Dear All, I have been reading your posts about similar problems and I feel so sad for the world but so heartened that I now have some good ideas. My mother in law died of dementia just a few months ago. Her husband looked after tirelessly for years and years and they lived in complete isolation aside from mine and my wife's regular visits. My wife's father is in the early stages and often can cope just fine and sometimes, when overwhelmed, cannot cope at all. Like many of you here, I have taken it on to manage his finances. He is soon to be moving from his family home, where he is struggling with its size and complete isolation, to a retirement community. I am so excited he has decided to take this option and I hope will have an amazing, stimulating and shared experience of retirement. He needs it! I can't wait for him to have good friends and take a daily walk. Small but powerful things.
We have known for some time that my brother in law will do anything he can to get access to his father's money. His wife is kept completely out of the loop and does not know that he steals from his father. In fact, the BIL was completely opposed to his father moving to a retirement community as he wanted him to live as close to him as possible. It seems it was to have 24 hour access to his money. Today, I reached the tip of the iceberg. At his mother's funeral arrangement, the BIL paid £1700 to the funeral director as he was the only one with a card on him. I discovered today that he has had that amount repaid by his father 3 times. Three times. We know that he draws out cash and that he has received around £20,000 in the past year. He has a good job and so does his wife - together they have around £120,000 a year coming in. Yet here we are.
My wife and he have joint POA. Is there anything that can be done to stop her brother from continually abusing his father's money. Money that he will need for care? I am thinking about practical ideas like scratching out the three digit card code as mentioned on another post. And also removing her brother as a trusted payee. My FILs house will soon sell and we are working with a solicitor and a financial advisor to tie that money away in a guarded account. I think my wife should tell the solicitor that she has an acrimonious relationship with her brother and that they will be paid to act as an arbitration service in the event of disagreement. Does this sound like a good plan? What do you guys think we need to do to stop this lovely man's retirement and final years from being stripped away by his son's greed? We keep records of everything so proof is not a problem but we would prefer to just bind him down so he just cannot take any money. His father would be heartbroken so telling him about his son is not something I would want to do right now, just a few months after his wife passed away and he is struggling with daily affairs. Thanks so much for any advice.
Andrew
We have known for some time that my brother in law will do anything he can to get access to his father's money. His wife is kept completely out of the loop and does not know that he steals from his father. In fact, the BIL was completely opposed to his father moving to a retirement community as he wanted him to live as close to him as possible. It seems it was to have 24 hour access to his money. Today, I reached the tip of the iceberg. At his mother's funeral arrangement, the BIL paid £1700 to the funeral director as he was the only one with a card on him. I discovered today that he has had that amount repaid by his father 3 times. Three times. We know that he draws out cash and that he has received around £20,000 in the past year. He has a good job and so does his wife - together they have around £120,000 a year coming in. Yet here we are.
My wife and he have joint POA. Is there anything that can be done to stop her brother from continually abusing his father's money. Money that he will need for care? I am thinking about practical ideas like scratching out the three digit card code as mentioned on another post. And also removing her brother as a trusted payee. My FILs house will soon sell and we are working with a solicitor and a financial advisor to tie that money away in a guarded account. I think my wife should tell the solicitor that she has an acrimonious relationship with her brother and that they will be paid to act as an arbitration service in the event of disagreement. Does this sound like a good plan? What do you guys think we need to do to stop this lovely man's retirement and final years from being stripped away by his son's greed? We keep records of everything so proof is not a problem but we would prefer to just bind him down so he just cannot take any money. His father would be heartbroken so telling him about his son is not something I would want to do right now, just a few months after his wife passed away and he is struggling with daily affairs. Thanks so much for any advice.
Andrew