1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

  1. chrissss

    chrissss Registered User

    May 7, 2015
    1
    Mum, in a nursing home, calls out constantly 'Help me help me'. She's not unwell, won't join in with activities, doesn't want anything to fiddle with. Any ideas!?
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,586
    Kent
    Oh dear chrissss. Poor mum.

    Is she happier with one to one company? Does she stop calling `help me` then? If so she is possibly unsure about where she is and might need reassurance. Sadly no one will be able to give her one to one reassurance 24/7 .

    Will she watch television? does she like music?

    Who knows what is going through her mind. It must be very hard for you.
     
  3. CeliaW

    CeliaW Registered User

    Jan 29, 2009
    5,655
    Hampshire
    Chrisss - my mum does that and yet says when asked that there is nothing wrong (after all obvious checks made) and doesn't know why she says it. This is, of course, the conversation on her more lucid days, but some reading I have done and conversations with the CH staff make me err to the theory that it is just a phrase that has got in a loop in her mind and the content isn't relevant to how she is. Mum has also gone through phases of "Is there anybody there?" (she does have limited vision) even mid conversation and / or when someone is holding her hand. Another was, "please can someone help me up" - this in the days when she was mobile but if you did try, she was indignant and wanted to know why you wanted her out of her chair!

    But it is upsetting isn't it, especially that phrase as you feel there might be something and you are missing it. I try to look to see if she appears anxious or distressed in any other way and listen for the tone of her voice as that changes if she is actually uncomfortable or upset.

    Big hugs, take care x
     
  4. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    A lady in my husband's NH constantly called out "help me please". I expect if we were living with the dreadful confusion and other side effects of dementia we too would be calling out "help me". Nothing the Carers could offer would stop her plaintive cry - only sleep. She died and for a while I could still hear her calling down the corridor when I was visiting my husband - I was so used to it. However would add that it was easier to cope with than Ken who wandered around singing "Its a long road to Tipperary" out of tune - all day. Tried to get him to change to "Doing the Lambeth Walk" but that didn't last too long before he reverted to type!
     
  5. Witzend

    Witzend Registered User

    Aug 29, 2007
    4,296
    SW London
    She may well be on a 'loop' that doesn't necessarily mean anything. There was a lady in my mother's CH who was constantly saying, 'Can you help me, please?' When I first encountered it I said, yes, of course, what can I do? But she didn't know, couldn't answer, and did not actually seem distressed about anything.

    Ages ago now but when FIL was in an EMI hospital for a while (before it was turned into expensive flats!) there was a man who called out, 'Where's Daise? Where's Daise?' endlessly, over and over. I suppose he meant his wife, poor man, but again I suspect it was a 'loop' since he never seemed upset or distressed.
     
  6. chelsea girl

    chelsea girl Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    139
    My mum shouts constantly " where is everyone" if i leave her alone for a minute she starts shouting, i rush back in and ask whats wrong and she ses nothing, i wasnt shouting!!!! She does it in the night too and when we go in shes asleep. I think i find the shouting is the worsed of all and it really gets me down.
     
  7. loveahug

    loveahug Registered User

    Nov 28, 2012
    1,071
    Moved to Leicester
    I had episodes with mum of her saying 'Well I don't know what to do' I came to the conclusion she was thinking out loud because she never knew she'd said anything, it's so sad.
     

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