Hi Nixnax,
I'll let you know what I think but it might be a good idea to get some legal advice on this too.
So, my gut feeling is that as far as the house and the partner's presence in it, the same rules apply with or without your dad's Alzheimer's. If she doesn't have any legal right to live in the house then if the relationship is breaking down or has broken down she has to be the one to leave. If your father's behaviour is unacceptable, for whatever reason, she is the one moving out, not him. I really can't see how it can be any different, though how you get her out is another story and that's where I think some good legal advice might be useful.
I would also press the social services to be a bit more proactive. Magic wands don't exist (unfortunately!) but best interest meetings do so if there is evidence of abuse she must be removed from his home, and there's no reason why the social services and the police can't help with that.
But I'm left wondering about your dad's capacity. Is he judged to be well enough to be making his own decisions and if yes, does he want her there? I'm sure all of us know or know of people who make poor relationship choices and put up with all sorts. If capacity is there, it's their life, whatever our opinion. If he doesn't have capacity, however, then safeguarding really needs to kick in and soon. Sadly, I expect you'll have to make a bit of noise to get things moving but use phrases like 'vulnerable adult' and 'duty of care' when talking to 'the authorities'.
You must be terribly concerned so my thoughts are with you. I hope you get a good outcome to this difficult situation.
Hi thanks for the reply,
No father has been assessed has having no mental capacity,basically I feel this is all my fault ,this woman came into his life at a real low point for him ( my brother's death and a break up from a long term relationship with a nice lady ) with talk of an abusive husband,so he put her up until she got a flat,then a few months in she started saying she hated the flat and could she move back until somewhere more suitable came up and she would get a job ( apparently she's a carer?) Then money started to go missing,her daughter's would come drunk ect,so he asked her to leave ,oh and still no job,like care homes are not crying out for worker's,the next thing we knew she was having unexplained fits,the hospital couldn't find anything a miss ,but in the end they gave a diagnosis of epilepsy due to her symptoms and what my Dad had seen,then she said daughter's didn't care and would leave her,so my Dad who can only be described as a gentle soul let her stay,she doesn't get any out of work benefits because she has never worked and got no contributions and says my Dad gets to much for her to claim and he has to keep her .
These last two years has been some strange goings on,he went from just leaving her too it,saying it's better than being on his own but carrying on as normal,to all of a sudden not seeing family as much,not seeing his friends or doing his hobbies,and I don't know how to describe it like a separation anxiety when he was away from her,which was strange as he really just lead his life and let her get on with hers?
Then repeating thing's ,then he came to my house with a couple of years worth of bank statements ,saying all his money had gone,they was nothing but chargers ,now I know he gave her the cards and pins when he decided she was all of a sudden the bee's knees,so I told him it's who has your bank card's ,this was just before Christmas he'd tried to take his money out for his grandchildren,she'd also told him the banks didn't send statements no more which the bank told him we do (she has been getting them from the outside postbox)
So when I didn't hear from him at Christmas I thought well ****** him ,he knows now what she's like,and he's decided to not bother with us so what can you do
Then March the hospital calls me dad's in not been eating or taking his meds ( got an IBD and diabetes) lost a lot of weight ,she only got him medical care when hospital was enquiring about missed appointments,so ok the money forgot as long as his health is now being tracked.
Go to his house he's got a black eye no cuts but apparently fell onto bed side cabinet,care nurse's said he doesn't fall out of bed his gross and fine motor skills have not been effected.
Next thing I know he's been took to a home,for 10 week's she only visited 3 time's,best interest meeting,they said they have to treat them like man and wife,but safegaurding is up,he was home a day and she verbally attacked me for asking where his meds were ( they was a mess up with the care plan so I had to go over to give him meds at night while some paper work went in) and raised her hands at me.
I've been going each day to change his stoma,but she's been making this difficult,and now she's told me he's no stoma bags left,after me telling her to order them ( she's got the order details and I'm not allowed to go through any of my dads things or she shows off upsetting dad which I don't want) she told me she'd ordered them and she'd got plenty,this was yesterday today a phone call saying he has none ,that's his dignity.
Both bank's was shut while he was in secure unit as I ended up telling the banks both was used when he was in the chc home,the ss worker went with me the other day but she says there no bank statements ,he must have been throwing them yet he hasn't got the key for postbox and hasn't been home much since beginning of March.
The emotional abuse is the worst though,his moods are connected to hers one minute she's all talking to him like he's a child with a load of I love you sss,next she's slamming things around marching out the house or shouting and balling.
Just wish I'd stepped up sooner,but I've let him down
