Can I scream please?


Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
One heck of a week.....Poor Mum had a heart attack last weekend, described by the doctors as 'minor' but she was in hospital for three days (Dad then said he wanted to take her home and the doctor said Ok:( ) on a medical ward. No matter how much you emphasise that the patient has dementia 'they' don't seem to understand! Talked to the nurse in charge and said we had brought Mum's drugs and when she needed to take them, emphasised they wouldn't like the result if she didn't and they would probably needed to approach her more than once to get them down her. Did they? Did they heck!!!! So poor old love was hit and miss with the Haliperidol, Diclofenac and Paracetamol and had no Matazapine at night at all. very confused, in pain and extremely tired lady (after having a heart attack:mad: )who had no sleep, on the nurse's admission, for the two nights she was there. Plus they had inserted a canula into her hand when she was admitted, by the time we went up to the ward with her, she had begun to tug at it, so again spoke to the nurse and said if they weren't going to use it, it would be better removed. The nurse wrapped a bandage round it, didn't strapped it down with tape as we suggested, so guess what, seen with my own eyes on the nurse notes, Mum removed it herself......Arrgh! Whatever happened to the holistic approach, or is that only in fairy tales?:rolleyes: I wouldn't be so angry if only nursing staff and doctors wouldn't say to me 'oh, don't worry we're used to coping with this'. NO THEY ARE D**N WELL NOT, THEY HAVE NO IDEA !!!! Don't get me wrong the treatment for the heart attack, particularly the paramedic, ambulance service and A & E was absolutely first rate, but it doesn't take much to spot that Mum has fairly advanced dementia, so why oh why can the ward not take notice of what a relative tells them?.
Mum has slept most of the week away since coming home and appears to have had a very big down turn in her health/demeanor. Understandable, but it has me extremely worried, can't help thinking that we've lost more of her this week than for a while now.:(
Plus this was the week when Dad had said 'can you get time off to look at nursing homes with me'? So as Mum has not been to daycentre and the sitter wasn't available, I've done this on my own.:( Depressing, some of the places I wouldn't send my cats for a holiday, let alone my Mum. I suppose in one way though at least I can spare my Dad looking at the worst of them, there's got to be a silver lining somewhere...........
Sorry for the rant, feeling low, fed up, upset and want to shut the real world out for a while :(
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Registered User
Aug 9, 2005
Dear May,

You rant just as much as you feel like! Do you remember that film where everybody leant out their windows and yelled "I've had enough and I'm not going to take it anymore!!" - maybe you could try that?

Seriously though, it is very disheartening to have such poor care for someone who cannot be her own advocate. Hospital staff do a very great deal of good but sadly, they do become very patroninsing and dismissive (not all - but the majority IMHO) when others try and tell them things. I've noticed this in my own profession of teaching as well. No-one knows the child better than the parent but many teachers are reluctant to listen to parents for some reason.

Again IMHO it is crazy not to listen to those who know the most!! How else do you learn anything? You have every right to be fed up!

Here's hoping and wishing that things improve from now on, for your Mum and for you.
Warm thoughts, Nell.


Registered User
Sep 1, 2006
Hospitals & Dementia

Hi May, sorry to hear your experience re hospitals and your mum. Whilst they seem to treat the medical condition quite well, they do not have a lot of knowledge of how to deal with dementia patients or how to communicate with the carers (I think they think all elderly patients are like that). Mum has recently been in hospital and in casualty these young doctors would ask Mum such complicated questions and completely ignore me (her carer) and then mum would come out with such comical replies they were "forced" to talk to me. I think perhaps a bit more training for some professionals in this matter is needed. I have posted a "gripe" on another thread re professionals if you want to add your voice to this as well. I am hoping some professionals might see these. xxx sunny


Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
Hi May

Boy, you have every reason for a fit of the screaming hab-dabs!

How about sending a copy of the whole thread (which doesn't name names, or identify the hospital concerned) to your local Health Trust Mental Health Team. And the Hospital Manager. And the Hospital Social Worker. And the local MP. And your MEP.

PS: Sunny's excellent post is at
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Registered User
May 10, 2006
You scream your head off mate....

I went into our garden this morning and let out a big scream (my mum was up at 5am and was adamant that we'd missed the postman because we'd overslept... After going over and over this with her for about 2 hours I just had to vent).

I've learnt from experience that it's better to let these things out then let them build up.

I hope you get everything sorted out,

good luck,



Registered User
Aug 3, 2006
Taking control

Oh May, Your account is so true, I can't count the times we have been through the same hurt and pain with hospitals and nursing homes. Now I insist on being involved in anything to do with my wife. Last Tue she was rushed to A&E to be hooked up to machines, there was no way of keeping me out. I told the young lady Doctor the most important treatment was to her mind: reassuring and understanding her. That can only come from those closest to her. I also explained the only reason she was alive to-day was because I chose to take over full control of her care, after the treatment she required due to the damage caused (bed sores etc) through lack of understanding of Alzheimer's. Needless to say I removed her from hospital four hrs later. She is recovering fine now without any medication. I'm lucky I can care for her on my own, very few are in a position to. But why this needless inflicting hurt to both patient and carer through lack of understanding? I have long since given up on the system and try not to think of it. It is just plain stupid putting the carers health at risk. God bless Padraig


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Lynne is so right, you should let your local Health Board know what when on. I work for the NHS and it is very much a case of total lack of understanding of AD and related illness in General Medicine. But unless we all start shouting, and there is no point unless you go to the top, it will never change. I think I'm right in say during the 5 years of a doctors training, unless they specialise, they spend a scant 6 months in mental health, and thats across all areas. Not enough by any means, and its time for a change. Woops, on my soap box now.

We've just been through the 'find a good NH', its a depressing job, and I wished I had done it before it was really needed, having said that we have found a smashing place, just keeping all crossed it all goes to plan.
Take care of yourself.

Tender Face

Account Closed
Mar 14, 2006
NW England
May.. can't say much except to send you my sympathies for your situation... wish you well ... virtual hug and all that.... and next time you want to scream, remember you don't need to ask permission nicely!!!!!! From what I gather on a recent thread there's a virtual choir of screamers here behind you ... (I'm the one out of tune!:eek: )

On a more serious note ... yes, I have stopped believing in the fairy-tale that there is holistic care for dementia sufferers .... evidenced in my personal case (don't know if it happens in other Health Authorities) that mum's psycho-geriatrican operates on an 'Outreach' basis (with her secretary based at the local Mental Health Hospital) which does not have the inter-consultant communication that the main 'Hospital trust' (covering all things 'non-mental health') enjoys....

Medical notes between, say urologist and and chest consultant are shared on an 'Intranet' and I can go to any one consultant with mum and be told the most recent results of tests requested by another.... yet if I hadn't accompanied mum to various appointments, none of these would have known in detail of her 'memory problems' absolutely no communication between 'mental health' and 'physical health' .....unless the carer steps in... how appalling is that?????

Just want to send some virtual love and luck to help you through this horrid time,

Love Karen (TF), x


Registered User
Mar 13, 2006
hello may
from one screamer to another can i just say let it out, it does help,
my sympathies on the treatment of your mum, weve had so much trouble when mums been admitted to general wards they do not have a clue how to treat dementia patients!!, my mums been moved from pillar to post becouse she didnt fit in to any catergory becouse of the dementia.
she couldnt be treated on the dementia ward becouse she needed medical staff and yet the staff on the medical ward knew nothing of dementia.
hope she's well soon
take care x


Registered User
Oct 15, 2005
Thank you.....

all for your kind words and support. Isn't it the strangest thing about this board, the simple act of typing out your thoughts is like having a conversation with a good friend, I mean the type that understand you instinctively and non-judgementally. Even if it is on a time lapse basis.:D

Mum is a little better today, but I'm still angry that medical bods don't/can't:eek: communicate. After reading all your replies I know it not just me making what Mum would call 'a fuss', I can be 'stamp feet hard' kinda girl (girl, who am I kidding!) if I feel it's necessary.

PS. So when's choir practice? :D

For Nell, I remember the scene but for the life of me can't remember the film title. Please put me out of my misery?:confused: