Can I get any other financial help?

[mancmum]

Parent living with you what is fair?

I asked this question on the forum two years ago. Its really helpful to bench mark it against something so you don't constantly have to justify what you are doing.

If the Care Act had been implemented properly then the figure of 12,000 per year had been mentioned as being 'hotel costs' the costs that everyone has just to survive.

The full state pension is meant to cover the basics of live so should it be just over 5,000 a year.

Initially we said that we would use this figure, but it did become apparent that my father did not live like a basic state pensioner - he had access to a car, good quality food, etc etc. The disparity became even more evident when I did shopping for MIL who does live on a basic state pension. Her shopping list consisted effectively of bread, jam, biscuits, tinned soup, tinned fruit. If we had steak for tea then that was what I bought for my father...so we upped it to 150.00 per week.

I spend the attendance allowance totally on things that improve father's life, - art classes, coffee out, trips etc. I record everything on a little free downloadable expenses app for the phone which has been brilliant.

 

[Raggedrobin]

I haven't see your previous posts so don't know the background to your situation but I agree with others, it is fair for her to contribute something. You say that she never dealt with money and it may well be that the dementia would affect her ability to do so now. It took me a while to get wise to my mother, who would say things to me like 'treat yourself to lunch, on me, when you are out', so I would sometimes, if I felt I had earned it by stuff I was doing for her, but she never remembered to give me the money for the lunch, so I was inadvertently treating myself. But that was just the dementia.

If you have access to her bank account and she isn't going to understand your requests for a contribution, I would take out a modest amount per week from the account, say, £50. Then keep all your receipts for food and heating etc so you are accountable for what you have spent on her. But like I said, I don't know the background to your situation, so not if you have any background court stuff going on.

Don't forget as a carer you can claim a little 'grant' through social services when you have a carer's assessment done, to claim for time out, to do something you want to do, maybe a £100 one off payment or so to sign up for an art class, or whatever you fancy that will give you pleasurable time out from the situation.