Registered User
Mar 19, 2008
west sussex
Hi All
Any tips would be gratefully received... How the hell do I take as step back from it all. I know the problems are stress related and I know I have to take a step back from the whole thing:
- cry at the drop of a hat
- disturbed sleep pattern (usually resemble a log)
- not hungry - but do eat cos I must!
- constantly think about mother and whether she is alright. I know she is, the NH would ring if she wasn't.
Apart from Classic FM & Radio 4 which help at night does anyone else have any ideas?


Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
HI Judy

Yep, recognise the symptoms.

I found that the company of friends that I could chat to and could cry in front of helps, as does Quiet Life and Kalms night tablets.

Be good to yourself, walk, rest, eat well. Do what you must to let your brain run through everything. Allow yourself to weep if you need to.

Thinking of you.




Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
Hello Judy

Knowing what one needs to do and doing it are certainly two different things. It seems you know that what you are experiencing is stress related and that's a good start. You could see if the GP has a counselling service that could help you find your ways of dealing with stress.

For me exercise is great. Meditation is also great (in my own form). In the past I learnt how to switch off and I now use this automatically.

Talking to someone about yourself, as in counselling, can help to start the ball rolling in dealing with stress.

Very best of luck Judy

Love Helen
This is not a helpful way of dealing with stress!!!!:D


Registered User
Mar 23, 2008
Hi Judy

Can we ever take a step back from it all, even when we know that we have to look after our own health?
I too suffer from some of your symptoms but whenever I'm feeling down and I have some free time I force myself to put on my coat and go for a long walk. Somehow the fresh air and excercise really helps and I feel better when I return and able to cope on an even keel. (I still keep nagging my other half for a dog though!)
I also cry when I want to (although not in the presence of Mum) as this helps to relieve the stress and I know that I will not help myself if I keep things bottled up inside me. Sometimes I wonder where all the tears come from.
Lastly, feel reassured that you are not alone in your situation and that you can always vent your feelings on TP (a good stress reliever).
Chin up!
Love Liz


Registered User
Aug 21, 2007
Hi Judy

Can we ever take a step back from it all, even when we know that we have to look after our own health?
I agree, no I don't think we ever can take a real step back, it's always there. I had the same - even when Dad went into care I still worried though I eventually realised that he was being well looked after, and I had to be told more than once to let go and let the professionals do their job. I too cried a lot, slept little, ate lots or little depending on what state I was in.

Gardening - though it stressed me out seeing what I didn't have time to do and watching those damn weeds grow ever bigger!
Reading - crime novels for me, had to think about something else trying to work out whodunnit.
Evening classes - French one night a week. Those verbs certainly took my mind off things.
Long soaks in the bath - usually with the crime novel, to hell with the verbs.
And friends. They got used to me ranting for the first hour about Dad, then I could relax and settle.

I wish I'd taken counselling, I think it would have helped. Everybody on here helps loads aswell, it's great to offload.

AJay xxx


Registered User
Feb 17, 2008
to help take my mind off of things I go to www.shockwave.com and play some games I love jigsaw party you can do jigsaws on your own or with someone from around the world I find it very relaxing.
I 'm going there now for awhile to try and destress.


Registered User
Jul 13, 2005
I must admit that just lately I find myself making excuses for not doing anything. MIL is quite able to survive on her own for an hour or so, but I've developed a dislike of going out on my own. I too have been having sleep disturbances, and my hubbie says I should go to the doctor as I'm obviously getting depressed. What is the point though, he'll only offer anti depressants, and I don't want to take those.

I have tried taking MIL out as well to get us both out of the house, but she worries so much about being separated from me, thats if I can get her over her own " I don't feel like it, I am just feeling idle"

In fact, I think life is passing me by, just sitting in the front room with her so she knows she's not alone in the house!!!!! Thank god for daytime TV. I should be a cordon bleu cook by now.

Kate P

Registered User
Jul 6, 2007
Ah yes I too recognise those feelings - initially I had them all the time but after several goes at counselling and finding TP I have managed to get control of myself - most of the time.

I do have low points, quite regularly really but I've learnt to identify them - which I think is a big step - to admit to it to my hubby and to then fight it like hell!!

I have found that eating only fresh food is a big one - I read an article about depression that suggested if you are already suffering from depression there are aditives in processed food that will increase that depression. I don't know if it was a placebo thing but it worked wonders for me.

I found counselling a big help because it pinpointed for me the reason that I was so stressed and depressed about everything - for me it is the fact that I have no control over what is happening and boy do I like to be in control!! I can't change what is happening to my mum or my daughter and that just gets me all worked up. However, through counselling I can now be that more objective and say well what can I do?

I have a punchbag for my rage (an actual one not just my hubby) and that works well for me too - I need to get that aggression and frustration out.

If all else fails get in a big bubble bath with some chocolate and a good book and forget that the world outside the bathroom exists!! (It used to be a big glass of Baileys but current condition forbids that now!)


Registered User
Mar 27, 2008
I think when one is really in that sluggish place it's very hard to get out of.
That's where a bit of exercise can start a gradual climb out. It doesn't have to be anything big - just get up out of the chair and go into the garden and take some very deep breaths. It can be like entering too much into the world of the person with dementia (or depression). I do believe things start with a thought and maybe to think "I have a life too and I must reclaim it". It may take days to get started but that's o.k. I think when one is thinking seriously about doing something about a problem, then something's happening already.

I really do think that the best thing we can do for our loved ones is look after ourselves the best way we can. That way we are able to offer the best of ourselves.

Love Helen


Registered User
Aug 20, 2006
The symptoms you describe are pretty typical of depression, I had this which was brought about by stress at work.

You ought to see your GP. He/she may well prescribe anti-depressant, although if you really don't want to have those then say so, and ask to be referred to a counsellor instead.

a short course of mild sleeping tablets might also help to break the pattern of insomnia, which is making everything worse. There are modern ones which aren't addicting like the old barbiturate ones.

I easily recognise the symptoms of disrupted sleep (although in my case I swung from insomnia to wanting to sleep all the time, an escape mechanism I guess), lack of appetite, emotions on the surface and weepiness (at the drop of a hat, or for no reason at all), and the fixated worrying about things.

I would also try to find something you enjoy doing and see if you can lose yourself in that for a while. Anything will do, painting, jigsaws, going for a walk...