Can I ... Should I?

[jugglingmum]

The locked box as @jugglingmum said maybe the only way

But only if it is somewhere that it can't be found and destroyed to get into it - I was thinking of this more for the will and other vital paperwork.

Is there somewhere in house she won't go? I'm guessing not - thinking you said she won't use downstairs toilet - so anywhere in there. Need a safe under a rug like you see on detective programmes type of thing

 

[love.dad.but..]

I bought a large enough ...so dad couldn't easily hide it without me seeing it... sturdy enough box and bought a padlock. Which he tried to fiddle with but lost interest each time as he couldn't work out how to get into it and he moved it a few times but I easily found the places he had moved it to. I also put it on top at the back of a wardrobe where he didn't discover. Put his meds eye in and everything kept safe....so long as I didn't lose the key but I put it on my car keys so always had those safe. Reminds me I also had to hide my handbag otherwise dad would be taking stuff out when my back was turned. Actually thinking about it...I had to hide a lot of things!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Oh, reply to member not working :-(

That's not sounding good!!!

Ooohhh. I’ve managed to get back into TP, only been able to read but not post all day :-(

 

[Sam Luvit]

Lol @jugglingmum i love to wind them up, the accident ones are my favourite, I act all surprised that they can hear me, after all,I did die in the accident

 

[Sam Luvit]

I’m thinking about places to hide the meds @Margi29, the trouble is the angst I’m getting over them. Mum is pretty full on about doing them & just me putting them out is causing grief

She’s already going through my paperwork, goes in my room (that really irritates), she doesn’t see why she should respect my privacy & yes, she would empty out laundry etc.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Actually @jugglingmum you may have hit on a good hiding place. She hates the downstairs loo. I’d have to be careful about getting meds, as she wouId catch on the where I’ve been to reappear with them

I’ll see if J has an empty soap box or something that I can hide them in

Thank you

 

[Norfolk Cherry]

I'm the same as Slugsta and Amy, I don't live with mum, I live 10" away and pop in and out, the carers do the rest. I would feel exactly the same as you Sam if I lived with her. I just couldn't do it. She sucks the energy out of me in just a couple of hours. Mum washes her clothes in the washing machine all the time. Everything fades and looks old because it's been through the washer so many times. Lots of pants and socks on the radiators too, weird?! There was a chucking out phase, once I found all the family photos, all my baby photos and pictures of dad in the bin? That was when I stopped going along with everything I think.
Good luck Sam with the counselling, I'm trying to use journaling to work out what happened when I was young. On my facebook, I'm in a group called "my horrid parent", which gives you links to research and basically makes you realise we are not the only ones with conflicting feelings and difficult relationships. I'm trying a thing where I remember things that were said and done which made me feel bad and writing them down exactly as said, and doing the same for the positives? I do it on a word document so I can keep adding to it. But I agree, it's a Pandoras box, it's going to hurt all over again. Sounds like you are ready for another night out Sam, in fact I think we all are!.

 

[Slugsta]

Evening all,

Sam, I am glad that everything is OK with your wrist but sorry that your mum has need of another POP (plaster of paris) I'm sure the frustration over not being able to do things must make her even harder to live with

I don't envy you the battle over the meds. Mum 'seemed' to be coping with hers, but then I realised that 4 blister packs (ie 4 weeks supply) might be gone in 2 weeks or last for 6 or even 7 We were lucky that she didn't seem to object to me locking them away and the carers giving them twice a day, so I put them into a 'cash box' in a kitchen cupboard and the key was kept in the keysafe, along with the door key).

The weather has been so changeable here. After several nice days this time last week, my summer dress has been put away and my boots pressed into action again

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @love.dad.but..

I’m going to just move the meds out of sight, although if I’m not in when they are delivered, I can see that being an issue as Mum will then hide those. Oh it’s never easy is it

My mother is a very stubborn determined tantrum filled toddler

 

[Norfolk Cherry]

Apologies all, I think I've got my threads mixed up and my post above was in response to a conversation you were all having a while back? eeek, I promise I'm not the one with dementia here (as far as I know?) Just ignore me, I don't know what I'm doing half the time, it's been a long day with mum!

 

[Sam Luvit]

Hi @Norfolk Cherry

Pre stroke I was fighting with Mum over her doing 2 loads of washing every day. One coloured & one white (that was 1-2 pairs of knickers & a vest!). Now I’m doing her washing, so I’m doing a load every other day, as I’m stripping the bed at least twice a week, she’s moaning like crazy that I’m always washing her things? I left it for 3 days last week & she was moaning that she had nothing to wear ? It’s driving me nuts. As for pulling things out the laundry bag & washing a pair of knickers & socks, that just baffled me.

I check the bins & charity bags all the time. I’ve found photos of me, in fact most things wouId be either of me or mine. It upsets me at times, but I keep saying it’s the disease. Not that it helps when you are pulling out a photo

I hope you can think of positives. I struggle to find them from my childhood. So many hurtful things said & actions done. It’s why I try to box them away. The trouble is that now, I’m getting a fair few hurtful things again & I'm struggling to hang onto the few years we actually got on.

A good night out wouId be great. Meanwhile, back in reality, I have dinner to serve & pooch to walk.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Apologies all, I think I've got my threads mixed up and my post above was in response to a conversation you were all having a while back? eeek, I promise I'm not the one with dementia here (as far as I know?) Just ignore me, I don't know what I'm doing half the time, it's been a long day with mum!

It made perfect sense to me ... maybe I’ve got it too

 

[Slugsta]

Norfolk Cherry, I think part of the problem is that this thread moves quite quickly. I sometimes write a message in response to something that has been said, then decide not to post it as the conversation has moved on!

 

[nitram]

I think part of the problem is that this thread moves quite quickly.

@Norfolk Cherry

Also check that you are viewing the last page in the thread.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Norfolk Cherry, I think part of the problem is that this thread moves quite quickly. I sometimes write a message in response to something that has been said, then decide not to post it as the conversation has moved on!

If it’s moved on a bit, leave a bit of the original post so we can see what you are referring to.

@Slugsta dont sorry about it having moved on, the amount of rubbish I download to keep (!) me sane, I could talk to myself all night long. It’s nice to read another perspective

 

[jugglingmum]

Apologies all, I think I've got my threads mixed up and my post above was in response to a conversation you were all having a while back? eeek, I promise I'm not the one with dementia here (as far as I know?) Just ignore me, I don't know what I'm doing half the time, it's been a long day with mum!

It still made sense - I replied late as well to the same bits.

 

[Sam Luvit]

Friday was not a good Dady :-(

I’ve been making myself go out most days, helping a friend or meeting for a coffee, I’ve just said I’m going out. Mum is not impressed at being left for an hour or two, but in fairness she’s generally dozing or watching some rubbish on the TV

Last night she flipped out. Telling me I never cook for her Apparently I just cook things I like & she fed up of it. I only buy things for me & there is nothing in the house for her

So the cream cakes, chocolate biscuits, chocolate bars, sweets, milk drinks etc etc etc just don’t count. The meals for the last 5 weeks which can be eaten with just a fork or fingers were for my benefit

I walked out & went shopping. Cooked salmon & made a potato salad & plonked it in front of her.

She then turned on the waterworks & it all came out. She’d seen some of the things I’d had delivered, didn’t know what they were so decided they were all for me. She apologised & wants us to be friends

This misunderstanding, making assumptions (that I’m wrong) followed by tears is really wearing me down

Big brother got one of my “I can’t stand this” phone calls from me. Bless him, he just soaked it up & let me rant.

Let’s hope today is better. Especially as I was still awake at 04.00 this morning & im feeling like a wet dishcloth

 

[love.dad.but..]

I wasn't able to go out and leave dad on his own and although he couldn't articulate as well as your mum I just developed an even thicker water of a duck's back skin and a selective deaf ear as part of my coping mechanisms and if dad started going off on one I usually said a short sentence that did not require a response and left the room...otherwise I would have been a blubbing wreck all the time rather than just now and again. Hope today is better. Perhaps instead of making sympathetic noises to you on the phone brother could come round for an hour or two

 

[Slugsta]

Afternoon all,

Sam, I'm sorry that yesterday was such a bad day and really hope things are calmer today. It is interesting that your mum has the insight and vocabulary to explain why she got upset about the food - in an academic way, that is, I appreciate that it makes no difference to how you feel when you have been shouted at again

 

[gotanybiscuits?]

Hope you've had a better day today, Sam.
I've ended up "having words" with Dad, at bedtime, a couple of times this week.
Such a relief that he's forgotten it all, the next morning.