I hadn’t seen my mum in around 8 months for various reasons. The times I visited before this were very difficult and always ended with her shouting and screaming at me about how awful I am and how selfish I am to have put her in the home (I simply could not manage with her living at home any longer). We’ve spoken on the phone several times but the calls end the same way as my previous visits, so I’ve been putting off going to visit again.
I finally plucked up the courage to go to the home today, not least because they had asked me to take some personal supplies in for mum. While visiting isn’t officially allowed at present, due to it being months since I’d seen mum, the fact she’s been constantly asking for me and recently has been getting more and more difficult towards the staff insisting they are stopping her from seeing me and refusing to eat until she sees me, they made an exception and allowed me to see her very quickly (with face mask and PPE). It did not go well.... As soon as she saw me mum shouted that she didn’t want me there and told me to get out. I said that wasn’t very nice and she said ‘I don’t care. I know who you are, you haven’t come up those stairs since I got here, well I don’t want you here now, the police can take you and lock you up, now get out, GET OUT!’ and grabbed her book and hairbrush and threw them at me, hysterically screaming at me to get out, so I left.
I sat outside in my car a bit shell shocked at how she’d acted, and also at how far she has deteriorated since I last saw her. She has lost a ton of weight and is now bed bound and incontinent. She was walking around no problem and in general taking care of herself with assistance from the staff previously, but they tell me she’s now extremely resistant to all personal care and they have a real battle with her.
After today’s visit, I’m not sure I can bring myself to visit again. I feel terrible for thinking this way, but if I’m honest I’m not 100% certain she actually recognised me. Also, me visiting didn’t help her in any way. I called this evening and the staff said she’s been screaming and shouting at them ever since I left. In addition I’ve been feeling extremely low all afternoon, the lowest I’ve felt since I had a breakdown last year, and I just don’t feel I’m mentally strong enough to cope with a repeat of today’s visit. Am I a terrible person if I don’t visit her again?
I finally plucked up the courage to go to the home today, not least because they had asked me to take some personal supplies in for mum. While visiting isn’t officially allowed at present, due to it being months since I’d seen mum, the fact she’s been constantly asking for me and recently has been getting more and more difficult towards the staff insisting they are stopping her from seeing me and refusing to eat until she sees me, they made an exception and allowed me to see her very quickly (with face mask and PPE). It did not go well.... As soon as she saw me mum shouted that she didn’t want me there and told me to get out. I said that wasn’t very nice and she said ‘I don’t care. I know who you are, you haven’t come up those stairs since I got here, well I don’t want you here now, the police can take you and lock you up, now get out, GET OUT!’ and grabbed her book and hairbrush and threw them at me, hysterically screaming at me to get out, so I left.
I sat outside in my car a bit shell shocked at how she’d acted, and also at how far she has deteriorated since I last saw her. She has lost a ton of weight and is now bed bound and incontinent. She was walking around no problem and in general taking care of herself with assistance from the staff previously, but they tell me she’s now extremely resistant to all personal care and they have a real battle with her.
After today’s visit, I’m not sure I can bring myself to visit again. I feel terrible for thinking this way, but if I’m honest I’m not 100% certain she actually recognised me. Also, me visiting didn’t help her in any way. I called this evening and the staff said she’s been screaming and shouting at them ever since I left. In addition I’ve been feeling extremely low all afternoon, the lowest I’ve felt since I had a breakdown last year, and I just don’t feel I’m mentally strong enough to cope with a repeat of today’s visit. Am I a terrible person if I don’t visit her again?