Can I ... Should I?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sam Luvit, Oct 26, 2016.

  1. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    Evening @Slugsta

    I did get frustrated each time I came back from answering the phone, putting out rubbish, stripping the bed etc, but I managed to walk away. I think the sunshine helped me keep my cool lol

    It was bright & sunny here till about 15.00, it’s gradually clouded over & I'm now wearing a fleece :eek:
     
  2. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    Me too. Can we have another tomorrow please :p Not that I’m greedy or anything :rolleyes:
     
  3. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,177
    Yorkshire
    Hi all

    Well all I can say is looking at care homes is NOT the best day , especially with a brother, who I sense would gladly pop my lovely mum in anywhere, just to get rid and have no more responsibilities of driving over to look after her 6 nights a month :mad: hopping mad !!!!!
    I've told him in no uncertain terms that mum is not at the stage of needing care 24 / 7 at the moment.
    He's told me he's not prepared to keep this up !!! ( he's retired, doesn't actually do much when he's home)
    Maybe I can stretch him coming up to Xmas, then I think that will be the end of his input.

    So costs wise, absolutely beautiful one ( this is my choice) £800 to £1,200. Per week. It's a lovely place, clean, well run, lots of activities for residents.
    The other one was more of a family run place ( staff have worked there between 20 and thirty years) clean enough, in fact I know someone who was in there and family sang the praises of here. Between £550 and £600 per week.
    Next week brother over again to view three more with sister and me ( can't wait NOT )

    My mum is ok during day, she showers herself, not incontinent, we do her shopping, make sure she's clean clothes, meals made, medication given etc.... plenty of family visits are made. Mum is taken out for meals and likes to go to park with us now weather is a bit better. She doesn't wander at moment during day, it's nights that she's at her worst.

    I just feel so sad, I know it's coming one day, but......
    It's not fair, I blinking hate dementia !!!!!!!

    One fed up BK
     
  4. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    Hi @rosy18

    There are times when I get so wound up by the little things, but I’m managing to laugh this week o_O Mum denies she has done anything, usually she says it’s me, she’s even started telling me my memory is really bad :eek:

    We are expecting rain all weekend :( I might curl up in front of the TV & try to pretend everything is fine ;)
     
  5. gotanybiscuits?

    gotanybiscuits? Registered User

    Jan 8, 2017
    644
    Male
    the beautiful south
    I've just caught up re- your washing up story :cool: Good tactic!!
    I won't bore you with the details of the shenanigans it causes here o_O:eek::rolleyes:

    And my source of frustration for the last week, or so, was merely finding all the blinds & curtains pulled each time the sun touched a window :rolleyes:
    Agreed that my room was not to be touched, but still managed 5x /day at least once :mad::mad:
     
  6. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    It does look as if the weather is on a downhill trend at the moment. OH and I are going up to London on Sunday for a couple of nights. The forecast isn't great but our planned activity is not weather-dependent.
     
  7. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    Chin up @Margi29, please try not to deck that brother of yours

    I don’t suppose he can see that not coming over will mean he has to pay out if his pocket for those 6 nights? If he tries to force your hand in getting your Mum in a CH, it might be worth thinking about having her officially assessed. If SS say she doesn’t need a CH yet, wouId he listen? I am, as ever, thinking out loud. Ignore me if it doesn’t help

    When I suggested letting your brother go ahead & view, I meant let him do it. Not that you wouId join him. That wasn’t the idea at all

    Sorry this has taken forever. This must be the 4th or 5th time I’ve tried to post something, but I keep being interrupted

    Blooming Carer arrived 10 minutes early. I told her she was eRly & we were still eating, but in she came & logged on :mad: I refused to hurry Mum & made her wait. Honestly, it’s no blooming fun trying to cook & have finished eating in an hour (allowing fir mums blasted soaps!!) :mad:

    I’m not sure if I hate dementia or inconsiderate carers more right now :mad::mad::mad:
     
  8. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    Hi @gotanybiscuits?

    Good to see you again :)

    Oh I do get the curtain thing. I must ask Mum to leave one of them alone every day (it gets caught & I have to climb on the sofa to pull it otherwise), but she won’t listen. I so feel your pain.

    I have one drawer in the office that is my personal private things. Mum keeps pulling things out. I found my will on the dinning table when I got back off holiday. Not happy. Naturally, she said ... “it wasn’t me” grrrrrr
     
  9. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    4,234
    USA
    If only it were easy to put dementia proof locks on the drawers, doors, curtains, blinds, washing up bowls, and so on!

    I would be tempted to put a lock on my bedroom door, though, I won't lie.

    Yes, mountains of faxing and paperwork filing today. I guess I'm working next week as well? They really don't know (and so I definitely don't know) what is going on. A little extra pocket money never hurts!
     
  10. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    On the upside ... it improves from Monday :). Hope that’s right & you get sunshine :)
     
  11. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    I refused the bedroom lock @Amy in the US, don’t know why, but it just felt a step too far. Maybe one day, but not today.

    I hope that if you are needed, you enjoy & if not you can feel you were needed & can now relax.

    I’m going to be looking for my next project to get me out of the house ... no money required ... though it would be nice :)
     
  12. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Sam, could you put a lock on the drawer, if you are not ready for one on your bedroom door?

    After your comment I have looked at the weather forecast again. It seems that the best day will be Tuesday, which will be great for sitting in the car for several hours . . .
     
  13. jugglingmum

    jugglingmum Registered User

    Jan 5, 2014
    4,320
    Female
    Chester
    Sam - hope all is well, as you've not posted for a few days.
     
  14. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    Morning

    Ugg what a few days. I’ve been cast back into “horrid” daughter mode. Mums favourite phrase being “oh, you are always right” along with comments on my weight, time to cut out the sugar, reduce drinking & the obligatory staring at my tummy.

    It’s been fun

    Yesterday the cast came off. Yippeeeeeeee.

    Smothered her arm in baby oil. Exercises in a bowl of warm water with baby oil, followed by smothering in Aqueous cream. Her scaley skin improved along with her mood. Thankfully. I’m not sure how much longer I could keep my temper :-(

    It’s blooming freezing today. Howling wind. Fingers crossed her mood is good.

    I was too strung out to even log in @jugglingmum, sorry lol.

    Presently waiting for yet another new Carer to get Mum sorted so I can hop in the shower & start the day. I do wish they wouId sort the promised “5 regular carers” so we could get some sort of routine going. It’s so blooming tiring explaining it all every few days to another new face :-(

    Oh well, more coffee required :)
     
  15. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Afternoon all,

    Sam, I am sorry that the past few days have been so awful :( and really hope that mum is in a better mood now that the cast is off her arm (((hugs)))

    We had a nice couple of days away and enjoyed meeting our son for dinner on Monday evening. Today is certainly cooler but the rain hasn't appeared yet - and it needn't feel obliged to show up if it doesn't want to . . .
     
  16. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    1,177
    Yorkshire
    Glad that cast is finally off. Hopefully weather will improve, cooler around here, though I've managed to wash and hang outside anything ( i.e. Curtains, quilts, winter coats etc.. ) while we had the lovely weather.
    I too would be miffed having to meet and explain the routine of mum with every new carer sent our way.
    Any chance you could maybe laminate on A4 the basic needs / requirements for your mum, in the morning and then one for the evening ??? Then just escape with pooch :)
     
  17. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    Hi @Slugsta

    Mum is in a better mood. I know she is bored & frustrated, but it’s hard dealing with her. She always was pretty self centred, but she is sooooo selfish these days I struggle.

    Good that you got away while the weather was nice, I’m well jealous of you getting to go to dinner with your son, I’m missing youngest something rotten right now. I’d just love to go see him for a weekend, but it feels impossible. Im going to have to figure something out. It’s been months since I’ve seen him :-(
     
  18. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    4,849
    East Sussex
    You & me both @Margi29, blooming cast off, but her arm is so bent & fingers so swollen. She just won’t follow instructions & I can see this being a long slog

    I have thought of doing a list & then leaving them to it, but they can’t seem to get it in their heads to use the key safe if I don’t open the door ???? Guess if they can’t open their eyes & see a red folder, I’ve littke chance if them seeing a list of instructions

    I’ll admit I also feel a bit mean leaving her to their mercy & going out & I’d feel very lazy staying in bed while they got her up lol
     
  19. rosy18

    rosy18 Registered User

    Jul 23, 2016
    1,242
    Female
    Blackpool
    Sam pleased the cast is finally off Lets' hope your Mum feels better now it's removed. Regarding the carers Sam I really would be having something to say to them it really isn't good enough to be sending different carers all the time when you were told it would be a team of 5. With Mum it's a team of 4 and the owner of the company does one visit a week to check how things are going. I really did lay the law down and said I wouldn' have more than four as it would upset Mum but then she is later stages but you shouldn' have to keep going through your Mums routine with them. When a new carer started with Mum she came on an introductory visit shadowing the main carer. It should all be to benefit both your Mum and you.
    Felt quite sad yesterday when one of Mums carers was here we were getting Mum off the commode and back onto her chair and without Mum knowing her wedding ring fell off due to the weight loss. I've put it with my Dads ring Mum doesn't know it's not there. This is the first time in 65 years Mum hasn't her wedding ring on as she has never taken it off her finger. I don't know whether to have it made smaller or just leave it with my Dads.
    Sounds like you had a really lovely time Slugsta spending some special time with your son.
    Sam get your brother to give you a couple of days off and go and spend some time with your youngest:)
    Weather a bit dull here today but not cold so hoping for some more sunshine.
    Well I'm now going to devour a packet of fruit pastilles Feel really naughty but I'm living dangerously :D
     
  20. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Morning all,

    Rosy, you certainly know how to live! :D

    Sam, I completely understand your frustration with the carers! They are supposed to be there to take some of the load from you, if you have to explain everything to new people all the time it is not satisfactory. Of course, we know that things happen and people take holidays, go off sick etc, but the agency really should have found you a core group of regulars by now :mad:

    I also understand that you are missing your son :( We have seen a bit more of ours recently, since his latest relationship broke up at Christmas, but I know that won't last for ever, so I am making the most of seeing him when I can. It does sound as if Bro needs to step up for a coupe of days so that you can spend some quality time with your youngest.

    Mum had a very mis-shapen wrist after her fracture but she didn't seem to get any pain from it, so we were relatively happy. Of course, she soon forgot all about it anyway (especially after we took the splint away, cos she was putting it on when she saw it there, rather than because she needed it). I hope your mum will have a similar outcome.

    Our rain arrived yesterday, just after I said that it was still dry - I really should know better! We were supposed to be playing cribbage yesterday evening but I said I was too tired to go. OH was disappointed but CBA to go on his own, so that was up to him.

    No TM today, so I am having quiet day.

    (((hugs))) to all
     

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