Can I have an indulgent rant?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Slasla, Jul 13, 2015.

  1. Slasla

    Slasla Registered User

    Jan 29, 2015
    6
    Hatfield, Herts
    My family were really close until my dad died. About a year later, mum had a stroke and vascular dementia has overtaken her life. I moved mum in with me and my relatively new partner against the wishes of my three sisters and brother, who all believed she should be in a care home. Mum has been with us for nearly a year now and her dementia has progressed quite rapidly, aggression is an everyday challenge now. But we are coping with this despite the lack of support from my family. Today, I found that behind my back they have not only enquired but visited a home near them ( I live 40 miles away with mum) looking at a place for her!
    Sorry, just had to vent! Not sure where I will go from here.
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,725
    Female
    London
    Have you got LPA for her, especially the health and welfare one? Then you can decide where she lives.
     
  3. Slasla

    Slasla Registered User

    Jan 29, 2015
    6
    Hatfield, Herts
    No, two of my sisters have that
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,725
    Female
    London
    Hm. That might be a problem. Have they told you why they don't want her living with you? Is it the distance?
     
  5. CO CO

    CO CO Registered User

    Jul 10, 2015
    19
    That's naughty of them in my opinion to go behind your back, families are weird at times!
     
  6. Slasla

    Slasla Registered User

    Jan 29, 2015
    6
    Hatfield, Herts
    I don't think it's just the distance Beate, more guilt that none of them can cope with mum. Just feel really let down by them all. Still, today is another day and I'm sure mum will give me plenty to take my mind off all of that! And Co Co you're right about families!
     
  7. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    Slasla, would your Mum be self funding if she went into a CH? If not, and you are happy to have her live with you, I very much doubt that the LA would put their hands in their pockets and fund her care.

    Even if she is self funding I doubt that they will get their way.

    Take care

    Lyn T XX
     
  8. CO CO

    CO CO Registered User

    Jul 10, 2015
    19
    Slasla my mother has been in a care home under assessment since she went from a normal functioning person to full blown dementia person for 4 months and she loves it, one of the residents believes she is her daughter and stays with her like glue and another thinks she is like a sister and they are often found in each other's rooms taking there clothes off doing fashion parades with each other's clothes, there is like a community on the ward and they talk mixed up stuff but it makes sense to them?
    Shame the l.a social workers are making me take her back tomorrow because here with me on my own she will be bored silly as I work constant 12 hour night shifts, there are carers set in place during the day but none for when I am out at night plus all the promises of door alarms call care eye they have went back on yesterday so it looks like they are thrown us to the wolves to see what happens.
    But yeah my mother has thrived on c.h but for us at the moment we cannot self fund.
     
  9. Slasla

    Slasla Registered User

    Jan 29, 2015
    6
    Hatfield, Herts
    Hi Lyn, no, Mum isn't self funding and our SW is happy for her to remain with me for as long as she and I feel I can cope.
    I've probably just reacted to a bad day and the realisation that my family will never support me in this.
    Thanks for helping to put my mind at ease x
     
  10. Slasla

    Slasla Registered User

    Jan 29, 2015
    6
    Hatfield, Herts
    Co Co that's so unfair. If your Mum is happy and thriving in the care home, you'd think everyone would support her to stay there. And they've put nothing in place to cover your night shift? How ridiculous! Do they really think dementia sufferers are only active during the day?
    Hope all goes well for you and your Mum x
     
  11. LYN T

    LYN T Registered User

    Aug 30, 2012
    6,962
    Brixham Devon
    CO CO no one can be forced to be a carer. I would throw the ball back to the SW and tell her you KNOW your Mum is happier in the CH. You now withdraw from being her carer. SS's have a bit of a cheek after going back on the help they promised. I don't know how you cope doing 12 hr night shifts -when do you sleep?

    Love

    Lyn T XX
     

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