Brother is vendictive

Discussion in 'Legal and financial issues' started by Goldleaf88, Nov 16, 2019.

  1. Goldleaf88

    Goldleaf88 Registered User

    Jul 30, 2018
    26
    I live and care for my aunt in her home and am her sole deputy. My brother and I do not get along. I have just received an order from COP saying he is applying to have me discharged as deputy on the grounds that I did not notify him of my application, which I did. In fact when he visited my aunt he would enquire how the application was doing. The COP said he was objecting on other grounds too. He refuses to speak to me and tell me why he has done this. I am now being asked to attend a conflict resolution hearing. I am loosing sleep, I am a single mum of a 13 y.o. daughter, looking after my aunt who is in the later stages and trying to work part-time too. - we all live together. I can not afford a solicitor. I notified all interested parties including him. I did not notify her sister who lives in New Zealand who she rarely speaks to though. He wants to be her deputy as well as a panel of deputies. This will make my life really difficult as we live with her and he will be in our lives. His actions are deliberately designed to cause me maximum problems. I feel hunted by him and now very vulnerable. Any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    3,321
    Nottinghamshire
    I'm sorry to hear this and I fully understand how much stress a troublesome brother can cause as I have one of my own.

    Tell it as it is. You seem to be the logical person for the job. Make sure you take you accounts with you and explain how difficult it will make it for you to care for your aunt if your brother has control of the finances.

    I suspect he's hoping for some financial gain.
     
  3. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    If you are the current deputy, just make sure that all your records of expenditure etc are up to date and accurate. prove you are doing the job well , and they will see there is no reason to change anything.
     
  4. Goldleaf88

    Goldleaf88 Registered User

    Jul 30, 2018
    26
    He is undiagnosed borderline personality disorder who resents me and my daughter. He sees my aunt's estate (large house in North London) and wants control. He has told me he will pursue me through the courts if he has too. He is extremely intelligent and manipulative....and has ruined my xmas!! Because this is all I think of now.
     
  5. MaNaAk

    MaNaAk Registered User

    Jun 19, 2016
    1,412
    Essex
    Dear Goldie,

    I feel for you. I have two invisibles but they are not like this. As the others have suggested keep all records and accounts. I wonder whether you should tell your doctor about to see if they can help in anyway.

    Good luck and hugs

    MaNaAk
     
  6. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    1,880
    Please don’t worry, because your brother has shown the sudden interest, the authorities will see through him.
    If your brother feels it’s really in her best interests to have another involved then ask for an independent advocate rather than someone who doesn’t do their share of the care package. As his concerns are about the welfare he shouldn’t object to that compromise. There are plenty of charities who help with advocacy in these situations.

    By providing a compromise you find acceptable it should stop his manipulation of your emotions. If he doesn’t agree to that then the issue arises that he wants control of the situation & isn’t really interested in the best interests of the PWD
     
  7. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,442
    Kent
    Let him if that is how he wants to waste his money...he would need to have proof and hard evidence. As others have said make sure all the accounts etc are in good order and try not to worry
     
  8. sausagedog

    sausagedog Registered User

    Aug 22, 2019
    42
    I doubt he’ll be successful .....it’ll cost him a lot up front financially in any case - as others suggest, make sure all your financial records up to date & accounted for - good luck
     
  9. Goldleaf88

    Goldleaf88 Registered User

    Jul 30, 2018
    26
    Thank you All for your thoughts. Just reading the replies gives me hope. I know I've been a very diligent deputy for my aunt. He's a very bitter man.
     

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