Can anyone help?

jinty

Registered User
Jan 24, 2006
2
excuse my ignorance to some matters as this is my first attempt to relay my thoughts and dont know where to start as when you are caring for someone no matter what sex they may be they are not the same person all you do have are memories of your loved one and thats what gives me my strenghth at this moment. i was wondering if anyone has noticed when you are the carer you worry about having too live most of your hours in the similar mode as the sufferer and could this maybe be the reason for the number of sufferers rising and also at an earlier age as most carers are younger family members as there is not enough funding for day care for people who need one to one care but enough funding for full time care its got to properly arranged as statistics are rising.sorry for babbling on .
 

Lynne

Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
3,433
Suffolk,England
jinty said:
I was wondering if anyone has noticed when you are the carer you worry about having too live most of your hours in the similar mode as the sufferer and could this maybe be the reason for the number of sufferers rising and also at an earlier age ....
Hi Jinty, I'm so glad that I'm not the only who feels like they (the carer) are going ga-ga as well! :) The other morning I got up, made tea & took mum one (she being still in bed) and then - running late for work, as always - thought I'd take my cuppa into the bathroom with me & drink it on the run. Halfway through the wash & dress routine, I thought I'd have a quick slurp, only to find a milk bottle on the window sill instead of my mug!! :eek:
And it's certainly not the 1st time I've done something similar, :eek: just the most recent.

Seriously though, I think it's the combination of everything;
FATIGUE and STRESS – the disturbed nights & having to try to think ahead so much all the time & second-guess any potentially dangerous actions (by Mum), accidents or hiccups. Stress at the constant repetition of questions and same conversations, again & again & again, & trying to remain patient when you feel like screaming. Stress because hardly anyone seems to understand how desperately sad it all is. They say things like "Well, we all get old, don't we" like that makes everything all right - and more stress 'cos you're trying not to snap their head off.
And DISTRESS, all the time (although we tend to suppress it); because this is Mum, it shouldn't be happening like this, Mum was always the one who looked after everything … and similar emotions we daren't let ourselves look at too closely.
We WORRY all the time, day in, day out – about what's happening now, how do I cope, what will happen in the future, how will I cope. Is there any help available in my district?, how do I get it?, who can I contact?, what will it cost?, will I be able to take time off work to … (insert 1 of a thousand things that need doing, people to see, appointments to keep IF Mum will co-operate).
WORRY about What is going on inside Mum's head, does she realise what's going on, is she suppressing fear, pain (actual or emotional), heartbreak at not being able to be 'Mum' any more, but seeming like a fractious child at times, although that's not her intention.

I think I've said enough, this is getting depressing. I just wanted to let you know that you are most certainly not alone in the way you are feeling. It goes with the territory. So does Guilt, which haunts us all, however hard we are trying to do our best. Resist that one, fight it off with all your mental strength - it's an emotion which can only lower your own self-esteem and make you LESS able to cope. "Beware the guilt monster"

Of course, I didn't mention the one thing which keeps us all going; LOVE
But the bitch of it is, it doesn't conquer all. But it won't be denied.

Best Wishes Jinty
 

BeckyJan

Registered User
Nov 28, 2005
18,972
Derbyshire
Hi - I do think it is important to maintain contact with old friends (and the new ones who like angels appear when things are rough!). I try to see or speak to someone outside the home at least once a day - there are a few very special people who I can rant to when I am down or when I hit a rough patch. This seems to keep me going. I do many crazy things and like Lynne agree its stress and pressure (I want to believe that). Also rushing around like a bl.b. fly does mean we will get odd things wrong.

Best wishes BeckyJan
 

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