Can I ... Should I?

[Slugsta]

@kindred, it doesn't matter if it is your need to be useful that is driving you to start the carers' group. The carers will benefit and not give a jot what you reasons are!

There was a conversation, over on AnnMac's thread, about items that are precious to us being damaged by people who do not hold them in such regard. Whatever the reason for that 'failure', it still hurts when something precious is damaged

 

[Margi29]

I think brother is so much more in touch with my reality now, he did a week & was exhausted. He did 4-6 hours a day, so hardly my work day, but he wanted to strangle her on a regular basis

I phoned to scream about Mum on Sunday, I opened the call with “I need to rant”. His reply “what’s she done now”, so I think he understands

You do know it wouId most likely be “have Mum will travel”. I might leave her behind & do a midnight flit @Margi29

Your lovely mum is welcome also anytime at mine. We both know how well behaved they both can be i.e. Hostess mode forget escaping on a midnight flit lol. I would be with you

Sorry I forgot it was you who said about forgetting and leaving care to family, ( in the eyes of ss ) just pop file away, their fine

The weather has been lovely today, I need to start looking at some summer plants now, please don't exhaust yourself in the garden x

Ps at least after the responsibility of your mum when you were away, the penny has dropped with your brother that you need to rant every so often, and he can be supportive, if only over phone.
It's quite regular around here for me to rant lol.

 

[Sam Luvit]

So far @canary mum has switched to nurse mode if I’ve been ill. Not sympathetic, just practical & letting me rest. I have to be feeling very rough though, as I come down to a disaster of her “tidying”

I’ve been in pain today, unable to block it out, so I’ve chilled around the house. Chilled being the operative word lol. I walked pooch in shorts & a vest top, that’s changed to thick joggers, thick socks & a fleece as the days progressed.

 

[Sam Luvit]

I’ve been the blubbering wreck :-(. It just got on top of me. You are not ridiculous, you are tired & stressed & trying to do everything, probably with little or no support. Take any help offered, even if you don’t think you need it @Mudgee Joy

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @kindred

I managed to get something done with Poppet (MH) today The 3 people who are friends of the family of many years, who promised to help, have all failed to turn up. Karma is a wonderful thing I helped a stranger paint a room, she offered her boyfriend & tonight he came round, pumped the tyres up & got Poppet started. I say, got her started, she actually fired up first time He’s going to drive her to her MOT for me too.

This means I really could park up down the road & pretend I’m on holiday It also means I might get to visit those driveways of various TP members who foolishly offered months ago ... can’t promise I won’t “forget” & drive off while Mum is enjoying the hospitality

It feels like a million years ago, but was definitely before mums stroke, I looked into the possibility of setting up some sort of club for early stages Alzheimers. If you are going to try with your local church, the research I did showed me that things like indoor bowls, armchair dancing, gentle keep fit etc were the sort of thing that might be of interest. In early stages, a mixture of lonely pensioners who want to get out, wouId be appropriate to join in too. Just saying

 

[Sam Luvit]

Oh yes, I would if I met you ...

Thank you. I’ll expect you in 5 days then

 

[Sam Luvit]

Lol. Hostess mode at its finest @Margi29 Although Mum struggles with it a lot now. She just can’t. If she’s in a good mood, she’s fine, but no energy for her to try Hostess Mode if she’s in a foul mood. Not with anyone.

So, wouId that be you & me sneaking into Poppet while our mums catch up, then gunning her down the drive & going to see Rosy???

I enjoy the garden, although I’ve definately over done it. Knees, back, hips, all screaming at me. I took it easy today, so hope I’ll be better tomorrow

Brother was “ok” about my ranting on the phone pre holiday, but after he’d had her for a week of afternoons, he has been much more sympathetic lol. Little does he know, I’ve been asked if I fancy another break & if I can ... I’m going. He’s going to love me .

 

[Sam Luvit]

It sounds like the coffee morning went ok @Margi29 but obviously no getting that one past your Mum lol. She’s not ready yet, but if she goes for coffee she should make friends & when / if she needs it, at least it will be familiar.

Bet your brother is questioning whether or not you actually took her. Silly man lol

 

[kindred]

This sounds a really good idea @kindred , please let us know if local vicar likes the idea, I think it would be so good for carers to get together, if only to sound off about their particular circumstances or to be helped with advice on anything they should be entitled to , but not yet getting.( attendance allowance, council tax disregard etc... )

One thing that does happen at mums sheltered housing complex every alternative Monday is a quiz, questions are based on many things from the past, some quite basic ( although some are tricky questions)
Maybe a quiz in the church??? Or what about carers perhaps either looking after two at a time, then another day they have a break. A bit like sharing babysitting ( just an idea)

Let us know, I'm so glad I found this site, if only for my sanity

Ps I can so sympathise with you over broken items, it's ridiculous just how many things mum has broken. Don't even even get me started on the amount of Xmas trees we buy each December x

Oh thank you for this wonderfully helpful reply. I will certainly keep in touch on this one. Yes, my sanity has been saved by this precious site. What happens to the Christmas trees!!

 

[Margi29]

Oh thank you for this wonderfully helpful reply. I will certainly keep in touch on this one. Yes, my sanity has been saved by this precious site. What happens to the Christmas trees!!

Mum has been in sheltered housing flat for past 2 1/2 years. So various trees have been bought
Mum was putting them up in November sometimes, taking them down in December. Breaking them , cutting fairy lights off with scissors the actual time in, I think February this year, really got me was when I went round to mums and flat was decorated and ready for Xmas again !!!

The time that really made me laugh was when manager at the scheme saw mum at night using her fully lit Xmas tree as a feather duster, happily cleaning away, a scene of mrs browns boys ( program on tv ) sprang to mind

In this dementia journey, there's always a surprise awaiting round the corner

 

[Margi29]

It sounds like the coffee morning went ok @Margi29 but obviously no getting that one past your Mum lol. She’s not ready yet, but if she goes for coffee she should make friends & when / if she needs it, at least it will be familiar.

Bet your brother is questioning whether or not you actually took her. Silly man lol

I suspect he probably is do you think there is a chance he may put himself out and come over and take mum sometime for coffee morning ???? Oh no I forgot, silly me, he can't be bothered to take mum anywhere, only to the bank

 

[kindred]

Mum has been in sheltered housing flat for past 2 1/2 years. So various trees have been bought
Mum was putting them up in November sometimes, taking them down in December. Breaking them , cutting fairy lights off with scissors the actual time in, I think February this year, really got me was when I went round to mums and flat was decorated and ready for Xmas again !!!

The time that really made me laugh was when manager at the scheme saw mum at night using her fully lit Xmas tree as a feather duster, happily cleaning away, a scene of mrs browns boys ( program on tv ) sprang to mind

In this dementia journey, there's always a surprise awaiting round the corner

Oh my dear, I am so glad I asked! This is absolutely surreal and I hope you don't mind me laughing at it all. Thank you with all heart!

 

[Margi29]

Oh my dear, I am so glad I asked! This is absolutely surreal and I hope you don't mind me laughing at it all. Thank you with all heart!

No I don't mind you laughing at all if we didn't laugh through this horrendous journey, I'm afraid tears would never stop.

 

[Slugsta]

No I don't mind you laughing at all if we didn't laugh through this horrendous journey, I'm afraid tears would never stop.

Very true (((hugs)))

 

[kindred]

@kindred, it doesn't matter if it is your need to be useful that is driving you to start the carers' group. The carers will benefit and not give a jot what you reasons are!

There was a conversation, over on AnnMac's thread, about items that are precious to us being damaged by people who do not hold them in such regard. Whatever the reason for that 'failure', it still hurts when something precious is damaged

Thank you so much on both counts. I am hearing a lot of reasons against starting a carer group, but believe me, once I get my teeth in, I do not let go easily! THANK YOU.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Let me see @Margi29 ... the odds on your brother taking his Mum Mum out & putting his hand in his pockets... ummm I think they wouId be very long odds

I had to take Mum to the bank today, needed to transfer from capital account to working (bill paying) account. The bank are aware that I guide Mum & hold an LPA, but fir the time being, she does it, so they are ok. However, there was a lady at the machine next to Mum & she was obviously not at all happy with me telling Mum to transfer money & withdraw cash. I suspect she probably “reported” me when we left. I’d be happy if she did, as it might restore my faith in people actually doing anything

 

[Margi29]

Let me see @Margi29 ... the odds on your brother taking his Mum Mum out & putting his hand in his pockets... ummm I think they wouId be very long odds

I had to take Mum to the bank today, needed to transfer from capital account to working (bill paying) account. The bank are aware that I guide Mum & hold an LPA, but fir the time being, she does it, so they are ok. However, there was a lady at the machine next to Mum & she was obviously not at all happy with me telling Mum to transfer money & withdraw cash. I suspect she probably “reported” me when we left. I’d be happy if she did, as it might restore my faith in people actually doing anything

I still do all mums banking, unless someone else takes her ( brother) he is a fool though because I've had it in the past where mum has argued about her date of birth, as you know, remember Blackpool
Yes your right, restores faith in people, at the time I was hopping, but after calming down realised that the bank was just protecting mum

 

[kindred]

Hi @kindred

I managed to get something done with Poppet (MH) today The 3 people who are friends of the family of many years, who promised to help, have all failed to turn up. Karma is a wonderful thing I helped a stranger paint a room, she offered her boyfriend & tonight he came round, pumped the tyres up & got Poppet started. I say, got her started, she actually fired up first time He’s going to drive her to her MOT for me too.

This means I really could park up down the road & pretend I’m on holiday It also means I might get to visit those driveways of various TP members who foolishly offered months ago ... can’t promise I won’t “forget” & drive off while Mum is enjoying the hospitality

It feels like a million years ago, but was definitely before mums stroke, I looked into the possibility of setting up some sort of club for early stages Alzheimers. If you are going to try with your local church, the research I did showed me that things like indoor bowls, armchair dancing, gentle keep fit etc were the sort of thing that might be of interest. In early stages, a mixture of lonely pensioners who want to get out, wouId be appropriate to join in too. Just saying

Oh thank you, that is so lovely. Much food for thought. I love reading your post!

 

[Sam Luvit]

I remember Blackpool @Margi29 & yes, you were stressed over it, but at least the bank were trying to make sure your mum was ok.

I had visions of being pulled aside & not being able to transfer the cash so the carers could be paid

 

[Sam Luvit]

Aww thank you @kindred, it’s nice to hear that my waffling is helpful or entertaining. We all need a laugh & Mum certainly gives me a few ... along with a fair amount of stress lol