Hi @Amy in the US Thank goodness for TP, for the wealth of knowledge shared, but for the amazing emotional support that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other, all be it very slowly this week. I suspect your friend had felt powerless to do anything to help you as a child, but wanted you to know they’d have liked to. Little things stay with us for years. There is a guilt that eats away at you for not standing up when you see something that’s wrong. Your friend saw something that was massive in difference to their home life, while to you it was “normal”, that could be why you don’t recall the incident, but it’s burnt into their memory. While you don’t remember that incident, the feeling that someone else does / did, probably helped you know it wasn’t your fault, it wasn’t imagined, it really happened & it wasn’t normal. I suspect it took courage for your friend to bring it up, but as it helped you, I’m glad they did I too don’t believe either of my parents should have become parents. In a way they were both running from difficult childhoods, with not a clue about how to nurture. They weren’t cruel, just emotionally absent. Or maybe in today’s terms, they were emotionally abusive, but that sounds too strong. I don’t remember my brother being criticised the way I was, but I also believe he shut down his emotions & they got no reaction. I would argue & try to get them to see me. You can control a child who fights, but not one that simply ignores everything & just carries on. It’s a wonder my brother & I are now so close I’m pretty sure if Mum had gone into a care home, which would have happened if I’d not moved in, as a crisis was looming, she’d have fought it tooth & nail & either been kicked straight back out or refused all meds & food etc. She is one determined woman & has a very strong selfish streak about getting her own way I figured moving down here wouId give me some control ( how wrong was I), but not moving wouId have meant working full time & spending my weekends driving & visiting her, while sofa surfing around friends. The options weren’t exactly great I try not to think too long on what I’d do now, with what I know, if the decision had to be made today. I can’t be sure it wouId be the same one.