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Can I ... Should I?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Sam Luvit, Oct 26, 2016.

  1. nitram

    nitram Registered User

    Apr 6, 2011
    North Manchester
    Also a valve

    Please accept a free window sticker


    PS Copyright not checked!!
  2. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    On my way, or do I need to shower & pack first :eek:
  3. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    I’ve so got to get that sticker for her

    I’ve also seen “on an adventure before dementia”, but would need to add “too late ... it’s here”
  4. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Woohoo! Welcome home Poppet :) Sam, I do hope you find driving her much easier than you fear.
  5. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    Evening @Slugsta, I didn’t get to drive her today, by the time I’d struggled along the seafront with pooch, met lots of people & dogs he wanted to play with, then limped home, I was running out of time. So I decided it would be better to take mums hand & give her the guided tour, slowly

    Mum has now climbed in through the drivers side (no problem), sat on her bed, been shown shower, loo & storage. Moved through to the travelling seats, (4), with seatbelts, table between so we can sit & eat while looking out the window, discussed that pooch will be sitting there, in harness while driving & she could sit with him if she wanted to. She climbed out the habitation door, so now knows she can do it all

    Mum is impressed. I got hugs

    I’m volunteering tomorrow, so I’ll try driving Poppet on Friday (I’m not really putting it off, just trying not to pressure myself)

  6. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    Honestly. You try to do a nice thing & then it goes wrong.

    I was hammering off tiles, very hard going, for P, she’s feeling very under the weather, so I invited her to dinner. I thought I’d do something tasty

    It’s a bit of a faff of a recipe, but Mum was feeling helpful. So I had her stirring the cheese sauce while I sorted the rest. I’ve got the pan on to heat, pancake mix is ready & I sprinkled in the cheese. Brand new, just opened packet of cheese. Up bubbled blue lumps. Unbelievable, the cheese was mouldy

    Mum ran away to the lounge

    So. Dump the cheese sauce, clean the pan & start again. No way can I cook pancakes & cover with sauce & roll them while making cheese sauce, so that pan went off. Dinner was slightly delayed

    We eventually sat down to stuffed pancakes in cheese sauce. It was lovely, but I’m exhausted now

    To add to my usual Thursday I’ve now got to detour to Tesco, complete with the remains of a mouldy pack of cheese & have a moan. Cheese, milk, butter, cornflour all in the bin. What a waste. I’d made 2 pints of sauce, so it was lucky I had enough of everything & spare cheese to make it again. I do hope they don’t make a fuss. I’ve not the energy to make a fuss myself
  7. LadyA

    LadyA Volunteer Host

    Oct 19, 2009
    Bummer. They don't usually make a fuss. I brought back an unopened pack of those "part-baked" baguettes once that had some dead moths plastered to the outside of the baguettes! The Assistant's face was a picture, as she said "I wouldn't say you want a replacement, do you?" :D
  8. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    I did once pull a chicken out the fridge (purchased that day) & open it ready to start Sunday dinner. I gagged at the stench & the chicken went out the back door.

    I placed chicken in 3 bags to cover the smell, it was that bad.

    We had egg & chips for dinner :-(

    Took it back in the morning, placed bag carefully on the counter & asked her to open it, while I took several steps back

    I got a refund, plus a the value of the chicken

    I had more energy then & it was just the chicken

    This time, I’ve no fight left. It was the cheese that was mouldy, but I threw away milk, cornflour & butter. Al, of which is twice the price of “normal” stuff. I was refunds for it all.
  9. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    What an absolute PITA for you Sam! As you say, your special milk, butter etc is all more expensive than the normal stuff so I am not surprised you want refunds for it all. I am sure that Tesco won't quibble about the cheese but confess I am unsure about the rest. I hope you get what you went/deserve without having to use up too many resources (((hugs))).

    On a positive note, I am really glad that your mum has checked out Poppet and can manage to get in and out without problems :)
  10. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    Well done Tesco, I showed the nice man a photo of my sauce & gave him the cheese that was left. He refunded milk, cheese & cornflour :)

    As I was there, I found a reduced (£1.25) bunch of flowers for Mum & bought ingredients for ham & mushroom tagliatelle... guess what’s for dinner :)

    Yes, @Slugsta, I’m pleased Mum got in & out ok. She was surprised it wasn’t that cold inside (with no heating in), so that’s another positive :)

    Apparently I’m going to have a “job review assessment” next week for my volunteering, I used to stress about those at “work”, but it’s not like a pay rise or promotion is on the cards lol
  11. rosy18

    rosy18 Registered User

    Jul 23, 2016
    Slugsta hope your hubby is feeling better

    Sam like I said in my text help is inevitably needed and although I have to admit to it feeling sometimes intrusive it is now just a necessity, even though Mum sleeps most of the time......apart from the dreaded toilet visits....having a carer here gives me chance to do things at home without holding the baby video monitor in one hand as I push the Hoover around in the other lol. Mum has now got used to the carers as well and will sit and have her garballed chat with them. Mum can no longer have a proper conversation and understands little of what is said but initially Mum hated anyone else in the house.
    The cleaner option sounds good let' hope she's better than the last one :eek:

    Margi had to laugh about the tea caddy :D

    Hope everyone is managing to keep warm freezing cold here but so far now snow thankfully hate the thoughts of slipping.....must be getting old:(
  12. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    Just going to bed & heard banging next door, poor J was locked out . So, over she came to be in the warm. She’s phoned & texted, but no reply. I’ve made up the bed in the lounge, 2 drinks later she got a response & has staggered off to her bed

    Bless her
  13. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    Wouldn’t post, then duplicate post :-(
  14. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    thanks @rosy18 , I needed the chat, it just helps somehow

    I need to get things in place, I sort of know that, I just need to get it done.

    Can the new cleaner be any worse than the last one???? That is not a challenge
  15. Amy in the US

    Amy in the US Registered User

    Feb 28, 2015
    Low standards indeed, Sam! Or, nowhere to go, but up!
  16. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User

    Afternoon all,

    Rosy, I am so glad that your mum is now accepting the carers. You really do need some additional input rather than continuing to do everything yourself (((hugs)))

    Sam, you are a star! I bet that J was so glad that you were still up and heard her. Glad that she eventually managed to get in. How lovely to have a neighbour like you.

    We used to be friendlyish with our neighbours in our last house. We had been there for 29 years but had rarely been inside the other houses. We did have neighbours round for a Christmas drink a couple of times and everyone seemed to enjoy it. We had hoped that these 6 flats in our block would be a little community but, although happy enough to say 'Hello', there does not seem to be any interest. When had just moved in, met people and suggested we invite everyone round for a cuppa we were told 'We don't really do that here' :(

    I am not feeling Christmassy at all (I suppose that is hardly surprising) but my SIL's amateur orchestra have a Christmas concert in Wimborne Minster this evening, so I am hoping that will help get me in the right frame of mind. We also have a few choir gigs over the next couple of weeks, so I might get there eventually. Of course, not having any decorations doesn't help!

    It is cold here but we usually avoid the worst of the weather. Hoping that everyone else is safe and warm.
  17. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    My standards are on the floor right now lol. I don’t care if I have to teach her how to mop a floor, it’s goung to be better than mums attempts ( wet flood of smeared dust :-( )
  18. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    Hi @Slugsta

    J was very lucky, 10 minutes later & she’d have been standing in the cold, as I was clearing up to go to bed, I suffered today as I’m so tired, but glad she wasn’t freezing her toosh off

    I’m really only repaying her kindness & thoughfulness over the last few years I was living away, as she would often pop in for a cup of tea if she’d not seen Mum or dad around, to check they were ok. She’s a darling

    This was always friendly here, but in a say hello way, not a visiting for tea way. Dad read an article about someone nit being found till 3 weeks after the6 has died in London & was complaining about the breakdown in community spirit. I’m a “doer”rather than a moaner, so I told him to do something to make it better

    I did an invite, printed off a lot of copies & posted through everyone’s door, “come meet your neighbours” with date & time. About 50% came & the others replied. It’s become a thing now, with lots of the neighbours having BBQ’s, tea parties or Christmas drinks, inviting others to join in. Maybe not now, but perhaps a post New Year drink evening could intriduce you to your new neighbours. You never know, it could be fun

    I’ve yet to get in the mood, but I’ve a few weeks to get there. I can’t see me going in the lift this week for the decorations, but maybe next week :)
  19. Sam Luvit

    Sam Luvit Registered User

    Oct 19, 2016
    East Sussex
    Tis the season to be jolly, unless you’re my mum, then it’s the season to be sad

    We started the day with ...”I don’t want to be here, I should be dead”, this went onto “I’ve decided about my funeral, I’m not having one, just have a wake”

    I’ve hugged, joked, cajoled & teased. I said big brother was coming round “why? Doesn’t he have anything better to do?” We agreed, Mum is just terribly sad

    I know she’s early stages, she does her own personal care, she can make a cup of tea etc, but she can’t do so much. She can’t make a hot chocolate she wants to drink, she can’t walk far, she can’t dance. She gets so tired. She sleeps a lot. She’s just fed up.

    I feel so sad for her. She’s always been on the go, doing things, rushing around, being busy. In the 60’s she was bored, not a lady that lunches type, so she started a business, built it up & then sold it when they moved. She did it again in the next place & again sold that one. She’s been a go getter. Now she’s a tired old lady & bored.

    I wouldn't see a dog as miserable as she is. Blooming cruel disease. I’m with @Margi29 i hate Dementia
  20. Margi29

    Margi29 Registered User

    Oct 31, 2016
    Hi all

    Yes @Sam Luvit still hating this disease with a vengeance.
    Fingers crossed that new cleaner is a blessing for you both, she could turn out to be a diamond x
    Exciting times are ahead for you with Poppet, enjoy :)

    Yes @rosy18, was in the kitchen at mums, needed to refill the tea bag container up, reached up to top of cupboard and hay presto !!! In spare box of tea bags were the books, I actually smiled and said " I love you mum " it's the random things, they throw a curve ball at me :oops: sorry to hear more help is now needed with your lovely mum. Please get as much help as possible, not just for your mum but you too x

    Thinking of you @Slugsta , anyone who's lost a loved one will totally understand you not feeling festive, it's hard
    Hope you enjoyed the concert, hopefully I will be able to take mum Xmas eve to church for the nativity.

    Well for the last three or four weeks it's become obvious that mum has taken a downturn in the disease.
    Started around November when mum needed me down at flat, manager said mum not well.
    Ended up with mum in ambulance and taken to A and E, she looked dreadful, I thought she had had some kind of stroke or seizure. On arrival mum made a remarkable recovery, doctors said they'd never seen such a good blood pressure and pulse in someone of 88 !! Then after hours in the hospital, mum brought back by me.
    Mum then told everyone she might have cancer !!! I could scream !!!

    Since then she does appear to be having small strokes, each week she gets worse. It used to each week mum was ' off it ' once or twice a week, now we are lucky if we see ' normal mum ' once a week. Terribly sad.

    Mum said dad has left her, thought her parents were still alive. Sometimes she can barely put her pjs on and very wobbly. My sister and myself are doing alternative nights at going to mums, she has been prescribed zopiclone, sometimes it works but sometimes not.....
    She's nasty about different people in buckets, she has been knocking on other people's doors in complex in the night, manager has said that anti social behaviour may cause her to have to leave !!

    So now mum will have someone with her each night.

    I hate dementia.

    Sending hugs to everyone x

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