Can I ... Should I?
- Thread starter Sam Luvit
- Start date
Hi Margi
Hope you had a fantastic time in Roma
Mum was exactly the same leading up to Liverpool, so much so that if I hadn't been picking you up, I may well have cancelled
I do hope your darling brother had a fab time with your mum. Let's hope there are no adverse effects from his stint
I just dropped my brother off fishing, he has been thinking & asked me if I thought that when mum has forgotten everything, if she would then be happy ???
Hope you had a fantastic time in Roma
Mum was exactly the same leading up to Liverpool, so much so that if I hadn't been picking you up, I may well have cancelled
I do hope your darling brother had a fab time with your mum
. Let's hope there are no adverse effects from his stint I just dropped my brother off fishing, he has been thinking & asked me if I thought that when mum has forgotten everything, if she would then be happy ???
Hi Sam, Just having a look at the tail end of your thread so apologies for just chipping in but the waiting room story brought back my own memories. The last time I was able to get dad to the surgery waitng room, he was sat next to me in silence as he would have done in those days (2 or 3 years ago) and the lady next door to me was the exact opposite and started giving me her life history. Dad made a loud comment about busy bodies or such like and she said to me -"What did he just say?" She had heard pefectly well. I fobbed her off with something vague and she starded going on about rude dummies with nothing to say for themselves. Anyway a few more uninhibited remarks passed on either side of me and I thought I was going to to have to referee pistols at dawn.
Slugsta let's hope your OH is right about Skycat.
So pleased your Mum is still taking food from you I don't know what I would do without chocolate cake and toast with lots of butter and a little jam I seem to be struggling with Mum to eat most other foods at present.
Does your Mum say Much?
So pleased your Mum is still taking food from you I don't know what I would do without chocolate cake and toast with lots of butter and a little jam I seem to be struggling with Mum to eat most other foods at present.
Does your Mum say Much?
Sam will try a singing day tomorrow if I can keep Mum awake long enough. Got up at 8. 30am and was asleep by 10.30 and Joan just in the end just sat and held Mums hand when she came she just couldn't be roused. Mums slept all day fed her a little soup at lunch whilst she kept her eyes closed and she ate half a slice of toast from Joan at 6pm with eyes still closed then in bed 6.30 and fast asleep.Mum seems so weak and fragile.
Mum was talking all last night absolute rubbish again with eyes closed went on from 11ish through to 7am this morning, just had to keep reassuring her and today any talk has been gibberish and she keeps calling out for her Mum, elder sister and me.
Still filling pads and there doesn't seem to be any let up
Mums just starting again with talking gibberish whilst eyes closed could be another long night.
I've a horrible feeling Mum has entered into a more critical stage.
Mum was talking all last night absolute rubbish again with eyes closed went on from 11ish through to 7am this morning, just had to keep reassuring her and today any talk has been gibberish and she keeps calling out for her Mum, elder sister and me.
Still filling pads and there doesn't seem to be any let up
Mums just starting again with talking gibberish whilst eyes closed could be another long night.
I've a horrible feeling Mum has entered into a more critical stage.
Evening all,
Rosy, I'm so sorry that your mum seems to have entered another phase of her disease No wonder she slept all day if she was talking all night. She will probably sleep again tomorrow - shame that you can't! (((hugs)))
Sam, I do wonder whether PWDs settle somewhat once they don't know what they don't know. Some people do seem much calmer - but, TBH, I suspect it is all rather 'hit and miss'. What has your mum's mood been like recently?
Welcome home Margi! I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, even though it was so very hot in Rome. I have never been and probably won't unless I somehow manage to increase my sitting tolerance. We are going on a med cruise next year but the journey from Civitavecchia to Rome is too far for me.
Mum was very slow again today, hardly any reaction from her. She managed to whisper 'yes' when offered chocolate (the 'please' has gone now) but didn't say anything else. She grimaced at one stage so I asked if she was in pain - but she just looked through me. The staff were going to give her some oramorph when I left.
Apart from being windy, today has been quite good, nice and warm out of the wind.
Rosy, I'm so sorry that your mum seems to have entered another phase of her disease
No wonder she slept all day if she was talking all night. She will probably sleep again tomorrow - shame that you can't! (((hugs)))Sam, I do wonder whether PWDs settle somewhat once they don't know what they don't know. Some people do seem much calmer - but, TBH, I suspect it is all rather 'hit and miss'. What has your mum's mood been like recently?
Welcome home Margi! I'm glad you enjoyed yourself, even though it was so very hot in Rome. I have never been and probably won't unless I somehow manage to increase my sitting tolerance. We are going on a med cruise next year but the journey from Civitavecchia to Rome is too far for me.
Mum was very slow again today, hardly any reaction from her. She managed to whisper 'yes' when offered chocolate (the 'please' has gone now) but didn't say anything else. She grimaced at one stage so I asked if she was in pain - but she just looked through me. The staff were going to give her some oramorph when I left.
Apart from being windy, today has been quite good, nice and warm out of the wind.
. Dad made a loud comment about busy bodies or such like and she said to me -"What did he just say?" ...... Anyway a few more uninhibited remarks passed on either side of me and I thought I was going to to have to referee pistols at dawn.
Hi Selina
Chip in any time, we're a friendly bunch in here
. Just don't make Margi laugh in a bar if you risk a spitzer facial Mum makes comments, but so far I've been able to ssshhhh her ... long may that continue
Hi Rosy
I think I'd be useless after 8 hours of talking at night, I don't know how you do it
. I do hope you both get some rest tonight We are all here for you sweetheart, at the end of the phone of you need me
Say "Hi" to your mum for me
Hi Slugsta
From the little I've seen, the films & various reading I've done, I think that the angry frustration of not being able to do things, like wring a mop or push a Hoover, seem to be replaced by an anxiety of lack of control, leading to needing people near to comfort. So, personally, I'm expecting to swop aggression caused by anxiety of inability for anxiety caused by lack of control
. It's just my view & based a fair bit on what I know if mums character pre Alz Mums moods do seem to follow a set pattern
, if I can catch the sign, I can at least ward off the worst, but I'm not always quick enough off the mark. Other times I'm tired & don't manage it well at allShe will have 1, 2 or even 3 days where she sleeps a lot & is generally less anxious, not happy, but not stressy or nasty. The day following this sleepy period is filled with anxiety & she will clean, weed, cut the grass, paint a fence, wash, mop floors ... with me trying to get her to slow down, take breaks, but it's like she's making up for being "lazy".
Nothing works. She gulps down a coffee & is off. She hoovered up a cake & is off
She can be very nasty & I have found I can only try & then walk away. Then try again.
Needless to say, she is then exhausted & very snappy. Everything is my fault & little calms her
The next day she continually complains of being sore & tired
If the weather is nice I try to get her into town, her mood improves, but she gets tired & it starts again
We've had the "poor little girl" act for the last 2 days & if I hadn't gone out today I'd have been locked up tonight
I'm expecting tomorrow to be "woe is me". She's tidied some of my things, but when I suggested she leaves my 8 pieces of printing, in a corner, barely visible & maybe tidied her own table with 3 books, glasses, 2 magazines, a neck pillow & whatever else, I got told "I live here too"
She's aware that she's mixing up,words, can't find the right one at times & it's frustrating her. It's almost like she's diverting the focus by asking me silly irritating questions when I'm quiet. I don't do talking for the sake of it, so asking how I am every time I walk in the room is driving me nuts
Sorry, bit of a moaning rant there
I hope the cruise is everything you want it to be. Dad used to say cruising suited mum, as she only had to make one decision a day, as she choose all her means at breakfast!!! Mind you, they did do a few
I'm glad your mum is still enjoying her chocolate, but sorry she is in pain again. It's got to be hard to see. I find the anxiety hard enough to cope with
Hope Skycat is still eating well & purring up a storm
Sam, you have got some excellent insights into what's going on. If only we could all be total saints, and always act on our insights, wouldn't that be good?!
Thank you LadyA, I do tend to try to analyse things
. Sometimes, when mum is calmer & in a good mood, she will make comments with insight into why. She has told me she gets cross because she is frustrated by not being able to do things I wish I had Rosy's patience, but I do try
. No saints here . If I could get better sleep, I could probably do better I do wish there was a bigger circle of friends for mum to see, I think that would be easier for both of us. I dread her friend D's passing. D is 12 years older than mum & not in the best of health
. I feel like her mum at times, trying to see who she could be friends with
Afternoon,
Sam, parenting our parents is hard. On one hand is sadness because it is needed, on the other is anxiety about making the right decisions. I will admit that I sometimes think of the way I was treated by mum and a bit of me feels that it would serve her right if I responded in kind (I don't though)
You clearly have some great insights into the way this disease affects your mum - but, like all of us, you are human and can only do what you can do (((hugs)))
We have had a thunderstorm here this afternoon, accompanied by torrential rain. I hope that is it for the weekend now!
Sam, parenting our parents is hard. On one hand is sadness because it is needed, on the other is anxiety about making the right decisions. I will admit that I sometimes think of the way I was treated by mum and a bit of me feels that it would serve her right if I responded in kind (I don't though)
You clearly have some great insights into the way this disease affects your mum - but, like all of us, you are human and can only do what you can do (((hugs)))
We have had a thunderstorm here this afternoon, accompanied by torrential rain. I hope that is it for the weekend now!
Hi Rosy
I think I'd be useless after 8 hours of talking at night, I don't know how you do it
We are all here for you sweetheart, at the end of the phone of you need me
Say "Hi" to your mum for me
Thanks Sam I'll give you a call tomorrow afternoon after our Priest has brought us communion and see if your in, if not will call later at night.
Mum slept bit better last night and has slept for most of day and is in bed fast asleep now. Still filling the pads
E our neighbour that you met came and had lunch today.We got Mum to eat some chocolate cake with double cream then she went back to sleep.
You cope very well with your Mum Sam sometimes earlier stages are more difficult than later when they rest and sleep more. There's no dementia manual that tells you how to cope and the fact that everybody is different it certainly doesn't make it any easier for us knowing what's happening and trying to preemt situations.
Hope you've both managed to sit in the garden today and relax been lovely here today although a little breezy
Afternoon,
Sam, parenting our parents is hard. On one hand is sadness because it is needed, on the other is anxiety about making the right decisions. I will admit that I sometimes think of the way I was treated by mum and a bit of me feels that it would serve her right if I responded in kind (I don't though)
You clearly have some great insights into the way this disease affects your mum - but, like all of us, you are human and can only do what you can do (((hugs)))
We have had a thunderstorm here this afternoon, accompanied by torrential rain. I hope that is it for the weekend now!
Hi Slugsta
That's it exactly, parenting our parents
. It's just not right. If she was just getting older, that would be different, but the anxiety, the tantrums & the ... oh just all of it I'm sorry to say, I understand your comment on treating her how she treated me
, but mostly I try to remember that we did build an adult relationship that was better. Pity that didn't happen till so late, but at least I have a few decent memories I get so frustrated when she does something really dumb
. Today it was pouring bleach in with floor cleaner, after I'd asked her not to. She just tells me to bu66er off then carries on. We had a 5 minute downpour, torrential, then an hour of sunshine, then 10 minutes of torrential rain & thunder. Now it's clear, but really cold. Naturally, as it was so nice & sunny this morning, I've done a potatoe salad. That's going to go down well with mum
Hey ho, she'll eat if she's hungry
If it's any consolation Sam my mum washed the dishes in bleach more than once. I had to wait until she was in bed to re wash them, but as it included cutlery and she'd put it way every knife, for etc had to be washed as I wasn't sure which had had the bleach treatment. X
Hi Rosy
At the moment, I've nothing on tomorrow afternoon. Lol. Watch that change
Good to hear your mum slept a bit better, hope she does again tonight. Sleep deprivation is a very effective torture. They do say babies only survive as they are cute .... can't say the same for my mum, she is not cute, she can be sweet sometimes, but never cute
I think there are similarities with Akz, but as you say, they won't follow a manual even figuring out where they are on the scale is hard, as she is some of different scales
I do wonder if early stages is harder, but although I want it to easier, I know that means I lose more of "mum" & it's hard enough now with her slipping back to her harsher self
It was nice this morning, but I was trying to stop mum mixing chemicals & not lose my rag, so I hid in the conservatory. When I thought about sitting in the sun, the heavens opened & it's been one of those days where it's not been hot enough for the garden, but too hot indoors
Maybe tomorrow.
At the moment, I've nothing on tomorrow afternoon. Lol. Watch that change
Good to hear your mum slept a bit better, hope she does again tonight. Sleep deprivation is a very effective torture. They do say babies only survive as they are cute .... can't say the same for my mum, she is not cute, she can be sweet sometimes, but never cute
I think there are similarities with Akz, but as you say, they won't follow a manual
even figuring out where they are on the scale is hard, as she is some of different scales I do wonder if early stages is harder, but although I want it to easier, I know that means I lose more of "mum" & it's hard enough now with her slipping back to her harsher self
It was nice this morning, but I was trying to stop mum mixing chemicals & not lose my rag, so I hid in the conservatory. When I thought about sitting in the sun, the heavens opened & it's been one of those days where it's not been hot enough for the garden, but too hot indoors
Maybe tomorrow.
Lol. Mum used to fill all cups & mugs with bleach & boiling water & leave them for an hour or so
If you didn't realise, you'd rinse a mug, make coffee, drink s bit, throw it away & have a coke instead. Cleaned out the system though!!
She's started doing this again, so every time I see it, I empty, rinse & put in the dishwasher. She is not happy, but I've said I don't need to get ill & neither does she
I regularly stick all the cutlery in the dishwasher as a precaution against her
We were late tonight, often happens when big brother joins us, but it is nice to see him
Anyway, mum decided she did want to watch TV & all I could see that wasn't 2 hours long, was a film called ATM
Unfortunately it was one of those that seems pointless, the kind that you watch & wonder what it should have been about. Too much theatrical silence & not enough story. Not the best choice for mum.
She must have said "wierd" 20 times, asked what it was about the same number. It was terribly simple really, a guy wanted to steal an ATM, but 3 people were in there & he couldn't.
She's gone to bed now, saying she will have nightmares. She'll be snoring in 10 minutes
I must remember to take very strong mints tomorrow if we go out. I did garlic chicken with potatoe salad, made with fresh onions
Anyway, mum decided she did want to watch TV & all I could see that wasn't 2 hours long, was a film called ATM
Unfortunately it was one of those that seems pointless, the kind that you watch & wonder what it should have been about. Too much theatrical silence & not enough story. Not the best choice for mum.
She must have said "wierd" 20 times, asked what it was about the same number. It was terribly simple really, a guy wanted to steal an ATM, but 3 people were in there & he couldn't.
She's gone to bed now, saying she will have nightmares. She'll be snoring in 10 minutes
I must remember to take very strong mints tomorrow if we go out. I did garlic chicken with potatoe salad, made with fresh onions
