can anyone give me some feed back?


Registered User
Jun 7, 2008
I've posted before, short explaination, my aunt has A/Z and we have changed our lives to keep her in her own home, my husband lives with her weekly and she comes back up here weekends, 200 miles away.
My problem now is my husband is going away for a week, we still havent had much luck with the Mental health people, Im going to phone them on friday, a day after the date they promised to get back to me.
I work, she is welcome up here, but becomes totally distressed when left alone, so I cant let that happen. We feel left in her own house, she will be more comfortable..however she isnt going out, Im terribly worried about how she is going to feel. Can anyone out there shead some light on this??? Im starting to think I need to cancel all my appointments and take the cats and go stay with her, but this really means I would loose alot of my income. HELP..the guilt is setting in and I need the voices of reason!
thank you

Canadian Joanne

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 8, 2005
Toronto, Canada
Dear Elle,
Don't know what to say except to get back to the Mental Health people & say she'll be on her own for a week. No, don't uproot your life anymore than you already have. Is there a neighbour or someone else you can pay to pop in & keep an eye on her?

You've done a great deal already and I think that more would be too much. At some point you will have to consider either moving her closer to you (if she's not going out, that might be a viable solution) or moving her into some sort of care situation - again something near you. You have to think of something near you if you feel so guilty. At least if she's close by it will be easier for you.

I don't know about SS & all that sort of thing in the UK. Someone else here will be able to fill you in.

Good luck.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
My problem now is my husband is going away for a week,

Can you not ask at work for some compassionate leave, or holiday leave?
( But what ever you do don't leave your Job )

So while your they for the week you can sort out the mental health team , to do an Emergency assessment on her which include respite in care home because if I am reading your post right your saying that your husband & yourself live apart during the week?

that can’t be good for your relationship in the long term
In getting the respite sorted out it can intrude her to knowing what it like to live in a care home. the longer your husband lives with her during the week the harder it’s going to be to get her into care home ,or even get her use to carer looking after her while your husband go back living with you during the week . because she learn to lean on your husband like a security blanket .

I work, she is welcome up here, but becomes totally distressed when left alone,

That also happen to my mother, because she so use to me being around all the time . Dose your husband work during the week while he lives with her ? as I am wondering how she cope with being alone while your husband works?
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Registered User
Feb 20, 2008
West Yorkshire
Dear Elle
We are always having to fit things round my dad. Regularly taking time off work etc. I think you'll have to take a week off work (Holidays, unpaid leave etc) Compassionate leave is usually for the death of a near relative.
Unfortunately, thats the price of caring. Social or mental health services only provide in an emergency etc or not at all. Unless you have a regular care package in place for your aunt. Sorry to be pessimistic, but thats the reality. You might be able to get private care of some sort. If there were an easy solution we'd all be doing it.
take care

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