvit , we know what could happen in a heartbeat, but.....

That and the fact trying to give a daughter a heart attack in the process

It's horrible and sad when names get mixed up. Mum calls my daughter ' the hair dresser '
Asked me if I just have a brother at the weekend
Also asked if I had seen my uncle ( all uncles have been dead years)
Has time goes by even though we try and prepare our selves for worse things to come it's so damn hard x

Yes the annoying little smile, I know that well x

 

[Sam Luvit]

Morning @Margi29

That blooming little smile is my undoing

That must have been scarey, finding your dad upstairs & then getting him back down again

Mum is a total mixture in one day ...

She gets up, determined she is “better”. This means she swops out clothes, puts her pads in the clean bag ready for her arm in plaster so she can shower. Folds up her towel so it’s still damp in the morning, despite watching me air it out over the radiator. Shuts the bathroom door in my face. Turns on taps to warm them up, even though I’m telling her the Carer isn’t due for 10-20 minutes.

By the time she is showered & dressed, she’s unsteady walking. Until this morning, I’m usually at the top of the stairs waiting for her. I was too slow today, so she tried walking down herself. Poor Carer managed to duck round her & slow her down, but it’s just unfair. If Mum falls on me that’s one thing (my choice of risk). If Mum falls on the Carer, she can’t work for a few weeks. That’s wrong.

We then get sad little old lady, I’m mean etc. This is followed by a day of stumbling & being led around with vacant & docile. Evenings are back to stroppy toddler, rapidly deteriorating into exhaustion & much stumbling.

Bed time can be either a fight of her trying as she’s “better” or meek & easy to manage

Once in bed, she’s sorry. Keeps on saying she’s sorry, mixed in with talk of dad, priests & mixed up memories from years ago as she drifts off to sleep

Still waiting on the doctor. I’m going to try the ASC liaison later & see what she has to say. Apparently ASC have monthly meetings with the surgeries to discuss actions. I get the feeling mums GP might find himself in outer space

 

[Slugsta]

Afternoon all,

Please forgive my absence - I haven't been getting notifications and the time has slipped by unnoticed Mind you, I don't feel I can say/do anything useful when I am here!

Sam, I am glad you have got the priest issue sorted. We are C of E but I know it is usual for ministers to visit parishioners at home (whether or not they were active church goers). My MiL's vicar visited several times, at her request, when she was near the end and my Mum's regular minister traveled from the other side of town to visit. So, I cannot imagine the RC provision being any less.

Watching your mum decline like this must be heartbreaking. Then you have the added burden of being there 24/7, with no chance to really rest and regain energy. I think you are amazing (((hugs))).

Rosy, I'm sorry your mum has a chest infection I completely understand your point about carers visiting when they are infectious.

(((hugs))) to all

 

[carolynp]

Afternoon all,

Please forgive my absence - I haven't been getting notifications and the time has slipped by unnoticed Mind you, I don't feel I can say/do anything useful when I am here!

Sam, I am glad you have got the priest issue sorted. We are C of E but I know it is usual for ministers to visit parishioners at home (whether or not they were active church goers). My MiL's vicar visited several times, at her request, when she was near the end and my Mum's regular minister traveled from the other side of town to visit. So, I cannot imagine the RC provision being any less.

Watching your mum decline like this must be heartbreaking. Then you have the added burden of being there 24/7, with no chance to really rest and regain energy. I think you are amazing (((hugs))).

Rosy, I'm sorry your mum has a chest infection I completely understand your point about carers visiting when they are infectious.

(((hugs))) to all

Hello! Hugs to you too!

 

[Margi29]

Morning @Margi29

That blooming little smile is my undoing

That must have been scarey, finding your dad upstairs & then getting him back down again

Mum is a total mixture in one day ...

She gets up, determined she is “better”. This means she swops out clothes, puts her pads in the clean bag ready for her arm in plaster so she can shower. Folds up her towel so it’s still damp in the morning, despite watching me air it out over the radiator. Shuts the bathroom door in my face. Turns on taps to warm them up, even though I’m telling her the Carer isn’t due for 10-20 minutes.

By the time she is showered & dressed, she’s unsteady walking. Until this morning, I’m usually at the top of the stairs waiting for her. I was too slow today, so she tried walking down herself. Poor Carer managed to duck round her & slow her down, but it’s just unfair. If Mum falls on me that’s one thing (my choice of risk). If Mum falls on the Carer, she can’t work for a few weeks. That’s wrong.

We then get sad little old lady, I’m mean etc. This is followed by a day of stumbling & being led around with vacant & docile. Evenings are back to stroppy toddler, rapidly deteriorating into exhaustion & much stumbling.

Bed time can be either a fight of her trying as she’s “better” or meek & easy to manage

Once in bed, she’s sorry. Keeps on saying she’s sorry, mixed in with talk of dad, priests & mixed up memories from years ago as she drifts off to sleep

Still waiting on the doctor. I’m going to try the ASC liaison later & see what she has to say. Apparently ASC have monthly meetings with the surgeries to discuss actions. I get the feeling mums GP might find himself in outer space

Not sure if mentioned before by anyone ??? Safety gates top and bottom of steps ??

I know my grandchildren have them at my daughters and even I struggle to escape, either to go up or down stairs, the catch is a tricky little thing for even a 50 something lady

 

[Amy in the US]

Sam, sorry, just passing and waving hello. Sorry it is all so trying.