Can anyone please help me?

Maldives13

Registered User
Feb 4, 2014
164
Good morning everyone. I am really hoping for some advice as I'm at my wits end! Mum who is 94, seems to have deteriorated very quickly and is sleeping really badly. Wants to go home even though she is still in her own home. Lives on own. My sisters want her to go in a home but I really don't feel she is ready. She really is against the idea and as she wouldn't be self funding I don't think social services would say yes either. My problem is I am getting calls from her alarm people to say she has opened the front door and they can't make contact! I go round and she is dressed and wanting to go home. I'm sorry if this is garbled but am due away on holiday for 2 weeks at the end if the month. I don't mind going round in the middle of the night but I'm worries what will happen while i am away. Mum has one of us in every day for several hours so we do give huge support and I know they are tired as well. Sorry for the ramble but please help me .
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,839
London
Have you got any help from social services presently? If not, ring them up and demand a carers assessment. Say that she is a vulnerable adult at risk and that they have duty of care. They could arrange day care for her or carers coming in every day. They could also provide a tracker in case she is wandering, and they could provide her with respite, I.e putting her in a care home for the two weeks you are away. But you must act now and you must be persistent. No 94 year old with dementia should be alone without help, that's a recipe for disaster. And you don't want to end up with carer burnout either, do you?
 

Onlyme

Registered User
Apr 5, 2010
4,995
UK
Can you give the alarm people your sister's telephone number? I would also contact SS.
 

lizzybean

Registered User
Feb 3, 2014
1,366
Lancashire
For your own peace of mind I think it would be a good idea to put her into respite whilst you are away. You would be more likely to have the break you to need if you weren't worrying all the time. It would also give your sisters a bit of a break too.
 

Maldives13

Registered User
Feb 4, 2014
164
Thanks for replies. Mum does have carers in 3 times a day and my sisters are already listed as contacts thank you. It's just I'm worried how they may react at a 3am call to go round. Respite is a great idea so will try that thank you but last time I asked social services said no. This was because she doesn't have anyone stay with her at night!! Mind she has deteriorated since then so will ask again . Thanks folks
 

opaline

Registered User
Nov 13, 2014
182
So you tell them you now have to stay over!! Lie through your teeth if necessary to get her the help she needs and deserves. And since you don't mind attending at 3am, neither should your sisters, x
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,839
London
Thanks for replies. Mum does have carers in 3 times a day and my sisters are already listed as contacts thank you. It's just I'm worried how they may react at a 3am call to go round. Respite is a great idea so will try that thank you but last time I asked social services said no. This was because she doesn't have anyone stay with her at night!! Mind she has deteriorated since then so will ask again . Thanks folks
Don't quite understand the logic. Respite usually takes place at a care home where they should have nurses keeping an eye at night. Don't let them fob you off.
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,480
Dundee
Don't quite understand the logic. Respite usually takes place at a care home where they should have nurses keeping an eye at night. Don't let them fob you off.
It's respite at home I take for Bill as I don't want him to go into a care home/repsite home. It works for us as one of our regular carers does it.
 

Beate

Registered User
May 21, 2014
11,839
London
Oh right, I wasn't aware of this possibility. Isn't that quite expensive? I could see why SS would be reluctant then. Or are you self-funding?
 

henfenywfach

Registered User
May 23, 2013
332
rct
Good morning everyone. I am really hoping for some advice as I'm at my wits end! Mum who is 94, seems to have deteriorated very quickly and is sleeping really badly. Wants to go home even though she is still in her own home. Lives on own. My sisters want her to go in a home but I really don't feel she is ready. She really is against the idea and as she wouldn't be self funding I don't think social services would say yes either. My problem is I am getting calls from her alarm people to say she has opened the front door and they can't make contact! I go round and she is dressed and wanting to go home. I'm sorry if this is garbled but am due away on holiday for 2 weeks at the end if the month. I don't mind going round in the middle of the night but I'm worries what will happen while i am away. Mum has one of us in every day for several hours so we do give huge support and I know they are tired as well. Sorry for the ramble but please help me .
Hi!..I think their entitled to respite care x amount of times a year..regardless of whether youre there at night or not!..its do with allowing the carer time out..hence the care act..
I agree with telling them what ever they need to hear!..thats not being misleading..just that you respond to night time issues..your family cant leave at drop of hat..and she wouldnt. Accept it as she responds to you.better! (Or something like that)..our ss told us to look for respite places for the future..!..your entitled!..and make the most of your break!

Sent from my GT-I9505 using Talking Point mobile app
 

Izzy

Volunteer Moderator
Aug 31, 2003
60,480
Dundee
Oh right, I wasn't aware of this possibility. Isn't that quite expensive? I could see why SS would be reluctant then. Or are you self-funding?
I use Direct Payments. You need to remember that in Scotland we get free personal care for the elderly. Bill's need are assessed and he is awarded a number of hours to meet these needs. The bulk of this is paid by the free personal care contribution which is paid into a designated account every four weeks. We are told what his contribution is to be and that is paid into the same account. Added to the package is a number of overnights and also a contingency budget. I then manage this amount as I see fit in consultation with the Social Work Department and the Carer's Centre.

You can hear me explain it on this case study clip!

http://youtu.be/2g6vleOu-Zs
 
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