can anyone help please


Registered User
Feb 28, 2009
my mum was diaognosed with vascular dementia 3 years ago, for the past 2 years she wasnt bad, but this last year has been hell? myself and my partner moved back in with my mum and dad 2 years ago to help out, but since then its been a nightmare? i/we could see she was getting worse:( so in january we had to twist her arm almost to get her to see the doctor, again for a memory test, she did badly scoring 6/30, the problem is we have had the social services 3 times now helping, for her to go in daycare for the odd day to give my dad a rest, as he also is recovering from a heart attack last year, shes all for it when they are here, but as soon as they walk out the door she goes off on one, I'M NOT GOING THERE she says so we have to cancle again? her moods have got worse, she takes it out of my dad,
she wants to sleep all the time going to bed at 5 till 9 next morning( i now thats not normal) wont go to see the doctor any more, missing her night pills all the time, we have almost given up hope, we just dont know what to do anymore, every one of us is at rock bottom:( please if there is any one who can help or suggest anything, or give us advice on what we should do next before we all lose it we would be so gratefull:D


Registered User
Jan 22, 2010

Sounds like a nightmare hope you are looking after yourselves too! You need to contact the GP and explain the difficulties you are having over the phone. Ask him/her to make a referal to the consultant psychiatrist for a home visit to your mum. It may be that she needs a short stay in hospital to stabilise her. She definately needs input from a social worker or CPN to monitor this and to also get carer services involved for the family so you have support to. It seems at the moment your mum has lost her reasoning skills so you trying to pursuade her to go to daycare etc prob wont succeed therefore she needs input from the services to manage her.


Registered User
Feb 21, 2010
Fallenangel, I'm so sorry your mum is giving you all such a hard time....Have you thought about asking social services for some respite care? Maybe even for a long weekend just to give you all a break? You never know, she may enjoy herself!! :) We did that a few times with my Nanna, and it really made all the difference for us as she was still living on her own and meant we wouldn't have to worry about her wandering the streets at night etc. I think they even took her out for a couple of pub lunches:eek: as we were informed that wine makes her merry:D!!! I know it's really hard but maybe you need to get a care assessment done, if you could have homehelp on a regular basis, (Nanna had homehelp every morning and evening) just to help with getting dressed, washing etc, and making breakfast and dinner. A couple of hours a day can make all the difference, and will certainly improve your dad's health. Daycare centres are a fantastic way to get your mum out and about, so it's certainly worth persisting with them, don't really know what else to suggest, can only send ((((hugs)))) to you all xxxx


Registered User
Jun 29, 2009
Oh dear Fallenangel I do hope things improve for you. I believe we are at much the same stage with FIL. He will turn on the charm, he sits and holds the SW's hand when she comes and says he will do this and that but he forgets so quickly and then refuses to go anywhere. I really wish I knew the answer to your question. I am sending you all my very best wishes. Please try to stay calm and take care of each other. The sleeping patterns may well change.


Registered User
Feb 28, 2009

thank you to every one who replied, im at docs myself tomorrow so i'll have a word with her about mum, let you all know how i get on. once again thanks for all the support:D

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