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Can anyone give me an opinion?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by elizabethsdaugh, May 29, 2015.

  1. elizabethsdaugh

    elizabethsdaugh Registered User

    May 2, 2015
    12
    I am relatively new to talking point and this is my first post. I'm hoping for some advice about my mum.

    Our background is that mum and I have always shared a house. Mum has always been very stubborn and independent, she has never been able to see a view point other than her own and has always been a glass half full sort of person. In the last 12 months these traits have become much worse and the glass is no longer just half full, there’s also a crack in the side and a chip out of the rim.

    In the last 6 months we have attended two memory clinic appointments are just about to attend a third. The first time we got no diagnosis as she walked out, the second they diagnosed a Mild Cognitive Impairment. During the second appointment she was as nice as pie to the consultant, giggling and telling him her memory was a little poor, but that was just her age and that she coped perfectly well on a daily basis. I disputed a lot of what she said and tried to get her to be a little more truthful, but she wouldn't open up. I do not feel he took on board what I said, though I don't exactly blame him as it was quite a performance she put on.

    The third appointment is due soon and I've already been warned not to interfere and not to tell 'them' anything. If the appointment goes like last time there will be no opportunity to speak to the consultant without mum being present so the next appointment is likely to be difficult as I cannot keep quiet.

    The situation is that mum's memory is terrible. Just today she asked me “who is the woman who keeps coming here?” it's my sister (her youngest daughter). She asked who those lads are who come too, her grandchildren (she only has two). Then she wanted to know what their names are, she said she hadn't a clue. Once I told her that she wanted to know if they were married, they are both still at school and too young, but she had no idea of their ages.

    Mum seems to be living in the past, she thought her dad, who has been dead 50 years lived with us and confuses the house we live in now with one she left almost 60 years ago. She can do so many things for herself, like washing and dressing, but cannot retain information, we can leave the house to go shopping and 5 minutes down the road she cannot remember where we are going, or what we are going for.

    On top of her memory mum has also become very verbally aggressive, her temper is unbelievable and flares up if she feels even the smallest bit slighted. She has taken to baring her teeth at me, clenching her fists and pushing her face in mine. Once she's in a temper she can sulk silently for hours. She has also become a bit obsessed with our living room gas fire, she keeps telling me she had no idea it ran on gas and frighteningly wanted to stir the coals whilst it was lit with a poker. She got angry when I wouldn’t let her have the poker and told me I pick on her over the slightest thing. Even though I explained she could blow the house up and the neighbours too she couldn’t see it wasn’t safe to do what she wanted, that recognition of what was dangerous just wasn’t there. The poker is now hidden and I’ve had to say it’s been lost as she still asks about it.


    Can I ask would you consider my mum's behaviour to be mild? I’m really struggling to understand mild as a diagnosis. Sorry to have gone on and on, but any thoughts would be really appreciated.
     
  2. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    10,212
    Merseyside
    Welcome to TP:)

    I wrote down all my concerns about Dad's behaviour & handed it to the nurse when we were seen.
    The Dr read it & told me it was very helpful.
     
  3. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello and welcome to Talking Point.
    I am sure you will get much advice and support here!

    I feel it would be helpful to keep a diary of the 'behaviours' that cause concern and then print them off to give to the Consultant. I did this and it was proved quite helpful.

    It is extremely hard to give an opinion re 'mild' dementia. IF your Mother is still able to live independently with little support, then I guess it would be considered mild. That doesn't mean that mild dementia is considered easy.

    My thoughts are not to consider what stage ie mild, medium or late stage - as each person is different (although I do understand your doubts as what you explain seems to be more mid stage:confused:). It is far better to deal with the issues of the moment.

    I am sure you will get lots of thoughts here.
    Keep posting. Best wishes
     
  4. CynthsDaugh

    CynthsDaugh Registered User

    May 5, 2015
    140
    Salford, Lancashire
    Hi Elizabethsdaugh. I too struggle with defining Mum into a 'stage'. Everyone is different so I think the lines between mild/mid etc can be rather blurred.

    At my Mums appointment I was offered the opportunity to have a private few minutes with the nurse to mention anything I didn't want to say in front of her. I didn't need it as Mum has always been aware she has memory problems and said before the appointment to say anything I needed to, but would have been done in one room while Mum was doing the test in another. Perhaps a phone call prior to the appointment to request some time do put your views over without your Mum in the room?
     
  5. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,826
    UK
    I condensed a lot of mum's behaviour, wrote it down and handed it to the consultant, while he was reading it we sat there and of course mum was very chatty so he picked up on the fact that she had a very short attention span, something I had not put in the note.

    All of what your mother is doing is similar to my mum's actions last year. It was a worrying and complicated time, trying to protect her from herself. After getting a diagnosis of moderate vascular dementia. The diagnosis didn't seem to match up with anything I read or mum's actions, so I now just take things one day at a time. These days my mum is much calmer and tends to follow my requests.
     
  6. balloo

    balloo Registered User

    Sep 21, 2013
    227
    northamptonshire
    as others have write it down and either send to consultant before appointment or as you go in.Do you have POA for well being ? if so you have a right for them to listern to you.
     
  7. Moonflower

    Moonflower Registered User

    Mar 28, 2012
    775
    Write it all down - particularly the aggression, which could get worse
    Either email it before hand or take it with you and hand it in when you arrive.
    Or both, just in case an email goes astray
     
  8. marionq

    marionq Registered User

    Apr 24, 2013
    5,853
    Female
    Scotland
    Template for symptoms

    Nit ram gave us a very good template form for ticking off behaviours before handing them to consultants. I used it last time. Anyone got the link?
     
  9. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,714
    Female
    London

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