1. Q&A: Medication - Thurs 22nd November, 3-4pm

    Do you have questions about medication and drug treatments for dementia? There's no drug to cure dementia yet, but it's often possible to relieve some symptoms.

    Our next expert Q&A will be hosted by Simon from our Knowledge Services team. He will be answering your questions on Thursday 22nd November from 3-4pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Can I ... Should I?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sam Luvit, Oct 26, 2016.

  1. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    Hi @Norfolk Cherry

    I know what you mean, just knowing you are not alone makes such a massive difference. Please don’t feel you have to share, but know that if you want to, you are always welcome.

    I think the thing with counselling is it only helps when you decide you need it. We all have coping mechanisms for the things that get thrown at us, throwing yourself into longer work hours, pounding away in a gym or pool, taking long walks in the countryside or just watching waves on a shore. When you find yourself talking to friends & they look shocked, disbelieving or just plain bored, that’s when you need to ask for help, or that’s what I found.
     
  2. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    Hi @Slugsta

    I could manage an evening with Mum, a weekend was pushing it, I’d arrive late Friday & leave late afternoon & that was plenty. Then we had a few years where we could spend time together & I almost missed her

    Without those few years where things greatly improved, there is nothing on earth that wouId have endured me to move in, we wouIdnt have survived a few days, never mind a week
     
  3. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,191
    Yorkshire
    With the unbelievable comments our loved ones pop up with, it's a good job we have a sense of humour, or many of us would need a straight jacket to keep our hands off them :D
     
  4. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    My jaw hit the floor .. eldest turns, looks at me & looks away

    What can I say @Margi29 ... jaw dropping history rewrite
     
  5. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    Mum has been struggling with her hair for a while, I persuaded her to have it trimmed (several inches off the length) September last year, she then moaned about the length, it was too short

    I’ve been trying to get her to lease it down, but she scraps it into a tight bun or ponytail & it doesn’t do her any favours. Anyway, being unable to use her right hand, she’s started moaning about getting it cut. I went into town, chatted with the hairdresser I’ve used & booked her in

    Yesterday she was pleased to be going. This morning she wasn’t. Lots of refusing to go. I bullied her. She said she just wanted to die, so I told her not today, too much paperwork

    E is just lovely. She chatted with Mum. No pressure. We looked at photos I’d downloaded & Mum agreed to go ahead. Honestly, I’ve never seen such a transformation. She’s now got short hair, easy to manage. Helen Miriam, eat your heart out, Mum rocks that look

    It’s taken 10 years off her. She loves it. The 2 guys who own the salon were gobsmacked. One got a big huffy at me playing with mums hair & showing mum how easy it was to style. E was fine with it, the guys were telling me off. I just gave them a look & said “honey, I’ve gotta style it”. They backed off.
     
  6. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    7,348
    Female
    South coast
    How lovely for your mum, even if it did take a kerfuffle getting there
    I love that response :cool:
     
  7. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,191
    Yorkshire
    Good, I'm glad your mum loves the new hair :) I would have loved to be a fly on the wall in hair dressers :eek:
    Yes your right, far too much paper work :D

    Went to bed at 8 last night, been up since 5 :rolleyes: but washing in, kitchen no longer looking as if burglary has been done !!! Dare not put the hoover on, or divorce maybe on the cards lol. Wide awake at moment and refreshed, though I expect later today when wrecking ball grandson arrives grandma may need a power nap with him :D
     
  8. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    Lol @canary ... she was just being stroppy, not depressed, so it seemed the way to go :)
     
  9. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    Morning @Margi29 :)

    Mum still loves it this morning, so that’s even better. As for the silly lads being all proprietary over me messing mums hair, I just wasn’t going to let them make Mum feel bad :p

    I fell asleep in the lounge after Mum went up well after midnight (again). Woke about 03.30 & staggered off myself. Awake about 08.00, but feel like something no self respecting cat wouId drag in

    I’ve got counselling later & a coffee meet up after that. So, hopefully I’ll become more human. The sun is very bright & that means a garden day & good mood for Mum :D
     
  10. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    I’m sure there were two comments on here last night, I saw as I closed up the iPad, but they’ve gone now ??? I was too tired to reply & now I’m feeling bad about that

    I thought if the moderator moved a post as it was in the wrong thread that you got a message o_O
     
  11. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    11,348
    West Midlands
    Maybe not moderated. A couple of threads I’ve noticed had a hic up yesterday that have been sorted. Maybe they are lost into a hic up..
     
  12. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Afternoon all,

    Sam, I am so glad that our mum is pleased with her new look :)

    I hope the counselling goes well (((hugs)))

    Margi, I hope your energy lasts through the day!
     
  13. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,191
    Yorkshire
    Hope all went well today @Sam Luvit , and the sun is shining for you both x
    In answer to the ' energy ' @Slugsta , it's not here now lol. The wrecking ball won, closely followed by his four year old brother who came around and completely caused the house to look as if a bomb had hit :eek:

    On a good note, took youngest grandson to see mum at complex, lots of elderly who loved to see him ( he is such a happy, smiling little boy) then took both mum and grandson to the park. Mum was in good spirits, it was a good morning :)
     
  14. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    I’d just hate to think someone took the time to comment & felt ignored :-(
     
  15. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    Evening @Slugsta

    Mums still rocking the look & still loving it. All the carers & a couple of neighbours have raved to her about her new “do” :D

    Counselling ... I’m not sure how it’s going, but we established Mum may be critical of me to devalue my success so as to reinforce hers, also that her actions may well be from fear. Not sure how that helps o_O

    Oh, & when I’m really stressed I feel useless. Needing others to tell me I’m not.

    He seemed surprised that I’ve self analysed in the past & made conscious changes to things I don’t like about myself. For example. I never would start a conversation in the past, but figured I might get more if I did, so I started saying hello to everyone when I walk Pooch. (It started so quietly no one would hear). I now chat with 6 people on my walk in the mornings. It may not sound like much, but that is 600% more than I would have done in the past :D Some of them come out & wait for me as I walk down their road :D
     
  16. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,924
    East Sussex
    Hi @Margi29

    Counselling is strange, I feel like I’m leading, which is very strange. He’s not made me cry so far, but has made me think of a few things, tbh, jury is out on if it’s helping, although just talking is helpful

    I commented on the difference in Mum when the sun shines & I can get her in the garden, I laughingly said Alzheimers suffers should be prescribed Vit D. He said someone should do a study on that :eek:

    I’ve often though researchers could do worse than to read through a site like this & get “at the coal face” insight into what seems to help (paracetamol) & what effects (full moon) & maybe look at these things. I know, everyone is different & every progression is different, but there are similarities too. So many people talk of the onset following a shock, be it a death of a loved one or a fall resulting in breaks & operations, it has to be a factor. As for the meds that wouId knock out an elephant having no effect, but a parecetamol resulting in several hours sleep ... it sure makes me think

    Your home may resemble a war zone, but I’ll bet you loved every minute the bomb blast look took :p I’m so glad you had a good time in the park & your Mum was in good spirits.
     
  17. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Morning all,

    Margi, it sounds as if you had a lovely - albeit exhausting - day yesterday :)

    Sam, you are one of the least useless people I have had the pleasure to know! (((hugs)))

    Quiet day for me today as my Thursday Man is on holiday :(
     
  18. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,191
    Yorkshire
    Yes I think it's something to think about re ' why do two paracetamols work better than the prescribed tablets that would knock out us for days ' ??
    I'm with you also on , ' sun shining, gives better results than winter ' although even myself has more energy in the summer than winter, I just seem to hibernate ( warm fire, hot chocolate, fleece pjs etc..)

    Yes those two raise my spirit, they are so funny. Although I catch myself saying sentences I used for my own children, and mum used on us as children :D :eek:
     
  19. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,191
    Yorkshire
    Thank you, it was lovely, a power nap after tea was prescribed :)
     
  20. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    My friend calls it a 'disco nap', sounds far better than 'granny nap'! Whatever it is called, I have one most afternoons :oops:
     

Share This Page