Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
Commiserations Sam.
Yesterday I planted the pea seedlings that I had germinated indoors and now my back is very sore - I shall have to be careful over the next few day.
OH is not coping very well with my reactions after his shenanigans and has come out with eczema all over his back which he is constantly scratching - blood all over the bedding, towels and clothing (sigh). Why is it that the times when we need a bit of space from our PWs is the very time when we have to give them more attention?
Yesterday I planted the pea seedlings that I had germinated indoors and now my back is very sore - I shall have to be careful over the next few day.
OH is not coping very well with my reactions after his shenanigans and has come out with eczema all over his back which he is constantly scratching - blood all over the bedding, towels and clothing (sigh). Why is it that the times when we need a bit of space from our PWs is the very time when we have to give them more attention?
Thank you, I so agree. We are left to struggle, there are no funds or will to confront the situation.In a fantasy world,I'd like all carers to be given a paid break away, either abroad or a lovely hotel near by them, the loved one looked after by someone who actually cares and not in it just for the pay. Every six to eight weeks would be very nice.
The reality is as someone said ( sorry can't remember who ) ss see family are looking after loved one, and hide that file in corner, ( PWD not problem) not a care in the world for the struggling all on this site have or had.
thank you so much. Ironically, I am a senior mental health professional and know the answer is to try short trips somewhere new, then longer, then different forms of transport etc etc. Ideally in the company of a therapist -but it's not that kind of world any longer!! It will go, I hope, as my health returns and the gradual realisation that I am not going home to find some awful trauma every time I leave the house however short a time. The damage Oh manage to inflict on the home, oh the damage ...
Oh please do, then tell us about it!Lol @canary I just told the Carer & left them to it. Mind you,I’d been moping & sorting for a few hours before she arrived so I wasn’t in the mood. Mum got stroppy, so I called out “I’m going for coffee” & went & hid lol
Mum spent most of the day asleep, I’ve weeded the garden, at least I feel like I’ve done something. I walked pooch this morning, but felt the need for more exercise so J & I walked to Tesco, I’ve hit 12,000 steps so far, so maybe I was just restless.
I often think of packing a picnic & parking up on the seafront, so far, I’ve only thought about doing it
Oh my dear, tears are always close to me, too. All sympathy.Hi @Sam and everyone
Thanks for reply - I took my OH yesterday - he likes to see the doctor -but I ended up crying and making myself look rediculous - they say tears are good - but not sure - he passed me the tissue box at least !! MJ
Well done for planting the lovely seedlings. What colour? I do know what you mean about having to give them extra attention when we need space. I think, like young children, they have this instinct for detecting carer preoccupation ..
Oh thank you, that is so lovely.One positive (it’s an improvement on yesterday) ... Mum is in a much better mood. We’ve just shared a night cap & I've tucked her in. I did say it was like my eldest, when I used to tell him it was bedtime as mummy was tired. She giggled
We’ve had laughs, giggles & even a hug.
It doesn’t take much
I wonder if anyone actually does that midnight flit ?I think brother is so much more in touch with my reality now, he did a week & was exhausted. He did 4-6 hours a day, so hardly my work day, but he wanted to strangle her on a regular basis
I phoned to scream about Mum on Sunday, I opened the call with “I need to rant”. His reply “what’s she done now”, so I think he understands
You do know it wouId most likely be “have Mum will travel”. I might leave her behind & do a midnight flit
This is lovely, full of grand ideas. It's a bit like the lets scheme we used tohave operate in our area, swapping skills and helpfulness. I know what you mean about the race against a clock. And oh yes about having useful skills and knowledge, of course we have. I've just offered our local vicar that I will run a local carers group at church if she likes the idea. I'm qualified to do that kind of thing, and what I would like is the church to provide sitters for the carers ... well you can but dream. I will let you know if it comes to fruition.I used to know a man that can @kindred ... I will have a chat & see if I can get that sticker. I don’t know what part of the world you are in, or what it wouId cost without knowing a man that can, but glass companies do manifestation (the proper word for the stickers on glass to show the ignorant not to walk through glass walls). It might be worth asking a local company if they can do it. That’s what I’m going to do
I find it hard to go out without a reason. I have to shop. But that’s a race against the clock, so I sort if know what you mean.
I have to grit my teeth & tell myself I am going out. I can’t so far make myself go out & wonder around the shops as I feel guilty, but I did join a web site (helpful peeps) which is for people to ask for or offer help for free. It’s how I ended up painting a room. It can be anything from painting a room / garden fence, to weeding to just about anything.
I agreed to help someone, we met, she seemed normal & we had a laugh while sanding walls & painting. I’ve done a fair bit of DIY so was comfortable with that. I’ve also helped out where 2 of the people helping had to be shown how to hold a brush, so it’s not about being an expert
Maybe you could take a look at something like that. I taught someone how to use a sewing machine, someone else wants to know about some software I’m familiar with. It’s about offering help with something you are comfortable with. I’ve even made a few friends through it & found dog walking company lol
Just thoughts or suggestions.
Although pre dementia seems a long time ago, we all still have knowledge that others may value
Yes, dementia turned me into a beggar, too! Thank you.It was me, it was me
Oh for a regular break, without the stress of begging & bullying cover for the privilege of going away. Yes please.
Oh yes, much sympathy. My OH tampered with EVERYTHING and broke it for good measure!Morning Sam, Margi and co.
I think I'd choose a weekend away from it. Not even actually away, but completely off duty. No calls, no worrying about whether he's tampered with the smoke alarms, or has tried to cook something, or whether he;s fallen again.. I can dream right?
It's going to be the great battle of the smoke alarms today. Apparently they keep going off at 3am. I don't know about that but they did go off last week. Called dad as per and he was just sat there listening to the alarms and chatting away. Went down, no fires - but worrying that dad didn't even seem perturbed. Well other than that they were noisy and disturbing his television time... *sigh*
Have the nice Fire Brigade man coming out this morning to check them all, reattach the under-sheet vibrating thingamijig that dad has seen fit to tamper with and hopefully persuade him that tampering with them is not a good idea.
Methinks it's going to be one of those days. I hope that all your days go well, and as hassle free as is possible in dementia-land x
At least the doctor now knows that you are not coping very well
((((((hugs))))))
They are edible peas, but they do also have pretty bicoloured pink/white flowers that dont look like the usual edible pea flowers. They are a heritage variety and OH used to be a custodian for them - growing them from seed and then saving some seeds each year to keep the variety going - and now Im doing it.
What a good idea - I do hope something comes of it
Hi @kindred - I like the sitters idea - I have gone, reluctantly, to a couple of “morning teas’ for the cared and carers - very hard to have any meaningful conversation as we all try to fill the space with small talk - the Royal wedding got a lot of time ! Still I think it’s worth trying ! You need , I think, good a good ratio of cared to carers. MJ
Thank you very much, that is so helpful. I will use my well trained mental health skills to get and support a conversation in the group. You have flagged up an important point - people need somewhere to go and unwind and make small social talk: so is it my own need to lead a meaningful carers' group that's driving this? OOOo food for thought here. Humph, need to think about this, thank you very much indeed!! Hole in my thinking here.
This sounds a really good idea @kindred , please let us know if local vicar likes the idea, I think it would be so good for carers to get together, if only to sound off about their particular circumstances or to be helped with advice on anything they should be entitled to , but not yet getting.( attendance allowance, council tax disregard etc... )
One thing that does happen at mums sheltered housing complex every alternative Monday is a quiz, questions are based on many things from the past, some quite basic ( although some are tricky questions)
Maybe a quiz in the church??? Or what about carers perhaps either looking after two at a time, then another day they have a break. A bit like sharing babysitting
( just an idea)Let us know, I'm so glad I found this site, if only for my sanity
Ps I can so sympathise with you over broken items, it's ridiculous just how many things mum has broken. Don't even even get me started on the amount of Xmas trees we buy each December x
Last edited:
Hi all
Well my sister took Margi for the ' coffee morning ' at the lovely care home ( the one we like, and in the future...)
My sister " mum, this is my friend T, she works here, so we are popping in for coffee "
They had coffee, cake and a good chat with manager T ( so manager could assess mum )
Mum " I hope your NOT planning on putting me in here, because I'm not going "
Fair play mum, is all I could think, she's not at the moment really ready for this next step
Bless my mum, brother rang her later today and asked if she had been anywhere, she said " no, I've not seen a soul " so obviously it's either she's completely forgotten or hopes us lot have forgotten lol.
Well my sister took Margi for the ' coffee morning ' at the lovely care home ( the one we like, and in the future...)
My sister " mum, this is my friend T, she works here, so we are popping in for coffee "
They had coffee, cake and a good chat with manager T ( so manager could assess mum )
Mum " I hope your NOT planning on putting me in here, because I'm not going "
Fair play mum, is all I could think, she's not at the moment really ready for this next step
Bless my mum, brother rang her later today and asked if she had been anywhere, she said " no, I've not seen a soul " so obviously it's either she's completely forgotten or hopes us lot have forgotten lol.
