1. steele247

    steele247 Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    15
    Hello my dads got dementia and I can't stop crying feels like am grieving over him yet hes right in front of me I dont talk to my mum ask shes always stressed so I cry on my own our repressed my feelings but cant take much more am tired exhausted emotional wanna just scream need a break but feel their no where to turn anymore just wanted to know if anyone else feels the same and how u cope thanks as had enough.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,917
    Nottinghamshire
    Hi @steele247

    What you are feeling is common on here, not that it makes it any easier to deal with. It even has a name "anticipatory grief". I remember the feeling and the distress it caused me to be with a person I loved who was physically there but gone in essence. Sorry. Not much help.

    Your mum's probably feeling the same way..
     
  3. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,825
    Male
    Bristol
    Sorry to read you're having such a hard time Steele247. As Bunpoots says it is a horrible part of the grieving process and worse because the person you care about is still here. Does your mum have any support from outside carers or a day centre which can take some of the strain and allow you both a day off to have lunch together and relax a bit? Apart from that just getting away for a couple of days can take the strain away. I have also found CBT with a good therapist can help find some coping strategies like slow breathing or taking a walk round the park. I know that only takes the worst of it away and leaves the grieving, but I find it helps.
     
  4. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    253
    Hi Steele 247 I know exactly what you are feeling my mum has had ad for six years I've had councilling, it helps to talk ,though doesn't take the pain away living with this horrundeous illness, I am going through anticipatory grief,but wonder how long does this last I don't want to feel like this all the time (((hugs))) to you xxx
     
  5. steele247

    steele247 Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    15
    Thanks for your kind words she is going through it I just never thought it be this hard with not so much help out emotional support
     
  6. steele247

    steele247 Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    15
    Thanks I have had CBT and I do medicate and deep breathing but dont always stop me worrying I get tired as always on the go just me and my mum dealing with him helping but so exhausting as hes got bipolar also two things to deal with we got things ready to put him in a day centre for a break but been waiting and in the process for 9 month and hes had his illness along time copying with it also I got two holiday booked as I know i need space and break before I mentally breakdown hard to balance my life as want to start looking after myself more but so hard in this situation
     
  7. steele247

    steele247 Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    15
    Sorry to hear that its not nice its so hard and you can feel so alone I just keep trying to be strong but feel myself breaking I send hugs back to you also thanks
     
  8. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    2,917
    Nottinghamshire
    Hello again @steele247

    My dad's gone now but last year when I was in your situation I bought myself a bicycle and started to go for rides. Sometimes to check on dad and sometimes to ride around local trails to get away from it all. It made me feel better and a bonus was I slept better and got a bit fitter!!

    Walks also helped. I had a day at the seaside when dad at his worse, ate too much, got flip-flop blisters from walking for miles but I felt so much better after that I can still remember that day...so find something nice to do away from dementia and let someone else worry about your dad every now and again.
    As nae sporran suggests a day centre or carers.

    My dad's been gone nearly 6 months now...but the bike still cheers me up!
     
  9. nae sporran

    nae sporran Volunteer Host

    Oct 29, 2014
    5,825
    Male
    Bristol
    Sorry you have not had enough success with CBT and are still waiting for day centre to come through @steele247. It's hard to chase up social services and track down a good day centre, we had help from dementia navigators, but I don't think they are available everywhere. The helpline will be able to advise you on other ways or just provide a listening ear.
    National Dementia Helpline
    0300 222 11 22
    Our helpline advisers are here for you.
    Helpline opening hours:
    Monday to Wednesday 9am – 8pm
    Thursday and Friday 9am – 5pm
    Saturday and Sunday 10am – 4pm
     
  10. steele247

    steele247 Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    15
    Thanks for that number ill give them a call means alot to me.
     
  11. steele247

    steele247 Registered User

    Jan 13, 2019
    15
    Sorry to hear about your lost and ill be
    Sorry to hear about your loss and thats good to see you found something to help you cope with it all I like Photography music but get so tired i dont do it but thanks for your advice means hell of alot to me thanks
     
  12. wonderfulmum

    wonderfulmum Registered User

    Aug 20, 2015
    18
    I feel same way most days too. It's very difficult and it leaves me feeling isolated too. I am going to mindfulness classes and I also make sure I take time out where possible but it's not easy knowing you come back to it. I am in process of getting a carers assessment which I'm told that is about my wellbeing. Hope this helps you
     
  13. mollymoo2

    mollymoo2 New member

    Feb 8, 2019
    6
    Bless you! You are not alone. My Mum has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and my Dad isn’t coping. They are 78 and 79 I have cried rivers of tears in recent months with upset, anger and frustration. I have always been so close to my parents but my relationship is completely different with my mum now and I’m learning to try build a new relationship to deal with her illness. I know we have a long road ahead but the one thing that will completely break me is if the day comes she does not recognise me. It’s the cruelest of diseases. All the best x
     
  14. Jackie31

    Jackie31 New member

    Jun 7, 2019
    5
     
  15. Jackie31

    Jackie31 New member

    Jun 7, 2019
    5
    I’m also not accepting the fact my mum has dementia she won’t admit it won’t accept any help says she fine and don’t need help but she does she getting dirty and lazy which is not her I feel so frustrated and upset but reading posts on here is helping me some to terms with what’s happening
     

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.