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Can husband and wife be separated by LPA attorneys?


New member
Nov 5, 2019
My husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s five years ago. He has three “joint and severally” attorneys on both LPAs. Myself, his daughter and his son. At the time of setting up the LPAs we all got on really well but the relationship has deteriorated over the last two years. The time has come when I can no longer manage him at home and wish to put him in a local care home. However, the children want him to move to a home near to them which is a four hour drive away. They are saying that, should I place him in the local home, they will take legal action against me.

Can they separate a husband and wife?


Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
Welcome to DTP @Lindajimbob

Thats really difficult. I think you’ll benefit from having a chat with our Helpline.

National Dementia Helpline
0300 222 11 22
Our helpline advisers are here for you.
Helpline opening hours:
Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm

Please keep posting here as you’ll get lots of support.


Volunteer Moderator
Dec 15, 2012
hello @Lindajimbob
a warm welcome from me too
what a sad situation to face
do have a chat with the advisors on the helpline
personally, I doubt very much that the children would get far with such a case without incredibly strong evidence of mistreatment and proof you were not acting in your husband's best interests
you are an Attorney and his wife, so have legal authority to manage his affairs
unfortunately, though, there have been some cases on the forums of members with similar fears, so maybe also talk with Admiral Nurses as they are there to support the carer


Registered User
Aug 22, 2019
In all honesty, I doubt there is any ‘legal action’ they can take against you, in any case it wouldn’t be in your husbands ‘best interests’ to be moved a 4 hour drive away, when you’re the one who’s married to him, cared for him - it’s just awful to be ‘threatened’ in this way and especially by his kids when you have so much to deal with and think of. I would do what you have to do & if your husband has to go into a care home, you’re his ‘official’ next of kin. Once in a care home, he can’t just be up and moved anywhere else in an instant. Do ring the helpline given - you have much support on here


Registered User
Feb 27, 2018
As all three of you are attorneys I don't see why their wishes would over rule yours unless there are factors we don't know about - call the helpline and see what they say. I would be tempted to go ahead with making the arrangements, move him to a care home placement you like, and then see what they do. All very stressful for you, and it doesn't sound as if they are thinking of his best interests.


Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
I agree with the others that the threat of legal action is unconvincing, there wouldn't really be just cause for any action unless you put him in a terrible home. This sounds like bluster. We don't know enough about the background to give advice here but I wonder if there is a family member who could undertake a role as a mediator here? Presumably the son and daughter have their reasons for believing that his best interests lie with being nearer to them?

Lastly is there a simple compromise to be found in choosing a care home that is roughly halfway between the two locations?


Registered User
Mar 9, 2016
Unfortunately I have been subject to my husband’s son challenging the care home I chose for my husband. It’s a very long story but it ended up in court and me losing my case because the son made promises under oath to visit my husband everyday if he was moved nearer him, saying that my husband’s grandson suffered travel sickness and couldn’t visit (he didn’t suffer from this), that’s just two of the lies. He is a very manipulative person and managed to charm the SW and the advocate appointed for my husband and the judge who ruled against me. It cost me tens of thousands of pounds trying to get my husband kept in the home where he was settled. He has had to move twice since then because the homes chosen by the SW couldn’t cope with him, he is currently under a section 3 and I don’t know where he will go on discharge. BTW the son has visited once in the last year and the grandson has not been, he lives five minutes away from the last home!
Last week when the SW phoned and asked me if the son knew where my husband currently was ( he didn’t) I finally managed to tell her the truth about him, it was met with a wall of silence. She said she’d have to tell him he still hasn’t been.
I’m sorry that I’ve had to tell you this @Lindajimbob but being his wife had no standing in law for me and I’m left to pick up the pieces and try to help my husband as much as I can, difficult in the present circumstances.
I sincerely hope that you can succeed in getting your husband kept where he is. x


Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
I'm sorry that I did not notice that this was actually an old thread! We don't have a current update.
The general point about whether the spouce's opinion or the son/daughter's opinion prevails in case of disagreement is s difficult one. If one has power of attorney and the other does not, then clearly the attorney prevails. In other cases the best interests of the patient should be determined but of course that is open to interpretation. There is s role here for some sort of mediation service to broker agreement, of failing that, an arbitration service to resolve family disputes out of court. I don't know if such services exist. If it does it may be useful to highlight it for the benefit of others.

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