My partner's mother is 93. She is in care and over the past few weeks has deteriorated rapidly. She is sleeping most of the day, not eating and drinking very little. She cannot be coaxed into waking up, getting up or eating. My brother-in-law is extremely concerned about her and doesn't know what he can do to help her. He also noticed a smell on her breath which he described as 'aniseed'. It's a very sad situation and just wondered if anyone can offer advice?
can anyone offer advice?
- Thread starter Ziggy Starshine
- Start date
Hello @Ziggy Starshine and welcome to DTP, although I am sorry that you have found us at this point.
I notice that you have posted this under "End of Life Care". Has your OHs mother been confirmed as being at End of Life? As she is in a care home I assume that she has been checked for things like infections. I do think it would be a good idea for your OH to have a very open and candid talk with her mothers GP about what he thinks and expects.
Apologies if this is premature and she is not at end of life
When someone dies from dementia their body shuts down slowly over days and weeks and they stop eating and drinking as part of this process. Many people are concerned that they are starving to death, but that it not true - they are already dying and their body no longer needs food, so that is why they stop eating.
The doctors will give painkillers and other drugs to make sure that they are pain-free and comfortable. Usually this is by injection, patches or, in the last days, by a syringe driver. Relatives can help keep them comfortable by using little brushes or sponges to keep their mouth moist once they stop drinking and can put moisturiser on their dry skin. Hearing is the last thing to go, so make sure the important things are said - I love you, thank you, please forgive me and and (if appropriate) I forgive you.
You can also read to them, talk to them and play their favourite music.
I notice that you have posted this under "End of Life Care". Has your OHs mother been confirmed as being at End of Life? As she is in a care home I assume that she has been checked for things like infections. I do think it would be a good idea for your OH to have a very open and candid talk with her mothers GP about what he thinks and expects.
Apologies if this is premature and she is not at end of life
When someone dies from dementia their body shuts down slowly over days and weeks and they stop eating and drinking as part of this process. Many people are concerned that they are starving to death, but that it not true - they are already dying and their body no longer needs food, so that is why they stop eating.
The doctors will give painkillers and other drugs to make sure that they are pain-free and comfortable. Usually this is by injection, patches or, in the last days, by a syringe driver. Relatives can help keep them comfortable by using little brushes or sponges to keep their mouth moist once they stop drinking and can put moisturiser on their dry skin. Hearing is the last thing to go, so make sure the important things are said - I love you, thank you, please forgive me and and (if appropriate) I forgive you.
You can also read to them, talk to them and play their favourite music.
I’m sorry you’re going through this but it is most likely that this is a natural progression of the illness and the body prepares for death stopping eating and drinking, when the body shuts down there is a strange ‘smell’ which is again, at end stage of life, I described it as an acetone smell. When I asked the Carer’s they said that it is often present as end of life gets near and it’s a smell you won’t forget,
You can still also the carers to give swabs to help wet the mouth and to maintain a level of oral moistening and care. We used these for mums mouth, cheeks and gums at end of life and also put on blister lip moistening and lip balm to prevent chapped lips.. if care staff are able, perhaps speak to them, the nursing staff or speak to GP to ensure a syringe driver is in place to prevent pain, agitation and secretions from getting too much,
It’s a very sad time for you all, xxxx
You can still also the carers to give swabs to help wet the mouth and to maintain a level of oral moistening and care. We used these for mums mouth, cheeks and gums at end of life and also put on blister lip moistening and lip balm to prevent chapped lips.. if care staff are able, perhaps speak to them, the nursing staff or speak to GP to ensure a syringe driver is in place to prevent pain, agitation and secretions from getting too much,
It’s a very sad time for you all, xxxx
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